FailedFirstLove Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I'm sorry but it's a really long story and I don't know if I can put all the details down,,. I'm just struggling and hurting so much and my anxiety is through the roof. I've been trying to talk to my friends but at this point it's just really hard to keep it together now. Before Christmas it was a rough time. I struggle with anxiety and depression but I am on pills and seeing a therapist.. He was as well.. I don't know why but during that time it was overwhelming. And I had finished uni and it is so difficult to get a job and I wasn't coping well.. At the time it seemed like I was starting a lot of fights over little things.. And the thing about me is I'm hot tempered but I cool down fast. So I can be pissed one minute but an hour later I'm ok... His the opposite. His usually calmed and when I say let's breakup he will tell me he can't live without me cause his never felt the happiness etc.. Yea I'm completely wrong for doing that. But he also never wants to talk about anything... Like his stress with doing his PhDs. He just says talking it out makes it worse. So he bottles it all up.. He was on a new anti depressant and was feeling crap,,, and I was just terrible and annoyed him abut when I was there... And I know I was sooooo wrong.... He was hurt and we had a fight Now after this I thought I'll leave him to cool off and then I'll talk again. Which is how he wants it. I'm the opposite where I like to get it all out and then I'm ok again... But after a week he was still angry with me... I started to get very very anxious, and I was texting him.. He wasn't nice about this at all... So I continued to annoy him every few days I guess... And he was just more angry... After this I left him alone. And I realized my period skipped two months.... I've had a pregnancy scared before and he was there for me... I got worried. And asked him so I got a pregnancy home test... I did two.. One came out positive and the other was just nothing. I told him this... Then I looked him reviews about this test and people were getting false results. So I told him I wasn't sure... His response was, it don't think it's wrong.. He pretty much was still pissed and said the only reasonable thing is abortion... He wasn't going to hear any other options and immediately got so angry and told me how childish I was every time I tried to talk of it.. He told me it was his responsibility as we'll and that he wud go with me if I needed.. But he was never going to let me have the baby and raise it.. He refused to discuss anything and only wanted me to tell him a time and place.. I ended up booking place and she asked me questions on how I know. And I told her that I only did a home test.. She advised me to go to the doctors first, which I then told him but he was just angry at me and saying it's not wrong and stop dawdling around...so I called her up again and booked. She asked me if I was sure and I said no.. And she said there's other people needing the appointment and I shud make sure.. Anyways I stayed over his place while he acted cold towards me. I didn't annoy him or anything. U was shut scared with this stuff so it was mice to have his comfort.. We'll he didn't comfort me really.. But he started to be nice after awhile.. Anyways next day we woke up later than we shud and was rushing and I got a call while he was in the shower.. The lady at the clinic told me she had to reschedule me (something happened and I was half asleep so I can't remember what it was, and it's been a couple months now) I told him this and he went silent for ages.. I tried talking to him and he just got so angry. Saying I manipulated him and leave him alone. Etc... I decided to just take the lady's advice and go to the doctor to get a proper test.. Turned out negative. I asked hi, if he was calm and he said yea, so I told him the result... He told me he doesn't know what to make out of it and I was manipulating... I told him I wasn't sure! And he insisted the home test wasn't wrong... sighhhh After that he told me to leave him alone and I asked why he hasn't cooled at all.. And he said cause I kept on contacting him. And it's not something he will get over In a week.... So after that I suffered and didn't contact for about almost a month.... He eventually cooled down.. And replied when I asked how he was... That was about it.. He didn't really say much.... During the mo contact I focused on getting a job.. And just keeping myself together... And I got a job offer. 4 hours away from here.. Of course I let him know..he pretty much said he doesn't think I've thought well about it, saying its a far move and how can I expect to live alone when I can't even entertain myself... Then next day he randomly texts me "your town is ugly :P" as in the game clash of clans we both play... I was majorly confused!!! I barely replied and delayed as well.. Couple days later I was talking to one of the clan mates and joking around... And he kinda randomly joined in... But jokingly attacking me... After that we texted a couple of things a few days.. I was sure not to annoy him... He was nice and joked around and stuff with me.... Messed with me abit tho.... He was a firm believer in cutting out exes cause he doesn't feel the need for them in his life.,. Now today I made a stupidddddd mistake...I sleep text... I do that sometimes when there's a lot at stake.. And I've been pretty stressed and I had a nightmare,,,I caught a fever overnight too so I was a mess... Basically I dreamt about him moving on and texted how did he move on so fast I wish I cud do the same etc... And he said he isn't going to be part of my manipulative game... I asked him if this was all just a game to him,, and he said obviously the **** I'm spewing out today,,, and he told me to leave him alone,,,, So i just said I won't talk until I'm myself again,.. And stopped... This afternoon I texted hi, to apologize and slots been on my mind so I stressed and typed that and no reply... Thanks for listening... I just don't know what his feeling... What's going on... His told me to concentrate on dealing with my issues... But does he want to get back? Is he seeing if I wud be able to control myself? I know I have to leave him alone and not make matters worse right now,,, but it hurts. Has he moved on? His not one to move on quickly .. His also off his anti depressant and said his felt much better and not as tired... And his been sleeping late which he normally doesn't at all...
