confusedjan Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) I was in a 6 year relationship with a guy that I met when I was 16 (he was 20). We broke up but remained friends after the 6 years for about 8 months but those months were the worst months in my life. Let me start from the beginning. When we first got together things were great ofcourse and then about 2 years in the relationship I noticed he was a little controlling. Me being young over looked it and I started to let him control me and the things that we did. Then we moved in together and I paid all the bills and though he was working, he didn't help out. He told me that I pressured him to get a car and that he was saving all his money on that. I don't feel I pressured him to get a car but I did mention it sometimes when he asked to borrow mine because of multiple reasons. Moving on, we moved out of the apartment to save to move across the country together. Even though he knew the plan he blamed me for moving because he said I didn't keep us together. After that time he lived with his friend and he was very mean to me. He didn't appreciate the things that I did, all the money I spent, and me driving 40 minutes to see him almost daily. He always had an attitude and blamed me for everything. Also, he wouldn't really have sex with me and when he did it was the same position and he NEVER did foreplay. I tried to talk about it but then he would say that I was hurting his feelings or that it made him uncomfortable. I approached him the most gentle way I could. So, I made a mistake and cheated on him. After that I told him the truth and he eventually forgave me but nothing changed. He always put himself first and only did things on his time. Even 5 years into the relationship he just kept telling me to be patient with him sexually or that we just don't have to have sex at all. Over the years I gave him whatever he wanted and I gave him all of me but I feel like he never did the same. He was always very secretive with his phone (I don't think he cheated on me sexually) and still controlling. I tried every way to talk to him and to make things right until eventually I just snapped. I started to assert myself and tell him what I wanted and (I regret doing this) telling him how other men would treat me better. He didn't work for 2 years after we moved apart and expected me to do a lot for him financially. I threw a lot of stuff in his face until I pushed him away and he got a new girlfriend (I didn't find out until a year later). I realized all the mistakes that I made and I attempted to change and we worked things out. We ended up moving across the country together and things went from bad to worse. He stopped having sex with me for months at a time. He said I beat down his self confidence which I don't understand because I talked to him politely and honestly the whole time. Neither one of us could find a job at first and it made things more stressful. I found myself being irritated a lot because of the situation and the fact that he didn't help us move, nor did he bring in any money. But he told how I was acting and I started being supportive and I changed my ways. As time went on we argued more and more until we decided to just be friends. I decided I didn't want to be with him but I wanted him in my life so I pushed him away romantically. He eventually starting having female friends and I told him I needed time and space to let my emotions and feelings heal. He basically told me that was stupid and I should be like him and not acknowledge those feelings. He use to say he wanted to marry me (while we were friends) but we had to have time to be single first and enjoy life. Throughout the whole relationship he has been controlling, selfish, and very secretive. I'm not saying he was the only person wrong because I was too and I take responsibility for everything that I did. I just don't understand why he never appreciated me after everything I did. I literally took care of him for years and moved us across the country. He blamed every single problem we had on me and said it was my fault. He rarely owned up to his mistakes and he talked to me like a child a lot of the time. Now that I completed cut him out of my life (as of last Sunday) I just cant stop thinking about him. He was the love of my life and I would do anything for him. I don't feel he would do the same and I know we aren't compatible anymore but why can't I get over him? Why do I keep checking his twitter? He's going on like nothing ever happened, like losing me wasn't a big deal at all. I gave him all of me. How can he move on so fast and have sex with different woman like he wasn't just telling me he still loved me and wanted to marry me? I don't want him back but I just want to know honestly what's wrong with me. Edited February 25, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
Tae Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 It is going to be very difficult for me to write something. I don't really have that much experience or witness to give you any insights. But what I can say is that you both tried to be in the relationship and it lasted for 6 years! despite the fact that you were not sexually compatible, and faced other challenges. NC is the best way to go. It is gonna take a long time for you to move on. No one knows how your ex feels at the moment, and you can't quite say that he does not feel anything right now. To feel pain is better than to feel nothing. Especially after all these years together, it is natural for you to long for him, miss him, and say you love him. Nothing is wrong with you.
legion113 Posted February 25, 2014 Posted February 25, 2014 Nothing is wrong with you, THIS guy however looks like a typical loser that ends up on Jerry Springer and mooches of his girlfriend.
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