Iskaral Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Hello everyone, First of I would like to thank everyone for taking the time for reading my post. I'm new here on the forums and i'm hoping to find some help with my problems because I can't handle them on my own. I will start by telling a little bit about myself. I'm a 24 year old guy and I never had a girlfriend of been with a girl. I had some serious problems with depression a few years ago and that really interrupted my "normal" life. A few months ago I finally found a girl I liked in the gym and we talked and chatted a lot and she said she would like to go on a date with me. A long story short, after a few months we had just talked but never had a date and she told me she didn't like me anymore. Of course being the fool I am by that time I had fallen in love with her and told her that. Well as you can imagine that didn't change her mind and it hurt me a lot. I'm still in love with her but I guess the feelings are finally becoming a bit less. I'm trying to move past her because I have to let it go because she isn't interested in me anymore. But now we are coming to the real problem. I realized I have nothing to offer to girls, I can't talk to them and if by some miracle chance we do talk I will ruin it anyway. I'm not a bad guy or I don't think I am I just have no clue how to deal with girls and this scares me. It scares me because I don't want to be alone anymore but i'm also to scared to "hit" on a girl. All I want is just a sweet girl I can talk to and just chill with. I don't care much for looks and i'm not looking for just sex. I just have no clue what to do to get a girl interested in me. The older i'm getting the more scared i'm becoming because I realize i'm 24 and I still don't have any experience. I was hoping someone her could help me out a bit, maybe give me a few idea's.
notthathard Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I will start by telling a little bit about myself. I'm a 24 year old guy and I never had a girlfriend of been with a girl. I had some serious problems with depression a few years ago and that really interrupted my "normal" life. This is not the first post I have read where there is a girl or guy that is around your age and had no experience in a relationship. You're not the only one so don't beat yourself up for it. A few months ago I finally found a girl I liked in the gym and we talked and chatted a lot and she said she would like to go on a date with me. A long story short, after a few months we had just talked but never had a date and she told me she didn't like me anymore. Of course being the fool I am by that time I had fallen in love with her and told her that. Well as you can imagine that didn't change her mind and it hurt me a lot. I'm still in love with her but I guess the feelings are finally becoming a bit less. I think you're confusing love with lust. The feelings you experienced is lust not love. When you experience love you will feel something different. You didn't even date her yet so I doubt it was love. I realized I have nothing to offer to girls, I can't talk to them and if by some miracle chance we do talk I will ruin it anyway. I'm not a bad guy or I don't think I am I just have no clue how to deal with girls and this scares me. It scares me because I don't want to be alone anymore but i'm also to scared to "hit" on a girl. You do have something to offer girls/women and you can talk to them! You just explained above that some girl was interested in you and you were speaking to her. Maybe you did say the wrong thing or not progresses the interaction with her. First you need to change your mindset, if you keep telling yourself this then your mind will believe it and act on it. You also need to approach them, don't wait for them to come to you as it doesn't happen for most guys. If you're nervous to walk up and spark a conversation then you need to force yourself to do it. The more you approach the easier it will become, your conversations will get better and better the more you do them. Think about that interaction you had with that girl at the gym, what would you have said or done differently?. Improve from this. You need to flirt it's a part of getting the spark! It will naturally come but you have to let it out in small doses. Oh and don't tell a girl you love her when you haven't even dated her or even had a sexual encounter with her. She will run away. All I want is just a sweet girl I can talk to and just chill with. I don't care much for looks and I’m not looking for just sex. I just have no clue what to do to get a girl interested in me. The older I’m getting the more scared I’m becoming because I realize I’m 24 and I still don't have any experience. I was hoping someone her could help me out a bit, maybe give me a few idea's. It's great that you don't care about looks, there are plenty of nice personality women out there that are not the most attractive. Sex is a part of a relationship, if the sex isn't there then the relationship wont be that strong, especially at the start. Otherwise just find some girls/women to be friends with and chill with. I don't think I've met any older person that has never had a relationship, don't stress you will have at least one relationship in your life. Be yourself and force yourself to talk to girls. Don't give up just keep trying! It's the key to success. 1
Author Iskaral Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Thank you for you response and I think you are right on most of it. I do not think how ever that what I felt for her was just lust and not love. I know we never dated but I saw her in the gym a lot and we did talk a lot so I do think I got to know her very well. I'm pretty sure this was love, at least for me. I'm very nervous about talking to girls because I know i'm the kind of person that will say the wrong thing. I will try however and maybe try to flirt a bit. Its just hard approaching someone and making them interested in you when you find it hard to believe your interesting yourself. It makes me nervous when I have to talk about past relations because I don't have any. What do I tell her? I never been with a girl, I will look even more pathetic then but I also don't want to lie to her. Anyway thanks a lot for your advise, there some really good points and I guess I just have to keep trying.
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