signal Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Aprox 29 days no contact.(7/8 year relationship) I logged on to her email account we both have the same password obviously she didnt change hers yet - she has booked a night out for 2 on valentines day to an evening show and new jewlrey. I'm heartbroken, broke down to my mum Tonight which was awkward. I'm embarrassed, scared and broken. At this stage I believe the good guys finish last
David87 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 You broke NC by looking into her e mail adress. Stop doing that and move forward. Emotional pain only last for 12 minutes you know , anything more than that is self inflicted. 1
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I'm sorry, but "good guys" don't hack their girlfriend's email. This is why you don't share your personal passwords with a partner, no matter how much you trust them. Never, ever. 7
Frank2thepoint Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I logged on to her email account we both have the same password obviously she didnt change hers yet - she has booked a night out for 2 on valentines day to an evening show and new jewlrey. I'm heartbroken, broke down to my mum Tonight which was awkward. I'm embarrassed, scared and broken. At this stage I believe the good guys finish last Why are you stalking your ex? Why do you care? Or maybe you like being a masochist and suffering? I'm guessing you are, because after realizing your ex is with someone new, you are all sad, moping around, thinking the world has ended for you. Do you really enjoy that feeling? If you do, you need therapy. Let me break it down Barney style for you. When you realized that your ex has a new person in their life, the first and only thought you should ever have is this: she is someone else's problem now. 5
Author signal Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 After an 8 year relationship I have gone NC for 30 days. The last time we met we went out for dinner she said she was getting to know a guy her cousin had introduced her too. She said they were getting to know one another and she was confused. I started NC the following day. She attempted to text me once I ignored. Last week she was texting my sister asking how I was and said she's confused. She said the new guy she's getting to know treats her nicely and implied I argued with her a lot and pushed her away. She asked my sister if I was ready to talk / meet up. I ignored it. She said she was scared to meet me in case her feelings all came back. She said to my sis I was her first love and she would always love me. I know she wants to meet so she can see me doing well and be guilt free in her head that she did nothing wrong. Of course I want to see her, I want to go for a drink and tell her ok doing so well, I got a pay rise the last thirty days. I also want to say something like I'm looking to buy a house to put on rent, that's a lie but I want her to know I'm actually a somebody and can move on! Deep down I'm heartbroken, miss her and love her after 8 years. She's on this rebound with the new guy, I heard they are going out valentines night which makes me sick. So shall I break NC, meet up with her and be strong, confident, happy and focussed. This may rattle her and make her think twice. In the past I have always grovelled after an argument which is unattractive. I'm thinking if I go in with a new positive point of view she may feel like crap which is what I want Thoughts?
fancy feast Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 No I'm thinking if I go in with a new positive point of view she may feel like crap which is what I want She won't. 1
OhThatGirl Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 No. Don't do it. And, if your sister insists on having a relationship with your ex at least ask her to not discuss what is said with you. How did it help you to know she has Valentines Day plans? Oh.. It didn't. NC means indirect NC too. Let yourself heal. You're never going to feel satisfied unless she busts down the door begging for you back and in the off chance this happens, it won't be through your sister and won't be because you met up with her to talk. Let's just assume (especially because she's seeing someone else) that this won't happen at all. Hard NC. Heal. Learn to appreciate you regardless of what your ex thinks of you. 2
reddragon588 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 You're at zero days NC. You've broken it. Back to square one. Re-dedicate yourself to keeping it. 1
Musing Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 And now we learn the hard way why NC is always the better option OP, you know what you should do? Go to a spa on valentines day. Or go to a class for a sport or physical activity you always wanted to do but never really had the time for. Or catch up with old friends. Go skydiving. Go to a pet store, or pound and play with the puppies and dogs (or cats, if you like those) Have a netflix marathon. Get a new hairstyle. Start learning a new language. For me? I am finishing my first large tattoo and working on my next! I am very excited. Who cares what your ex is doing? Be selfish, spoil yourself for a change. Take the time to love yourself this V-day. You'll feel better for it.