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 He just texted me to delete his number and never contact him again....I told him I understand why his angry and if I did something horribly wrong for him to completely cut me from his life... He reminded me I started fights and kept breaking up.... Then he says since then I've just lied and manipulated.. What he thinks anyways. He thinks me struggling to cope with this is manipulating him... I just don't understand,. In the end he just said. Delete my number and leave me alone... So I'm not sure if he still stands by cent contact ever again... I cudnt be more alone right now. I wish I had siblings. My friends are annoyed at me as we'll. I really don't know how long ill last. I'm so torn. I just don't want to be here with this pain anymore 1
Discover Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Hey,Girl..SMILE..Give me just a bit of time and I will share my point of view,in the time you wait please know that you are not alone,we are here for you and listen to some music that will take you away from him! Just you wait, you'll see that you are not alone!
Discover Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 He just texted me to delete his number and never contact him again....I told him I understand why his angry and if I did something horribly wrong for him to completely cut me from his life... He reminded me I started fights and kept breaking up.... Then he says since then I've just lied and manipulated.. What he thinks anyways. He thinks me struggling to cope with this is manipulating him... I just don't understand,. In the end he just said. Delete my number and leave me alone... So I'm not sure if he still stands by cent contact ever again... I cudnt be more alone right now. I wish I had siblings. My friends are annoyed at me as we'll. I really don't know how long ill last. I'm so torn. I just don't want to be here with this pain anymore Okay,I read everything! Please,girl don't be in pain and don't you dare lose yourself in it! I know it hurts,actually me and you are the same,I as well liked to get the anger all out, I didn't shout at her or anything just said all on my mind, without offending her of course, but she was silent and always thinking trough for a couple of days in which I was made to feel like sh*t. If he says that he does not want you to contact him, DO NOT! Don't try to understand him,believe me. Yes,I am super young and actually my girlfriend told me her period was late for two weeks after the break up but told me on the day when it acutally if I can say "appeared" again. All I could think of and told her that I deserved to know from the beginning so even in some way to be with her. Now your EX didn't show any type of care and thought you were manipulating him, what kind of trust is this? I don't think he has moved on, except if he is a total d*ck but what he said is right and actually good for you! Delete his phone number,stop calling, texting, stalking on facebook and really focus on yourself. Focus on the thought "Do I want/need this job" because in the end of the day this is YOUR job not someone else's so thing carefully! Don't feel alone,I know it is hard to understand it, I myself am here in the same situation and today it has been a really bad day for me since everything happens to be awesome but she is gone. Believe me "cut him as an ex" as well! Trying to be friends hurt so freaking much when you have been left by the one you love, don't do this to yourself,I did it/ doing it and it makes me want to shoot myself in the knee! You are not alone,if your friends/family is tired of listening to you about it or your problems that ok, let them be,try to find better friends and in the meantime vent here,there will be always someone to help you! Try reading the Thread : The Grass is Greener Syndrome, made me see a lot of things that I tought were meaningless! SMILE girl, there is nothing prettier that a girl smiling,oh belive me you will hurt but in time you will get better. A friendly advice from me, maybe a bit to crude: That spark in your heart, that hope that he will call to apologize and you get back together, I know you have it..well..KILL it, as long as you hope and believe in this you are going to suffer for a long time coming! NEEDTOBREATHE- Keep Your Eyes Open w/ lyrics - YouTube < Keep your eyes open! 1
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) Thank you so much. I just can't deal with it.... I did leave him alone when he wanted time... But all of a sudden he cuts me out.... This guy meant everything to me.... I was the first girl his loved. His last real relationship was in high school and his 26 now,,, why did he send me that message all of a sudden? Delete his number? I didn't contact after that. Is he saying it out of anger? I'm trying to keep it together for this interview, but I'm a wreck.. I cried at work and I can't hold it together most days,, he says the most hurtful things when angry,,, In the past his told me he doesn't want me in his life etc... But just out of angry,lol but this time he said delete his number. I just don't want to remember anything,,, he was everything to me and told me he cud never leave me out of his life... Edited February 9, 2014 by FailedFirstLove
Discover Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Heard that one 2months ago,1 month ago I heard how she needs time and 2 weeks ago I heard how the person that meant everything to me saying "I just don't feel the same,I want us to be just friends" I waited for her to think but believe me if they say that they need some time alone you kind of feel that this is it. Just let him be and start moving on, I told you kill the hope because it will keep bringing you back to him! I was the same, I am the same..I have my moments in which I break down completely.. Don't be sad girl, SMILE ! I will catch up on you tomorrow so make sure you feel better by then and try to understand what is happening and try to find something that will make you want to live even without him! Till tomorrow, SMILE!
