hugznkisses21 Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 I recently went to a session with my coucellor and she and I talked about my past and she had discovered that the reason why I have a hard time trusting in realtionships is because the one person i looked up to most and put most of my faith into lied to me over and over again - my mom. She asked my what could my mother have said to reassure me she was telling the truth during one of the last times she spoke with me and my answer was nothing.....i feel like no matter what i didnt belive her. nothing she could say could change that. Dont get me wrong my mother was a wonderful mother and would do anything for her children and loved us with all her heart but i feel im left with guilt, a hole because she is gone and this on going pain and trying to trust. My bf is wonderful as u all know but i cant help but think he is sometimes. I trust him but it is sooo hard for me not to think everyinw lies to me like my mom had (she would mostly lie about the reasons why she couldnt see us on our visits with her ((my parents were divorced))) And this is hard for me. For instance today i asked my bf to come away with me to a cousins and party with us.....he was like i dont know.......my friend asked me to work at his shop today.....until like 8pm. And we are driving 2 hours away. A part of me is like ok cool another time u need the money and the rest of me is like is he just saying that cause he doesnt WANT to come and doesnt want to hurt my feelings (much like my mom did) *sigh* what tactics can I use to help change my thinking patterns. And truly believe other cause i know not everyone lies
Groovy Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 I think a lot of people have trust issues from their parents, a cheating lover, abusive spouse, assault or rape from a stranger, abandonement, lying, etc. We ALL have our baggage and still get around. It's great you choose to be aware of what yours is and for this I think you will succeed. You may always need to be aware you have this issue and battle it. Know that it is normal and don't panic when the mistrust is there. As time goes by with that person it will slowly change. You will need to ask yourself "am I mistrustful for a reason or because I have been hurt"? And if you are not sure discuss it with a 3rd party for an objective view or write down what makes you mistrustful and see if you have something more than just an old emotion. Does the man your dating know this? I wouldn't share until you date someone a few months but it may be good to let them know so they can can understand. I have issues I have had to share with men so they will not misinterpert me. Any long term relationship we have shared baggage with each other and I think we all do. I don't think it is too crucial that you can share total trust in a month or a year. As long as you are capable of it, period. Any man you share your story with who is not willing to wait is not looking to be a friend anyway. Good Luck.
JackieQ Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Dont get me wrong my mother was a wonderful mother and would do anything for her children and loved us with all her heart The only thing I would add to what Groovy said... is that it's helped me to admit (to myself) that my parents were not wonderful all the time. For me, having "wonderful parents" translated to something wrong with me that was causing all my problems. When I realized my parents were human like the rest of us...I was better able to see how what they did caused some of my problems... And, gradually, I've also been able to see how other things they did gave me some + strengths.
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