Pastel Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I think you need to exercise self control in this situation. I know how you feel. The guy I dated and work with is with someone new. I can't escape him unfortunately, but you have the power to be completely ignorant of what your ex is doing. So stop stalking her email and social media. If you're even tempted focus your attention on something else.
erklat Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Come on, dude! I hacked her email? Does that sound attractive or that reeks of fear?
sly_fly1 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 all i gotta say is , she knows you know her password, she knows you are going to read her email, there might be another guy and there might not be, but ive dont tons of research over the internet, and women seem to have their own pattern, after a break up they either tend to try and make the man jealous and get him thinking, "holy crap she already moved on" or " why doesnt she care anymore" reality they do, now you dont have to move on, but the only thing i can suggest is find a date, i know its hard because your heart broken and your worrying about what shes doing, but thats what she wants, you to worry, aslong as she knows your biting at her ankles. she can do what ever she wants and if she messes up and it turned out to be a mistake , shell come right back, but dont let her know she can come back at any time. right now turn off your cellphone, deactivate facebook, only form of contact will be email, vanish, disappear, she will come looking for you, if you play your cards right, she will snap and her perfect midlife crisis will fall into pieces,. good luck 1
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 all i gotta say is , she knows you know her password, she knows you are going to read her email, there might be another guy and there might not be, but ive dont tons of research over the internet, and women seem to have their own pattern, after a break up they either tend to try and make the man jealous and get him thinking, "holy crap she already moved on" or " why doesnt she care anymore" reality they do, now you dont have to move on, but the only thing i can suggest is find a date, i know its hard because your heart broken and your worrying about what shes doing, but thats what she wants, you to worry, aslong as she knows your biting at her ankles. she can do what ever she wants and if she messes up and it turned out to be a mistake , shell come right back, but dont let her know she can come back at any time. right now turn off your cellphone, deactivate facebook, only form of contact will be email, vanish, disappear, she will come looking for you, if you play your cards right, she will snap and her perfect midlife crisis will fall into pieces,. good luck I feel you are excusing the hacking. Also, I feel that your assessment of her behaviour isn't very accurate. 1
sly_fly1 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I feel you are excusing the hacking. Also, I feel that your assessment of her behaviour isn't very accurate. no, its not hacking if he already knows her password, what im saying is that she more than likley already knew he was going to go on her account. so she probably planned for him to see that she was going on a date with someother guy, ive seen it hundreds of times and ive experienced it myself, hes ex is using different tricks to chase him, ive done it to women aswell, even when i was dumped, i would go from depression and asoon as i recieved her mercy text begging for me, i instantly felt better, its what shes thriving, trying to get a bit of attention or a phone call or a text just so she feels like shes on top
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 no, its not hacking if he already knows her password, what im saying is that she more than likley already knew he was going to go on her account. so she probably planned for him to see that she was going on a date with someother guy, ive seen it hundreds of times and ive experienced it myself, hes ex is using different tricks to chase him, ive done it to women aswell, even when i was dumped, i would go from depression and asoon as i recieved her mercy text begging for me, i instantly felt better, its what shes thriving, trying to get a bit of attention or a phone call or a text just so she feels like shes on top It's a complete invasion of privacy and totally unacceptable. I also don't agree that she's deliberately making a date so that her ex can see. He's the one at fault here. He broke NC and invaded her privacy. 1
sly_fly1 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 yea it is wrong to invade privacy. but some times when you are betrayed by someone you love you panic, im sure its happend to you and many other people, and more importantly i cant say its his fault, she dumped him and finding a new man asap is kind of like rubbing **** in his face, absolutly no respect, if someone does an act like this, they are clearly just playing the field and she should have told him at the begging when he asked her out, and just should have said NO instead of breaking his heart down the road. you clearly haven't been in this situation.
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 yea it is wrong to invade privacy. but some times when you are betrayed by someone you love you panic, im sure its happend to you and many other people, and more importantly i cant say its his fault, she dumped him and finding a new man asap is kind of like rubbing **** in his face, absolutly no respect, if someone does an act like this, they are clearly just playing the field and she should have told him at the begging when he asked her out, and just should have said NO instead of breaking his heart down the road. you clearly haven't been in this situation. No, I have been left for someone else before. The only difference is, I don't think that gives a person an excuse to invade another person's privacy. If she met someone else and dumped him for the new guy, that is her right. That's life. That's dating. If you can't accept the risk, you have no business engaging in the activity in the first place. 1
sly_fly1 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 No, I have been left for someone else before. The only difference is, I don't think that gives a person an excuse to invade another person's privacy. If she met someone else and dumped him for the new guy, that is her right. That's life. That's dating. If you can't accept the risk, you have no business engaging in the activity in the first place. yes but different people react differently to trauma, she has no right to lie to him, some people kill them selves, some people turn to drugs, some people stop eating, some people run away, in his case , he chased her, and this stuff is also apart of relationships, if your gonna dump someone, make sure you know the consequence of getting your privacy invaded and its normal to want to chase somthing you love, or snoop, especially if the break up is still early.