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Heard that one 2months ago,1 month ago I heard how she needs time and 2 weeks ago I heard how the person that meant everything to me saying "I just don't feel the same,I want us to be just friends" I waited for her to think but believe me if they say that they need some time alone you kind of feel that this is it. Just let him be and start moving on, I told you kill the hope because it will keep bringing you back to him! I was the same, I am the same..I have my moments in which I break down completely.. Don't be sad girl, SMILE ! I will catch up on you tomorrow so make sure you feel better by then and try to understand what is happening and try to find something that will make you want to live even without him! Till tomorrow, SMILE! Thanks for chatting it really helps.... I just wish I could stop thinking about him... I want the hope dead,.p but I constantly keep looking for hope. I get so anxious I want to cry and just call him and beg... Yeah baaaaaaad idea... But why wouldn't he just leave it. Why text me at midnight and tell me to delete his contact and never contact again... He knew I have an interview that now his screwed me over cause I can't get myself together,, Why can't I just move on! Why does my happiness keep being hoping and finding ways. And his bday is in two months so I spent my time getting presents and stuff, yeah a load of **** I know.. I'm such an idiot
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 I'm not coping at all... I cried at work and I'm a wreck... All Ivan think about is him.... Guys... Does he hate me? Why is he cutting me out of his life? Is he just saying out of anger? I mean if he meant it then why wud he wait a few hours and then text me middle of the night to delete his number and never contact him? Wundt he just delete my number and ignore me?
Discover Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 I'm not coping at all... I cried at work and I'm a wreck... All Ivan think about is him.... Guys... Does he hate me? Why is he cutting me out of his life? Is he just saying out of anger? I mean if he meant it then why wud he wait a few hours and then text me middle of the night to delete his number and never contact him? Wundt he just delete my number and ignore me? Hey,girl! I am back again! Are you ok? How are you holding up? SMILE! We can't know if he hates you,but I want to ask you WHy don't you hate him? Seriously,he thought you manipulated him when you were in need the most! Maybe because he wants you to feel bad, to cry over him, to lose yourself so you can be begging him or be always available to him while he is out there living his life! Now I hope I am wrong,and don't want to bad mounth him,I am just sharing my oppinion! He would have ignored you,or told you in a different way but he seems prerry angry or stupid in my oppinion and wants to hurt you,and now all I want from you is to SMILE! Ge angry at him,seriously, after all he did to you..I know it is not easy (if you have read my story) I cried/cry a lot but I am starting to realize that this was not the way I should have been treated! Try to stop thinking about him,yes it sounds really hard but try! Cut him out of your life as well girl! Believe me, DO NOT let yourself be available to him or otherwise you are going to be even more hurt! Get rid of the presents,hide them somewhere,everything from him,hide it until you feel that you can look at them as a memory and nothing more! You are not an idiot! SMILE girl!
