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my ex since the break up has been updating his FB sometimes 2-3 times a day

Blizeow

By Blizeow
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Blizeow Member

Blizeow

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It had been two months post BU and 29 days NC. I am not on any social networks anymore, and I received a call from a girlfriend telling me that my ex since the break up has been updating his FB sometimes 2-3 times a day, gushing and bragging about his company, going out and about, pictures on IG being out in the city, pics with women...

 

This was my best friend, my lover, everything... He was always so sweet and respectful... And I feel like his "throwing it all out there" is mean and makes me feel hurt and embarrassed.

 

I can't believe he is "so happy," and I am so sad. I feel like a piece of garbage that has been thrown away with no regard. I am so hurt.

 

We are in our mid/late 20s and I feel like he gets to go out and look great and have a fabulous time... And I'm just getting older and sad.

BlametheIrish Established Member

BlametheIrish

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Block him on FB. Looki.g at his FB is not good for your mental health. And not all.mrn are like that, its easy to feel that way when you're still.hurting grom a breakup, you'll feel differently in the future. Day by day things will get better, just try and occupy your mind with other things. And the longer you stay out of his business the better you'll feel :)

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mantlefan Established Member

mantlefan

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Facebook is an excellent place to try to convince yourself you are happy.

 

 

It's a lot more complicated than I am making it sound, but my gf of 5 years left me to go after my friend. I felt like trash too.

 

 

I think it is a reality check though. I put way too much of my happiness into being with her. Once she was gone, I really felt like I had nothing.

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Tulipsgold Member

Tulipsgold

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I really do feel your pain. It stings so bad, the person who only weeks ago said he loved you, was so lucky to have you now seems to not care about you at all anymore. Although my ex BF isn't active on Facebook, it still is so difficult to understand how he seems to be just fine with us having NC. Yet here is the thing, it's not about him anymore. God knows what he's really thinking, doing, saying, feeling. Why should you care? This dwelling on why he is doing what he is doing, or why he seems so okay with NC, it doesn't matter anymore. It won't help you in ANY WAY. It only makes it harder for you to recover, get back on your feet, and get over him.

We must accept that things are over, all we can do now is work on being kind to ourselves and mend our broken heart. Don't care about how he is mending his.

Ofcourse this sounds waaaay easier that it actually is, but believe that you can do it, and your already have way there!!

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guest572 Established Member

guest572

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I don't think it is a gender thing, most people are sooooo happy on Facebook but if they were really out living their lives why would they have so much time for Facebook?! Tell your friends not to inform you about him again!

 

I am unsure who initiated the breakup but I feel the same after being dumped, although I don't keep in contact. I am sure he is out having a blast now that he had destroyed me and my life is at a standstill.

Heroeric Member

Heroeric

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Its normal when the ex is still hurting inside. Like mentioned above, Facebook is the perfect place to convince yourself your happy. I've done it before after a break up, and it's been simply because I've been miserable and hurting and deep down I would think if I posted happy and active stuff, somehow I can push forward and gain positive attention from friends.

 

All an all, it's just a coping method for him to try to move on, he is still hurting inside.

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FailedFirstLove Established Member

FailedFirstLove

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Same boat here... Only mine isn't bragging or anything but his able to live life normally .... While I'm struggling to even sleep! It's not fair,,,, but I think guys can "distract" themselves.. So the time they spend dwelling on a breakup is maybe 2 secs a week? If ur lucky! They have this ability to just zone out.

 

While we girls dwell and think on it all :(:(

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Blizeow Member

Blizeow

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Block him on FB. Looki.g at his FB is not good for your mental health. And not all.

 

I agree with you- I mentioned in my thread I do not have an active FB. So, not only is he blocked- I do not even have an account.

 

He and I both had very "limelight" careers, so unfortunately I am pretty much plagued with hearing about him no matter what. And since I have "gone MIA" aka hiding in my bed and crying 24/7... He does not have to hear about me.

 

My feelings are just hurt. I would have thought he would have cared at least a little considering out history. That's all.

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Blizeow Member

Blizeow

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Facebook is an excellent place to try to convince yourself you are happy.

 

Really? I never was big into FB when I had one, and now that I do not have one, I feel like I do not even know how it works...

 

It doesn't make me feel "better" to think maybe it is all smoke and mirrors about him portraying he is okay... But at least now I am not hating myself. I was starting to literally hate myself. It made me feel like "Maybe that's why we are over... He wanted a fun, "cool," adventurous woman... So now he's doing that."

 

I don't know. It just hurt to hear about everyone saying how "great" he is. Especially, because I am not.

mammasita Established Member

mammasita

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I feel your pain.

 

I went thru the same. I felt like I was in bed crying for two months while my ex was out partying living it up having a good old time.

