gwennebe Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Well I had a terrible weekend. My "FWB" and I are done. We were out Sat. night and he sure put me in my place. lol.. Flirting with the waitresses, getting obnoxiously drunk with his buddies, getting jealous because I'm talking to other guys but not admitting that is why he's being a jerk to them. Then he has the nerve to tell me that he cares about me a lot but just wants to be friends and I need to lighten up and enjoy life more. I agree but I"ve been the way I am for as long as I can remember and I don't want to or need to change in my opinion. I'm just one of those girls that needs a lot of emotional support and I tend to worry and over analyze everything. He claims he told me that he didn't want a girlfriend, well, If I remember correctly I told him I didnt' want to just be a F&&K buddy. Men are so good at seperating emotions from sex. We had such chemistry and I don't understand how he can feel the same way I do but not want a relationship. I love it when people say that and you know they are not going to call you to hang out. Especially if the sex is gone. Hopefully I'm wrong but at this point I don't think I want to even see him for a long time.
Merin Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Ugh.. I'm sorry Well, honestly I can tell you this is exactly why I don't offer "benefits" to "friends" While I do believe some people can and are all good with that situation and can be down for sex without the "relationship" I know for me, I'm not someone who can be intimate and not have feelings for that person.. so yeah.. I don't put myself into that place. It's interesting that you've said that you can't understand how he can feel the same way you do, but not want a relationship... and I guess I would say, that while he may like you, and may like having sex with you, he doesn't feel the same way you do.. hence the reason he doesn't want the "relationship" IF the only reason he was hangin out with you, or calling you was for some a**... then I hope he doesn't call you again.. you don't need that kind of BS in your life, and I'm certain you will have zero problems finding someone who wants to be with YOU and sex.. will be a bonus, not the goal... Hang in there girl
alphamale Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Originally posted by Merin IF the only reason he was hangin out with you, or calling you was for some a**... then I hope he doesn't call you again.. you don't need that kind of BS in your life, and I'm certain you will have zero problems finding someone who wants to be with YOU and sex.. will be a bonus, not the goal... Hang in there girl I agree with the above. "FWB" is what women settle for when the man they like does not want a real relationship. "Friends" is what men settle for when the woman they like does not want a real relationship. No one should "just settle".
Curt Posted January 17, 2005 Moderators Posted January 17, 2005 Even though he wasn't being appropriate with you, the comment ... Men are so good at seperating emotions from sex.is a generalization that is not really a rule of thumb. Boys are really good at separating emotions from sex. Men, I believe, feel differently. I can't imagine being with someone in such an intimate way, and not having deep-seated feelings for her. But then, yeah, I guess I'm strange anyways Curt
Merin Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Originally posted by Curt Even though he wasn't being appropriate with you, the comment ... is a generalization that is not really a rule of thumb. Boys are really good at separating emotions from sex. Men, I believe, feel differently. I can't imagine being with someone in such an intimate way, and not having deep-seated feelings for her. But then, yeah, I guess I'm strange anyways Curt Yay!
Author gwennebe Posted January 17, 2005 Author Posted January 17, 2005 Thank you for all of the support. I'm already feeling better. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now I dont' need to worry about him anymore and I can concentrate on something else. The biggest thing that sucks is we had the same circle of friends going on. Of course they were all guys too. Now I feel like I lost everything because they will choose him over me but I'm trying to not get down about it and remember that they are all basically a bunch of jerks and I can find new friends that are better for me.
Author gwennebe Posted January 17, 2005 Author Posted January 17, 2005 by the way Alpha, I love your new avatar.
alphamale Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Originally posted by gwennebe by the way Alpha, I love your new avatar. thanx GWENNEBE, it is part of my new life philosophy of smokin', drinkin' and chasin' skirts. oh, wait , i've been doing that for yrs alrady.