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Hey,girl! I am back again! Are you ok? How are you holding up? SMILE! We can't know if he hates you,but I want to ask you WHy don't you hate him? Seriously,he thought you manipulated him when you were in need the most! Maybe because he wants you to feel bad, to cry over him, to lose yourself so you can be begging him or be always available to him while he is out there living his life! Now I hope I am wrong,and don't want to bad mounth him,I am just sharing my oppinion! He would have ignored you,or told you in a different way but he seems prerry angry or stupid in my oppinion and wants to hurt you,and now all I want from you is to SMILE! Ge angry at him,seriously, after all he did to you..I know it is not easy (if you have read my story) I cried/cry a lot but I am starting to realize that this was not the way I should have been treated! Try to stop thinking about him,yes it sounds really hard but try! Cut him out of your life as well girl! Believe me, DO NOT let yourself be available to him or otherwise you are going to be even more hurt! Get rid of the presents,hide them somewhere,everything from him,hide it until you feel that you can look at them as a memory and nothing more! You are not an idiot! SMILE girl! Hey discover! Thanks, I'm trying my best.. I have an interview for a job tommorow and I woke up sick as a dog >< I noticed he checked his game at 4 in the morning.... Strange.... He has to get up for work at 6:30, so I find it weird.. But I shouldn't be stalking -_- Just kept thinking how he said getting off anti depressants was the best thing. He doesn't feel so tired anymore. And he excersizes instead... Could he really be doing so well without me... I read your threads btw.... I wish I still went to uni, I wud see him around and it wud be more painful for him than me :/ I'm more social at uni and I know he gets weaker seeing me
Discover Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Hey discover! Thanks, I'm trying my best.. I have an interview for a job tommorow and I woke up sick as a dog >< I noticed he checked his game at 4 in the morning.... Strange.... He has to get up for work at 6:30, so I find it weird.. But I shouldn't be stalking -_- Just kept thinking how he said getting off anti depressants was the best thing. He doesn't feel so tired anymore. And he excersizes instead... Could he really be doing so well without me... I read your threads btw.... I wish I still went to uni, I wud see him around and it wud be more painful for him than me :/ I'm more social at uni and I know he gets weaker seeing me Oh God,don't do this to him and don't want to inflict pain on him..as I stay on his spot in my situation,but I kind of really like that the people who talk to me are only the ones who I want,I don't know.. Anyway,Hey Girl! Yup,stop stalking! He probably said that to hurt you or to make you wonder or jealous,anyway the only way you should think about this is "That's good for him" ..that's it..don't try to compare your moving on process,everyone has a different now.but believe me it doesn't mean he is doing better without you...I can't say if he is doing so much better but believe me,this is not what you should be thinking about! Focus on your interview!!! Focus,focus,FOCUS! 1
bubblesbursted Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 Hi there I read all the details. And not to be harsh or anything but he sounds like a D**k. He does. You arent playing any game etc etc. So if he really loved you , why would he say sh*t like that to you to start with? Dont even think about that assclown. Seriously, whats wrong with him? First he wasnt supporting you during your pregnancy scare and then he blamed you for playing a game? Thats not a defination of an ideal bf. He asked you to delete his number? Fine then , go NC. Hardcore. Show him that you dont need him. Trust me, he sounds alot like my ex. And as far as I can see, your ex wants nothing more than to boost his ego seeing you suffer and seeing you caring for him. Stop stalking him. Ask Discover, I was the same. I kept stalking him and I know how it feels infact I still cheat sometimes and stalk him. But seriously, It hurts alot when you see him online having fun, thinking he moved on so easy. You need to reclaim your life back honey. You sound like an amazing woman. Please stop stalking him, the pain you suffer is worse than opening a wound. Focus on your interview yea? I had one as well yesterday. Talk to me. Anytime. I am here 1
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Hey thanks for your replies, Interviews today I just need a distract that will make me way exhausted then I can't possibly have time to contact him, and he just completely thought I was manipulating when I was scared to death! And he doesn't think those home tests would be wrong... Ur kidding me... Sigh. I wish I could think his a dick and hate him... I just can't. And times gone by and I feel like I miss him more why are we such emotional creatures. While the other person can just turn that off and live life... Then he told,e to delete hi number I asked him why his cutting me out.. And he said cause I started fights and kept breaking up... I told him I know his in pain and I'm so sorry for that... I just thought he would pull me l Closer and wouldn't leave.ll well obviously he did, and I have to live with the consequences... And the. He tells me afterwards I've done nothing but lie and manipulate.... That'd all in his mind.. Argh I just want amnesia pills,, I don't want to remember all this and remember him, it's too painful
