Bigmess2 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 (edited) My boyfriend and I moved in together a little over a month ago and we've been together a little over a year. He's got a very flirtatious personality and I looked through his phone for the first time Wednesday night. I know I should have never invaded his space and that was very wrong of me but his phone was there and I have my curiosities because I'm not allowed to visit him at work, on Facebook he has never had a picture of me up it doesn't say in a relationship and sometimes I tag him in things and he doesn't accept them. I know he's a very flirtatious person and he manages a restaurant and he becomes friendly with many girls. Which I knew coming into the relationship but I still get very insecure because he takes no steps to make me feel secure. He says that moving in together and him telling me he wants to spend his life with me. So anyway when I went through his phone he had just been having a conversation with a girl I don't know and she was saying how the balls in his court and how she's so into him and he was saying you know my situation. So I confronted him about it and all hell broke loose. He was like its nothing believe what you want I can't believe you went through my phone and disrespected my privacy. And that night he slept on the couch and the next morning said he'd needed to think about if our relationship was what he wanted because my insecurities aren't changing and he can't believe I disrespected him. So he didn't talk to me Thursday or yesterday but slept in bed with me. But I wanted to give him the space he needed. So this morning I said can we break the silence and if he knows what he wants. He said he guesses he wants to break up. In the midst of our break up he said I have to take a **** you can talk to me through the door. Then he told me he's not going to change and has done nothing wrong and since I won't change he can't handle being with an insecure person because it's not compatible with his personality. So I left to go to my parents house because he left to go to the gym. I get home and a couple hours later he texts me hey. I said hey. He goes where are you? I said at my moms. He goes well I hope you come home. I said I mean I'd like to come home. And then he said it's our home. And that was it. But I just don't get why if he just broke up with me he wants me to come home? Edited February 10, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
pickflicker Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I don't know why he's asking you to come home, but I do know that invading his privacy was wrong. I don't acknowledge relationships on FB either, I think it's tacky and ridiculous.
Scales Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) My boyfriend and I moved in together a little over a month ago and we've been together a little over a year. He's got a very flirtatious personality and I looked through his phone for the first time Wednesday night. I know I should have never invaded his space and that was very wrong of me but his phone was there and I have my curiosities because I'm not allowed to visit him at work, on Facebook he has never had a picture of me up it doesn't say in a relationship and sometimes I tag him in things and he doesn't accept them. Not Justifiable. Not even a little. Edited February 10, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
veggirl Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Your bf is a cheater and has no respect for you, seriously. I'd highlight the blatant red flags in your post, but it'd basically be the whole thing. Why in the world would you move in with some guy who won't even acknowledge your R publicly? Quit being a doormat! Ugh. 4
anna121 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Um, he takes a dump in the middle of your break-up? Did I read that right? Run away. 8
Author Bigmess2 Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 So I came home last night... And I know what probably all of you are saying... Is this girl an idiot!? So he gets home and crawls into bed and starts rubbing my arm. So I look at him and he smiles. And I'm like what's up? He's like nothing. So I wAs like why did you want me to come home? He's like idk. I'm like what do you mean you don't know? He's like well you live here too. I'm like yeah I know that. He's like why did you go to your moms? I was like because I'm sad and don't want to be here. And he's like your not sad. And I'm like yeah I am you basically told me you want nothing to do with me And he's like oh I did not say that you act like I was being so cold earlier. I was like well you were. And then he kept calling me babe like 4 times and he's like oh wait. I mean ***I'm so used to calling you babe. And then I was like so you weren't having like second thoughts? He's like I'm always having second thoughts. Then he starts playing this song called I'll forgive you by bobby Valentino. Then he plays say something I'm giving up on you and he puts the speaker in my ear. And was like im giving up on you but not in a serious voice in like a stupid voice. And then he fell asleep. And he's still sleeping. Then today he's like babe can you wake me up at 1230? So I said sure. I wake him up and come back into the living room. Then he's like babe come here. Because he wanted me to watch some funny videos online with him. So then he just gets ready to go to work. And he's like alright see you later. And I was like bye. And he's like text me later if you love me. And I get off the couch and he jokes around and locks himself in the bathroom. And he comes out and goes ok 1 kiss. So I'm like so were back together? He goes no we aren't back together I just love you too much. And walks out. I just don't understAnd. I feel like it's all a big game but I don't want to play games I just want to be real. I apologized for my mistakes and have said all I needed to say it's now up to him. But it's all or nothing and I can't live with him if we aren't together. My friends think I should sleep at my parents for a few days but I'm scared if I do he'll get more angry... Or be spiteful and sleep out. I want things to work out so badly. Despite this nonsense we always have fun together and laugh and I just don't understand why this was a good enough reason to give up and break up. And him dancing around the situation is messing with my brain.
ithappenedagain Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Um, he takes a dump in the middle of your break-up? Did I read that right? Run away. I hate to sabotage this thread, because I do feel the OP's pain, but man.... This was the funniest thing I heard/read all day. Thanks for the smile!! 1
ithappenedagain Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 So I'm like so were back together? He goes no we aren't back together I just love you too much. And walks out. Honey... I have one piece of advice for you. Hire movers, or call up all of your friends or family and MOVE ALL OF YOUR STUFF OUT when he is at work. This douchebag/tough guy will turn into a baby REAL quick once he realizes he lost you. But something tells me you wont do that..... I hope you do.