Groovy Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Hey, did we just finish dating the same guy? The guy I was dating went on and on about how he liked me, called a few times a day, told me we were exclusive. But after a few months he got what he wanted and it was "I just want to be friends" on my machine denying he ever gave me any other impression. He left a message last week. We had a nice talk and I was more interested to hear his excuse for the call and see if he was horny just for my own amusement. He was pleasant and respectful for 30 minutes but then threw something dirty into the conversation. I said "Sorry, we won't be doing that. Really your lucky you get a phone conversation after what you did". I felt sort of like the whole cause of the call was revealed, but expected it. He told me I go from one extreme to another and it was just a joke so chill out. It was just like this guy telling you to "lighten up". I thought wow, you want your cake and to eat it too. Oh baby, your right I need to relax. Do you want to come over and help me? Let's do what you just said. Let's be friends but still do all that dirty stuff together or not.....
fundamental Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale I agree with the above. "FWB" is what women settle for when the man they like does not want a real relationship. "Friends" is what men settle for when the woman they like does not want a real relationship. No one should "just settle". Well said Alphamale!!!
qismat Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Well I had a terrible weekend. My "FWB" and I are done. We were out Sat. night and he sure put me in my place. lol.. Flirting with the waitresses, getting obnoxiously drunk with his buddies, getting jealous because I'm talking to other guys but not admitting that is why he's being a jerk to them. Then he has the nerve to tell me that he cares about me a lot but just wants to be friends and I need to lighten up and enjoy life more. I agree but I"ve been the way I am for as long as I can remember and I don't want to or need to change in my opinion. I'm just one of those girls that needs a lot of emotional support and I tend to worry and over analyze everything. He claims he told me that he didn't want a girlfriend, well, If I remember correctly I told him I didnt' want to just be a F&&K buddy. Men are so good at seperating emotions from sex. We had such chemistry and I don't understand how he can feel the same way I do but not want a relationship. I love it when people say that and you know they are not going to call you to hang out. Especially if the sex is gone. Hopefully I'm wrong but at this point I don't think I want to even see him for a long time. wow yeah i think i was seeing the same guy a while ago too! so confusing, because he was also jealous if i was so much as picked up by anyone else, and also told me how much he cared abt me etc, but just wasn't ready for anything serious. i was naive to it too, because we really did have so much chemistry, and i thought he felt the same way as i did.. just like you said. but i think thats where we're wrong. if they genuinely did feel that way, than they would have wanted that relationship for sure.... no doubt. so its good that you got yourself out of it! it might get hard sometimes especially because you did feel that chemistry, but there is NO point in settling. we just have to learn from these "boys", and make sure we don't make the same mistake again.
alphamale Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Originally posted by qismat so its good that you got yourself out of it! it might get hard sometimes especially because you did feel that chemistry, but there is NO point in settling. we just have to learn from these "boys", and make sure we don't make the same mistake again. unfortuantely QISMAT people get themselves into these types of situations cause they get some thrill or the challenge. It is as addictive as heroin to some types. Most people repeat their damaging mistakes over and over like lab rats hooked on cocaine.
qismat Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 unfortuantely QISMAT people get themselves into these types of situations cause they get some thrill or the challenge. It is as addictive as heroin to some types. Most people repeat their damaging mistakes over and over like lab rats hooked on cocaine. thats true... i was in one of these situations before too, and i'll admit now that it was the challenge that kept me in it... it was the un-attainable. sometimes guys are just more attractive when you can't have em. but having said that, part of it is also still naivety, you almost don't understand fully what going on, and you genuinely think that its something real b/w the two of you - until you get out of the situation
Groovy Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 I agree with Alphamale. However in my sitation the guy lied to me for months until he got what he wanted. Saying we are dating exclusively is not saying "I just want to be friends". He knew I'd never be involved any other way. It was so selfish .....
Author gwennebe Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 Wow, it's amazing how many people go through the same thing. I am so glad I found this forum. It's makes things seem a little more bearable. I think I keep putting my self in bad situations because i don't have enough confidence and I have no idea why I feel so bad about myself. I think I always have. I always look to others to make me happy and I don't know what to do short of therapy. I think that is going to be my main goal for awhile, concentrating on myself and my needs and doing what makes me happy, being around people that are good for me. Anyone know any good self help books? lol. It's still hard because I liked my FWB so much and all I ever wanted to do everytime I saw him was tear his clothes off and shove him into a corner and have my way with him but I wanted the emotional side of him to and that is something he wouldn't give me.
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