Spent the night with ex. Caught feelings again. Crying nonstop.

[youcanever]

She broke up with me 9 months ago. I smother her a lot with my jealousy and she got cold with me and wanted to move on. Told me to get out of her life. That killed me. Spent horrible couple of months but then got myself together and moved on.

 

She contacted me 2 weeks ago saying she is so sorry she missed me and wants me in her life. Wants a relationship with me. I really never forgot about her for 9 months. She was always in my head and her message surprised me.

 

We spent the night together lastnight. Slept together, had sex. And now my feelings came to surface again.

 

She doesn't want a relationship with me. I am not sure if I should too. Also she doesn't want to just hang out too. It is just feeling so bad to feel that she may find another guy and sleep with him. It hurts me damn much.

 

I love her and miss her a lot. For last 2 hours I cry nonstop. When we said goodbye to each other we said we won't see each other again. Maybe couple of months later.

 

It just hurt me a lot that she doesn't care me at all. Doesn't give a **** about me. But on the other hand I'd die for her.

 

Why am I too weak? I am a guy, 24 year old and I should be strong and not caring. Why I am too attached to her and just can not move on without her? Why I can't reject her?

 

Please help me. I feel horrible.

[spiritofjosh]

I'm confused..first you said she messaged you saying she wants to be in your life, in a relationship - you sleep together and then she says she doesn't want to be in your life and no relationship?

 

That's cold. That should be a red flag that she isn't worth your time. I've dated some cold broads before and it would hurt, until I made myself try and meet somebody new. I always found somebody better, than somebody even better, etc. Eventually I would look back at the "cold" ex and think that I was pathetic to feel how I did about her at the time, especially after being hurt.

 

I'm not going to say forget her and move on like 90% of the people on this forum because I highly doubt any of them follow their own advice and move on emotionally that quickly and easily. There are no switches you flick on and off to cut off emotional attachment to somebody we shared a life with emotionally, physically and mentally. You just need to take it one day at a time. Don't look at any of her social networking things (Facebook, twitter, etc) because believe me, that does help. You will want to know what she's doing, but if you find out and don't like it, that isn't closure or a remedy, its longevity. You just don't want her on your mind and no matter how much you try and know what she's up to, it won't change how she feels or how she is as a person.

 

You sound like a very caring person and this is a quality that will show to somebody much better that won't play mind games with you. Again, its nothing anybody wants to hear, but eventually you will be happy looking back knowing it didn't work out because you found something much worthwhile.

[youcanever]

I'm confused..first you said she messaged you saying she wants to be in your life, in a relationship - you sleep together and then she says she doesn't want to be in your life and no relationship?

 

That's cold. That should be a red flag that she isn't worth your time. I've dated some cold broads before and it would hurt, until I made myself try and meet somebody new. I always found somebody better, than somebody even better, etc. Eventually I would look back at the "cold" ex and think that I was pathetic to feel how I did about her at the time, especially after being hurt.

 

I'm not going to say forget her and move on like 90% of the people on this forum because I highly doubt any of them follow their own advice and move on emotionally that quickly and easily. There are no switches you flick on and off to cut off emotional attachment to somebody we shared a life with emotionally, physically and mentally. You just need to take it one day at a time. Don't look at any of her social networking things (Facebook, twitter, etc) because believe me, that does help. You will want to know what she's doing, but if you find out and don't like it, that isn't closure or a remedy, its longevity. You just don't want her on your mind and no matter how much you try and know what she's up to, it won't change how she feels or how she is as a person.

 

You sound like a very caring person and this is a quality that will show to somebody much better that won't play mind games with you. Again, its nothing anybody wants to hear, but eventually you will be happy looking back knowing it didn't work out because you found something much worthwhile.

 

I know our relationship would never work because she is never ready for a relationship with me. Only wants me around for emotional support as I saw. There was no love in her eyes.

 

I was so happy and strong in last 7 months because I kind of forgot about her, been with lots of girls, great at work, hitting gym, new hobbies etc. But then one day she sent me a message and my head is all collapsed and couldn't reject her.

 

The weird thing I do not understand is this. How can she reject me all the time and not feel guilty even a lil bit but I feel horrible when I reject her once and do things even though I don't want to. Just to make her feel happy. I care for her a lot and I miss her. The idea of she will love other guy and sleep with him makes me want to stop eating, and sleep all the time. No gym, no work. Just stay in bed and do nothing.