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 yes but different people react differently to trauma, she has no right to lie to him, some people kill them selves, some people turn to drugs, some people stop eating, some people run away, in his case , he chased her, and this stuff is also apart of relationships, if your gonna dump someone, make sure you know the consequence of getting your privacy invaded and its normal to want to chase somthing you love, or snoop, especially if the break up is still early. We should not be 'normalising' snooping. Chasing, yes, it is normal. Breaking someone's trust is not something we should be normalising. There is no defense. Don't you think it's ironic that they probably exchanged passwords to affirm their' 'trustworthiness' in the relationship, and the second it goes pear-shaped, he violates that trust? Sounds like maybe breaking up with him was a good idea. OP, contact your ex and tell her what you did, if you want to fix this behaviour. Ask her to change the password on her email.
OhThatGirl Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Sly Fly... I know what you're saying. And I too feel it's a pretty inaccurate assessment of the situation. 1) Most grown women are not conniving enough to make Valentines Day plans on their email account assuming the ex will violate her in such a way that he sees them. This is immature and uh, stupid. Regardless of whether she does actually have plans or not, he wouldn't have seen them if he had not checked up on her. Lesson? He shouldn't log into her email. Ever. For any reason. 2) You mentioned something about her midlife crisis falling to pieces and her running back to him. Ummm. This is far from likely. If she had been emotionally withdrawing from the relationship before it actually ended she may be ready to move on and not look back. Do not tell this man that he can manipulate her by doing certain things to "get her back." These are games. And while rarely they work to incite some regret over the break up, they almost never result in reconciling the relationship. Sly Fly, I feel like your experience with relationships (adult, mature relationships) is limited. You've experienced and participated in some nasty post break up behaviors. These are more harmful than helpful. The OP needs to learn a lesson (sneaking into her email account is never a good idea) and use this to solidify that he should be returning to No Contact and accepting the relationship is over. Any advice to the contrary is going to hurt him and prolong his healing. There is no revenge to be had. She didn't necessarily lie to him. She moved on quickly after the end of a relationship and as much as that hurts, it's her right to do so. She didn't manipulate him by not telling him upfront that this would happen as she likely didn't know this is how it would play out. How could she? As someone else mentioned, experiencing this pain of a breakup/ex moving on is a real risk you take when you take a chance on love. OP - Go back to NC. It doesn't matter what she's doing. It matters what you're doing. Don't rush in to dating other people if you aren't ready, it will hurt you more. Rather stop betraying what trust she once had in you, quit looking at what is not intended to be seen by you. It can't do you any good. Focus on yourself, healing, moving on. 1
Chi townD Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Well, you need to chalk it up to lessons learned. Sorry you're hurting, but you're the one that opened up Pandora's Box on that one. 8 years is a long time and 30 days NC is NOTHING in reference of healing time. But, even though it hurts now, having this knowledge that she is moving on so quickly from you should give you an idea of where you truly stood with her. I'm not buying that crap that she's confused. Confused people don't plan get away weekends for Valentines Day with people that they are unsure of. That should get you pissed off and motivated to move on with your life as well. I would strongly suggest that you make plans as well for that weekend. Take a short trip somewhere. If you're sitting at home and not doing anything; thoughts of her are going to eat you up. Surround yourself with friends. KEEP BUSY!!!
Author signal Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 I know she's dating / being introduced to some one else. I went no contact after she drunkinly said she was being introduced to someone. She tried to contact me and my sis I ignored. But after 8 years, my first love, I don't hate her. I want to send her a nice bouquet just to show my appreciation for her, not only was she my gf but my best friend
Zahara Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 This woman that stepped out of the relationship twice. Yes, that is what best friends do. They betray each other. Look, you're not doing it to show her what a great person she is, because she isn't. You're not doing it because she is your best friend, because she isn't. You're doing it in hopes you'll get her to react, break contact, realize how sweet and thoughtful you are, reignite her feelings and come back to you. 3
tlegend Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 You're doing it in hopes you'll get her to react, break contact, realize how sweet and thoughtful you are, reignite her feelings and come back to you. Which won't happen. Zahara left that part out to save the harshness of the reality. I won't do as such. 1
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