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 Hi there I read all the details. And not to be harsh or anything but he sounds like a D**k. He does. You arent playing any game etc etc. So if he really loved you , why would he say sh*t like that to you to start with? Dont even think about that assclown. Seriously, whats wrong with him? First he wasnt supporting you during your pregnancy scare and then he blamed you for playing a game? Thats not a defination of an ideal bf. He asked you to delete his number? Fine then , go NC. Hardcore. Show him that you dont need him. Trust me, he sounds alot like my ex. And as far as I can see, your ex wants nothing more than to boost his ego seeing you suffer and seeing you caring for him. Stop stalking him. Ask Discover, I was the same. I kept stalking him and I know how it feels infact I still cheat sometimes and stalk him. But seriously, It hurts alot when you see him online having fun, thinking he moved on so easy. You need to reclaim your life back honey. You sound like an amazing woman. Please stop stalking him, the pain you suffer is worse than opening a wound. Focus on your interview yea? I had one as well yesterday. Talk to me. Anytime. I am here I hope your interview went well!!!! yay to better lives 1
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Hey guys I got the job... Lol I barely walked out of the building and they called me and offered me the job. They want me to start Monday... I think maybe I'll need to do some negotiation.. I'll just throw myself into my work and hopefully I'll heal and think of him less... And less... But In the mean time, deal with me guys roller coaster of emotions.... And DNT LET ME CONTACT HIM! I don't need things worse than it is,.. I just feel like we both need to heal so I'll leave it for 2-3 months and see how i feel, maybe I won't want him anymore. And he needs to heal. I think his sooooo hurt from me and is frustrated cause his trying to move on. I think maybe his struggling ? How are you guys going? Heard from them? Thinking of them? 1
bubblesbursted Posted February 12, 2014 Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) Hey thanks for your replies, Interviews today I just need a distract that will make me way exhausted then I can't possibly have time to contact him, and he just completely thought I was manipulating when I was scared to death! And he doesn't think those home tests would be wrong... Ur kidding me... Sigh. I wish I could think his a dick and hate him... I just can't. And times gone by and I feel like I miss him more why are we such emotional creatures. While the other person can just turn that off and live life... Then he told,e to delete hi number I asked him why his cutting me out.. And he said cause I started fights and kept breaking up... I told him I know his in pain and I'm so sorry for that... I just thought he would pull me l Closer and wouldn't leave.ll well obviously he did, and I have to live with the consequences... And the. He tells me afterwards I've done nothing but lie and manipulate.... That'd all in his mind.. Argh I just want amnesia pills,, I don't want to remember all this and remember him, it's too painful I know you cant think of him that way. Crazy Stupid Love. But think of all the bad things he did to you. I know its hard to think of bad things once they are gone but try. Like everyone asked me , i will suggest you the same, make a list of all the bad qualities about him. And when you get tempted to look at his profile or stalk him or contact him just read the list over and over. He didnt pull you back because he didnt want to work on it. You werent manipulating him! I seriously have no idea how can he think such stuff. But oh well guys are weird (some of them atleast) I wish we all could take these pills and forget about our exes but you just need to grieve. We all are grieiving. My ex left me 2.5 weeks ago after 3 years of being together because he suddenly "didnt love me & didnt want a relationship" and a week later he has another girl. I would actually really want those pills but I cant have it. Just embrace the pain. You will become much stronger than before, thats what everyone says. Keep NC. DONOT contact him even after 2-3 months until he contacts you and begs you to be with him. I repeat DONOT under any circumstances contact him. And congratualtions on the job! Now you have a way to distract yourself. Focus on your job, it will get easier . My interview was a mess. I messed it up real bad. The interviewer asked me something which was a trigger and BAM ! I was on the verge of breaking down. But fingers crossed, they said they will give me a call for the last round by the end of this week. Edited February 12, 2014 by bubblesbursted
Author FailedFirstLove Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 (edited) Sigh no miracle pills. But I, throwing myself into work. I'll work 6 days a week get home late and just die.. Then repeat it again and again... Heck I need to just not have time to even contact him! There's not much bad things^ apart from lately with his anger issues.... At me all the time constantly after breakup.. But his probably hurt.... And his sensitive... I had a nickname "mr fatty" for him... Just thought it was super cute!!!! And his NOT AT ALLL FAT. And he got so upset,,, Edited February 12, 2014 by FailedFirstLove
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