 

You know, in retrospect.....my advice to you is this....grieve, get through it. Cry, stay in bed, eat ice cream. Who cares WTF he is doing. Lean into in the pain, work through it and I promise you will come out 100 times stronger than your ex will ever be.

 

...and when he comes back, because they usually do (mine did), he'll see how strong and amazing you look and are doing WITHOUT him and wonder why he let you go and beg for you back....at which point you won't want his dumb a55 :p

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Blizeow Member

Blizeow

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Tell your friends not to inform you about him again!

 

I actually could not even believe that she brought him up- just even hearing his name I was in shock. She actually made me feel terrible. I changed the topic, but if she even tries to broach this topic again I am going to tell her it is too hurtful and do not want to hear anything.

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Blizeow Member

Blizeow

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...and when he comes back, because they usually do (mine did), he'll see how strong and amazing you look and are doing WITHOUT him and wonder why he let you go and beg for you back....at which point you won't want his dumb a55 :p

 

Unfortunately, I do not believe he will ever come back... And it's hurtful and a sad pill to swallow, but I am glad yours did and you were able to tell him to go scratch.

 

How awesome would that be if he one day saw how great I was doing, and I could do the same...

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Blizeow Member

Blizeow

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advice to you. go out and have a fabulous time. don't wallow in self pity.

 

Easier said than done.

Itspointless Established Member

Itspointless

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but I think guys can "distract" themselves.. So the time they spend dwelling on a breakup is maybe 2 secs a week? If ur lucky! They have this ability to just zone out.

Do you really think that?

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Blizeow Member

Blizeow

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Do you really think that?

 

I don't agree with that statement... I believe that must be someone that is tremulously younger to be able to spend "2 secs" then they are over it. I have dated men that still think of their ex wives or prior girlfriends years later. Needless to say, I did not continue to date those men...

Itspointless Established Member

Itspointless

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some guys wallow and some guys get out their and live their lives.

Yes, just like some woman do.

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Blizeow Member

Blizeow

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start today. go out with the girlfriends or even alone. do something. that's how I've gotten over girls. might even meet a new guy, but even if you don't you'll have had a good time.

 

It hard when my friends have families with children... Can't really go out with "girlfriends." Pretty sure their husbands and kids will have a problem with that. I did go out for the first time in months with a single male friend... PLATONIC. It felt strange going out- and I missed my ex the entire time. I faked a smile and conversation, but on the way home was so sad and miserable.

 

I understand your advice, and I appreciate it. Unfortunately, I think men have an easier time finding people to "go out" with. I would literally pay money to have an attractive, single, woman to be my friend to go out with.

 

Now, my own thread is making me more depressed and sad.

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Blizeow Member

Blizeow

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And I would like to point out, I don't believe I am "wallowing." I just genuinely sad and feeling the pain from heartbreak. I understand that I am a capable human being that is very fortunate to have the life that I do; however, I cannot just flip a switch and "be fine." Which is why I wrote this thread because I feel that is what my ex did. I was looking for a little retrospect on that.

I do not think that I am wallowing- just confused and genuinely hurt.

Itspointless Established Member

Itspointless

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"wallowing."

I just learned a new word, second languages are interesting :)

 

Just to say, I am also at that age that most of my friends have families. I honestly do not know if it is easier for guys to find someone to go out with. Perhaps it is more culturally influenced than by gender.

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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I find you learn about people by what they post on their FB. I have a FB account b/c my brother has been pestering me about getting one, but didn't see and really don't see the great value of having one. The ONLY value is to keep up with "real" friends and family.

 

People who put out their dirty laundry on public, social media are just nasty or immature. OP, you're ex may be using FB as a means to get through pain, but it mostly speaks of his immaturity and vindictiveness. Strong, sensible, decent, mature people don't use social media to hurt others.

 

He may be hurting, but he is also trying to hurt you. You know now what you would have had to deal with if your relationship progressed. Of course not the way you'd want to find out.

 

Who broke it off? And why? Anyway, keep it confidential, private among closest friends, family to move on and heal.

Edited by soccerrprp
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Blizeow Member

Blizeow

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Soccerrprp,

 

I had to look up what OP meant before I responded. Haha, still getting used to this forum stuff- thank you for your response. I loved every aspect of my ex, and I believe that is a problem. You're right. Someone must be very immature to do something like that. I need to focus on that aspect instead of turning it around to blame myself.

FailedFirstLove Established Member

FailedFirstLove

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I don't agree with that statement... I believe that must be someone that is tremulously younger to be able to spend "2 secs" then they are over it. I have dated men that still think of their ex wives or prior girlfriends years later. Needless to say, I did not continue to date those men...

 

That's why I think that. The beginning they distract themselves so we'll.. Then later they feel the pain cause they never got to grieve.... While girls grieve sooooo much at the beginning and usually have better support systems..

 

The more you deal with it the better you will just come to an understanding that it's over.. If u don't grieve the pain is still there

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