 

I hate relationships and games. Damn.

[organizedchaos]

Folks, pay attention. When the ex comes back and says they want to get back together again, this is NOT how you do it. OP, you should have taken things much, much slower to see if she was being sincere. Instead, you jumped right back in to bed and found out, she wasn't. Had you taken things slow, made her work for it, you would have found out before you had gotten your hopes up.

 

Now you're back to square one after 9 months of healing out the window. Go back to NC.

[youcanever]

Folks, pay attention. When the ex comes back and says they want to get back together again, this is NOT how you do it. OP, you should have taken things much, much slower to see if she was being sincere. Instead, you jumped right back in to bed and found out, she wasn't. Had you taken things slow, made her work for it, you would have found out before you had gotten your hopes up.

 

Now you're back to square one after 9 months of healing out the window. Go back to NC.

 

It does not hurt as much as the first times because I have been through this pain. But still kills all my mood and don't want to do anything at all.

 

I'll go NC okay but what should I do if she contacts me again? Because I am sure she will in couple of weeks. When we said goodbye to each other we were okay. I said I don't want a relationship too. And we hugged. It was a good terms of breakup. We smiled each other.

 

Even though she said, why don't we go somewhere for 4-5 days in summer. That was a very weird proposal.

 

My head is allll messed up.

[spiritofjosh]

Folks, pay attention. When the ex comes back and says they want to get back together again, this is NOT how you do it. OP, you should have taken things much, much slower to see if she was being sincere. Instead, you jumped right back in to bed and found out, she wasn't. Had you taken things slow, made her work for it, you would have found out before you had gotten your hopes up.

 

Now you're back to square one after 9 months of healing out the window. Go back to NC.

 

I support this, you need to take things slow. If you really wanted to work things out, you potentially blew it by rushing into bed, because she wanted her cake and ate it all. You have to make HER work and want YOU, not let her know you've been waiting to come knockin'.

 

Put it this way; say you had another girl you were into, but it was up in the air, she likes you and you think shes great but aren't sure if she's what you're really looking for. Then your ex tries getting back together, like you explained here. You are now in a position to decide; do you want your ex or this new girl? What do you think your ex would do, say "ok, good luck!" then disappear? Hardly, she's going to try and be better than that girl, work harder to win YOU over so the other girl doesn't win. Everybody wants what they can't have and nobody likes to lose to anybody, its human nature.

 

Problem with that is if you gave her that challenge and she were to fight to win you over, if she did win you over the challenge is over and she may go back to how she was in an instant. But that is a personal decision only you can decide.

[Xemyd]

I'll go NC okay but what should I do if she contacts me again?

 

Your answer is in your question. If she does contact you again you ignore it otherwise it's going to end in the exact same way. She knows what to say to get you. Not good.

[organizedchaos]

It does not hurt as much as the first times because I have been through this pain. But still kills all my mood and don't want to do anything at all.

 

I'll go NC okay but what should I do if she contacts me again? Because I am sure she will in couple of weeks. When we said goodbye to each other we were okay. I said I don't want a relationship too. And we hugged. It was a good terms of breakup. We smiled each other.

 

Even though she said, why don't we go somewhere for 4-5 days in summer. That was a very weird proposal.

 

My head is allll messed up.

 

I'm sorry, what??? Do you not learn from your mistakes? She played you. What do you THINK is going to happen if she contacts you again?

 

Where's the emoticon for beating your head against the wall?

[youcanever]

I'm sorry, what??? Do you not learn from your mistakes? She played you. What do you THINK is going to happen if she contacts you again?

 

Where's the emoticon for beating your head against the wall?

 

Damn, I better get my head straight.

 

She is having a lil party at home with her parents and cousins and I am laying on my bed and thinking and crying for her. WTF is wrong with me?

 

She is enjoying and living her life fullest but on the other hand I think of her nonstop and destroy my life.

[youcanever]

She broke up with me 9 months ago. Then contacted with me 2 weeks ago. Told she has never been with someone and she is ready for a relationship. The reason of break up was my jealousy and over caring for her. She was also extremely selfish. You can make her do nothing she doesn't want to. You have to say yes to her all the time or relationship wouldn't work. That was the bad part of her.

 

Anyway, she came to my place lastweekend and we had a great night. Sex, talk, fun. Then said goodbye to each other because we saw that is wouldn't work. But when she was leaving she said she would contact me again and she wants me in her life. I told I don't want her to contact me again but she told if she contacts me and if I don't respond her message, she would leave my life forever. Gave me ultimatom. ****. Felt bad. Because she knows I always respond to her messages and I am weak to say no to her because I still love her and care for her A LOT. What a phaggot I am.

