pinkdaisy Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Seeing a new guy for about a month. He lives about an hour away so only been a couple of times a week. We clicked straight away and he was really full on with making plans etc... I was a bit stand offish to start with but then softened. Over the past week he's been alot less communicative, we we supposed to see each other today but he had a car crash on Thurs so Firstly had to sort which he did and said he'd still be over this afternoon. I didn't hear of him till 3 today and he reckoned he wad in pain so going to A&E. I know the accident happened and I think he probably is in pain but I have niggling doubt about his feelings. The change coincides with him adding a local girl on fb and he commented on her wall at 11 today when he didn't get in touch with me till hours later. My problem is I fall fast and hard so I'm now feeling sick about this situation, think I need to completely back off and see what happens but would appreciate opinions. Feel like I always end up in this situation and I can't see the point anymore x
soccerrprp Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I don't know what is going on with this guy, but this is going to hurt you again and again.... My problem is I fall fast and hard.... Which will result in this again and again.... ...I always end up in this situation... You need to work on taking things slowly, objectively. Resist the temptation of thinking that he's the guy for until he has shown, after some time, that he is genuine or at least interested. Your frustration is mostly from your inability to take things slow, w/o getting emotionally attached too soon. Work on this and it will clearly go a long way to improving your relationship outlook. Why do you think you're this way? 1
Author pinkdaisy Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Thanks, you're spot on and I can see myself doing it but seem unable to stop! Not sure why I get like this, think I have insecurity issues and also the fear of ending up alone. I torture myself trying to find out things, it's like at least that way it can't hit me out of the blue. Which sometimes I feel can be a self fulfilling prophecy. He said he'd let me know how he got on at the hospital, but I think after that I need to leave it upto him. It will be hard and a conscious effort all the time on my part but I can't think of another way x
Versacehottie Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 There's a good thread which i will try to find and post link to about not getting too emotionally attached too soon. It is really hard but definitely my best recommendation is to have a full, busy life and date several guys or at least be talking to several until exclusivity happens. I know it's not easy for some, especially if you have convinced yourself that you don't like multi-dating. But in reality many guys are doing exactly that and it's hurtful to find out or suspect that they have UNLESS you are doing the same yourself because you realize it's too early to have become exclusive. Just keeps things in perspective. Here's my other tip: make sure that they pin YOU down rather than other way around. Another tip which is hard but very helpful is stay off of facebook and social media where you can either see what he is up to or imagine that he is up something. It's is just a confidence-destroyer. And confidence is exactly what you need in the beginning of relationship when a lot is up in the air. Good luck!
Versacehottie Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Here's the thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/445514-ladies-how-do-you-stay-emotionally-detached-during-first-few-weeks-dating-7.html#post5450845
pickflicker Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 It's been a month, you need to relax a bit. There's been no promises of fidelity...
Leigh 87 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 (edited) Actually, not everyone dates more than one person at a time. I am going to tell you about me: I am a hard and fast girl, but I have learnt to be "chill" or whatever it is people advocate, even with the guys who are really into me. I was like this with current bf after getting burnt on one too many times due to falling too hard too fast with men who turned off me early on. First of all, I believe it is best to find guys who don't need several dates to figure out if they are into you. THEN you can be as chill as you like, but with a guy who is into you from the start and doesn't need many dates to "see" whether you are the girl he likes the most out of all the other girls he is dating.. Some guys meet women who they know right away is special and who they are really into; they do not go on dates with other women once they meet a woman that they really like If you meet someone and you are both mutually really into each other, there is no need to date others. Sometimes you meet that person who you really like, where it is mutual, and where neither of you WANT to continue to go on "dates" with others? I prefer to hold out for that someone "special".. a guy who is really into me from date one - who likes me too much to even want to go on dates with others once he meets me. HOWEVER - I still believe that u should take it slow with the person you really like. I have learnt that this is important! My bf and I acted normal and didn't talk about marriage or babies or commitment on the first date:lmao: Some guys make it known to you early on that they are really into you and they only have eyes for you. Many guys prefer to see if things work out with the ONE woman, before they try other women out for sized. Two guys I met said they wanted to focus on the one girl they are into before they even feel like going on dates. It is not necessarily common that a guy will like you enough to begin with to want to only focus on you. Never assume he is into you until his actions show it. THEN invest. Most people well tell you things lie "chill" and "the healthy and normal thing to do is to date others until u can make an informed decision". I agree with the "chill" part. My bf and I were plenty "chill" and yet we were really into each other and made it clear that we felt no need to date other people when we already liked each other so much. Until you know for sure whether or not a guy is into you, don't put any stock into it working out with him, since he may be dating others. I personally prefer to wait for men who like me too much to even want to date other women. That doesn't mean you should go crazy and allow yourself to get super carried away, even with the guys who are super into you. Edited February 9, 2014 by Leigh 87 1
Author pinkdaisy Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Update on the situation. We've seen each other today and that's it. He said the crash made him reevaluate things and that he couldn't handle me being far away. That he'd rather end things now in case it didn't work and it hurt more further down the line. It really sucks as he is a good guy and all he's been is honest but it's not what I want to hear. He said that he didn't want me to close myself off again and to be myself but I can't keep ending up in the same situation. Thanks for the replies when I'm in the right head space I know there's great advice there xx
HappyLove Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 You need to work on falling fast and hard. He's using the distance as an excuse. Take a break from dating and work on yourself. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 Good luck pinkdaisy. You will move on to bigger and better things. 1
Recommended Posts