Leigh 87 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Ugh, where is your self esteem woman! coming from me this should be a wake up call to you. I have been in your shoes... I will share my break up story, as my ex did a similar thing; he called me pet names, told me he still loved me, told me he would probably want to get back together with me.... turned up at my house wanting to sleep with me (no sex, he just wanted to cuddle). I tell you, it didn't change a thing; he never suddenly had an epiphany that I was the love of his life, and he was too madly in love with me to dump my ass:lmao: He called you babe a few times and wanted to watch funny videos with you, so you get all mushy and think "wow he seems like he is really in love with me" Really? All he has to do is call you "babe" and want to '' stroke your arm", and your all hopeful that these are signs that the man must love and respect you? It sounds super pathetic the way you carry on about him calling you "babe". Like really? The guy WAS hiding your relationship from people. And you cling on to the "babe" thing? IF they were in love with us had respect for us they would not have left us in the first place. It doesn't matter HOW many times they still call us pet names! That DOESN'T mean they suddenly realise that we are the loves of their lives! If we truly ever were they would NOT have left us unless it was for a VERY good reason! Snooping was wrong, but he is a cheating douche! He is being selfish by calling you babe and wanting to have you around him when he has no intention of getting back together with you. He is totally leading you on. But he is probably not intentionally hurting you. My ex didn't ever set out to hurt me. Not once. He just lacked enough self awareness to realise that telling me he may get back together with me one day but he doesn't want to give me false hope, WAS in fact, giving me false hope! He should have just went No Contact but he is a guy and guys normally are not all that self aware. They don't know how to go about break ups in the best possible manner. My ex did this to me after our break up, but he was honest the whole time and I knew what I was getting into; he told me he simply still felt so pained at the notion of NOT being with me, he obviously missed his companion he enjoyed spending so much time with, and he did not know if we would ever get back together. He went from saying " we will probably get back together" to " I don't think we will get back together in the near future, not for a long time" After 2 months of this cuddling, having sex twice with him and still calling each other pet names, I went overseas. That was last June. I have not seen him since. We have stopped talking. We have new partners. It is incredibly sad sometimes, to lose a person you were once very close with. My ex and I struggled immensely with it, even though we knew in our hearts that we were not meant to be together long term. It was so hard for us that we felt such a huge need to have to still be together, we just didn't have it in us to .... just cut it off just like that. Please don't mistake the fact that he may miss you as him wanting to get back together with you. My ex and I missed each other very much and it was exceptionally painful for us both to part ways. ................................................................. We were both hurting a lot; it DID NOT mean he suddenly realised that I was the love of his life and wanted me back. He had a very hard time of saying goodbye. He didn't want sex from me. He turned down all my advances. He was simply hurting a lot because we were very close. He knew we needed to break up yet couldn't bare being apart from me. That was my story.... I can pretty much guarantee that he won't ever come to realise that you are "the one" for him, and suddenly want to get back together with you. It is VERY rare that a guy realises that he let "the love of his life" go. It has only ever happened to ONE poster on here. You need to move out, cut contact with him and let go of any false hope you have of him wanting to get back together with you.
Leigh 87 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 By the way.. I also had to "snoop". Yes I had to. He had been texting HUNDREDS of women. Sometimes skyping them. I couldn't admit it to myself so I needed the hard evidence that he just wasn't that in love with me. It is bad that we couldn't just leave these men when we had doubts and red flags blaring at us. Next time we need to just leave men once they keep doing things that are off. Snooping WAS wrong of us, but we don't have to let it happen again by being EXTRA savvy with who we date and let into our lives. We don't need to snoop if we learn how to only let in decent, genuine guys to begin with.
Author Bigmess2 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 I really appreciate all of your messages. I wish people were just good. If you give your all to a person they should have to give their all just as much. It's 3am... His job closed 4 hours ago. He's still not home I'm an idiot.
David87 Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Run away and fast. He isn't too serious about this relationship.
Author Bigmess2 Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 I feel like a drug addict. I know that this relationship is toxic but I can't help but still want him. And I know nothing will change. And I know it's my own fault for this roller coaster of pain I'm letting happen to me. I need serious help.
CaliBabe Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 You need to get some serious professional help. Please do some research and try to help yourself. You look so weak to him and more importantly, yourself.
mtnbiker3000 Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 How old is this douche? I hope 18 or else he's got major issues... Is this really what you want? Is this really the best you can do?? I think not...
Author Bigmess2 Posted February 11, 2014 Author Posted February 11, 2014 We are both 26. What I want is for him just to be honest with me and to care enough to work on things with me. And I know every single person around me is like why would you want that!? But I guess I haven't gotten to that breaking point yet. Maybe it will come eventually...
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