 

Tomorrow my mom gives a concert and we've talked about going together with her. And today I sent her a text that mom invites both of us and would like to come? It has been 8 hours and still no reply. And she was on whatsapp all the time. Talking other dudes probably.

 

I don't feel so bad because I boned her one last time and it was good. But also I feel ashamed and stupid because I sent her a text and she didn't reply because she doesn't give a single **** about me while I do for her. I give tons of **** for her.

 

How can I stop this LS? I know I should go NC and I will now on. There is nothing I have left say to her. I am just angry to her because of her self-centered, selfish, non caring behaviour towards me. That make me feel stupid and ashamed.

 

I don't think but she may contact me in future again. But what if she does? I just can not resist not to reply her messages. I feel bad.

 

Damn I feel like the biggest phaggot ever.

 

Why am I too attached to this girl? I didn't give a single **** about her till 2 weeks ago she contacted me. But now she is in my head nonstop. It doesn't hurt as much as months ago but still disturbing feeling. Ashamed feeling.

 

She just contacted me for emotional support. I see that now and I am so angry and keeping myself so hard not to write her so damn rude things.

[Philosoraptor]

Once you lost control of the situation you were doomed. You need to figure out what you want and then set forth your plan to obtain it. If you want to cycle endlessly, then by all means stay on your current path. If you want to break away and find a healthy fulfilling relationship in the future then you need to stick to your guns, not respond, and focus on taking care of yourself.

 

But until you have mentally made up your mind you will continue to be a sucker for her texts and be overly focused on her opinion of you.

[youcanever]

Once you lost control of the situation you were doomed. You need to figure out what you want and then set forth your plan to obtain it. If you want to cycle endlessly, then by all means stay on your current path. If you want to break away and find a healthy fulfilling relationship in the future then you need to stick to your guns, not respond, and focus on taking care of yourself.

 

But until you have mentally made up your mind you will continue to be a sucker for her texts and be overly focused on her opinion of you.

 

Thank you for sincere reply.

 

I have one last question.

 

Should I send that angry message and let her know how I feel about her not responding to me and how rude it is after what we have been through and what she said?

 

Or just leave it that way and our last contact stay as "would you like to come to my parents' concert?" ?

[Philosoraptor]

Yes, by all means let her know how much she got under your skin and how emotionally sensitive you are to her lack of response.

 

Sarcasm over. Get over it, do not send her a message, and actually go NC.

[hurts2death]

great advice. i thank you too/.

Once you lost control of the situation you were doomed. You need to figure out what you want and then set forth your plan to obtain it. If you want to cycle endlessly, then by all means stay on your current path. If you want to break away and find a healthy fulfilling relationship in the future then you need to stick to your guns, not respond, and focus on taking care of yourself.

 

But until you have mentally made up your mind you will continue to be a sucker for her texts and be overly focused on her opinion of you.

[youcanever]

Yes, by all means let her know how much she got under your skin and how emotionally sensitive you are to her lack of response.

 

Sarcasm over. Get over it, do not send her a message, and actually go NC.

 

Thank you.

 

That will be my willpower test for myself. I will act like that message hasn't been sent and ex is with somebody else. NC forever.

[rosedl]

The use of the word phaggot (misspelled and all) is really offensive.

[mtnbiker3000]

The use of the word phaggot (misspelled and all) is really offensive.

 

Based on this posters command of English, I'm guessing he is not really sure of the meaning and meant no offense...

 

And OP, you need to get your balls out of her purse and have some self-respect and self-control. Acting the way you are now will keep you single fo sho...

[BC1980]

Thank you for sincere reply.

 

I have one last question.

 

Should I send that angry message and let her know how I feel about her not responding to me and how rude it is after what we have been through and what she said?

 

Or just leave it that way and our last contact stay as "would you like to come to my parents' concert?" ?

 

Hell no. Don't send any messages. You just go NC, and don't tell her. I fired off some angry texts to my ex at one point, and I'm sure it just showed him how much I was still stuck on him. He probably got a big ego boost out of those.

[BC1980]

And OP, you need to get your balls out of her purse and have some self-respect and self-control

 

LOL. I've never heard that one before. Balls in her purse. . . . *shakes head*