bubblesbursted Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 So I dont know how many of you know my backstory, please read it in my previous threads. but here is the thing * Ex contacts my best friend (not MUTUAL) saying he would be coming over TOMORROW to collect his stuff. (he was due to come yesterday and I had made plans to go out so I dont face him) but now he says he would be coming tomorrow! My friend asked him the time (since I asked hoping to get out of my place when he comes) and guess what? He doesnt f**king give a time. He says "I will come when I am free". I asked my friends ( I dont have too many friends to start with) to make plans for tomorrow and just my luck they arent available. I cant box it up either like I said in my earlier threads , his stuff is laying around everywhere and I cant face it. What do I do? I dont want to face him because I will end up feeling miserable PLUS I have abig interview on Monday. I cant mess it up. * My friend who is stupid enough asks him why did this **** happen (trust me she was trying to help ) and he freaking blamed me. She told me he said "Ask Bubbles she can only tell why this happened!" Like what the f**k I freaking have no idea why he dumped me. I dont know I am so mad and pissed plus I cant stop shaking and am so worried about tomorrow. Some Suggestion would be really appreciated since its too early in the morning he can come any freaking time.
JDPT Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Truthfully, and I'm not certain about logistics but his stuff should have been packed long ago. It may just be as simply as throwing his stuff in a box and leaving it with this friend so he can pick it up from her. Your objective is not to see him and understandably so. This is what I would do, grab every little thing you can find of his and throw it in a box. Don't dwell over the conversation that took friend between your friend and your ex, anything that may have been said it's utterly irrelevant at this point. What's most important at this point is your interview, but for now focus on getting rid of his stuff so you can focus on what actually matters. 2
darkmoon Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 chuck it all in binliners and phone him to tell him it is all outside the front door, he can come when he is free, okay, come on, he is not to be bothered with, go get your job which matters more surely, there might be a new boyf there, binliner front door. full stop. 2
TaraMaiden Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 ...... Some Suggestion would be really appreciated since its too early in the morning he can come any freaking time. Ask your friend to tell him you won't be there, and it's not convenient to not have a time, so he will find all his stuff on the porch/front step. Then go out for the day, on your own, and do what you want to do. Be self-sufficient and independent. You don't need anyone else to carry you through this, and he has no right to presume he can yank your chain and manipulate you. Pack up his stuff tonight, throw it outside in the morning, then leave and go on a day trip somewhere. be free, and enjoy yourself.... 3
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 I cant really ask my friend to text him right now. Its too early. I will try and box all his stuff. The only thing holding me back is that I dont want to end up breaking down and crying. I just dont think I can handle that. And of course the interview is the MOST important thing. I cant really take any chance with that. Its my dream to work in that company. Second thing, I cant forget this. He freaking blamed me for him dumping me? Like what the f**k. I cant even express how I am feeling. I am so mad and pissed that he cant even MAN up and admit his f**king fault.
JDPT Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 When a stranger bumps into you on the street do you allow that incident to ruin your fundamental perspectives and give it the power to perpetuate to the unknown? We, as human beings tend to create a snowball effect all by ourselves. However, we also have the inner strength and knowledge to utterly eradicate these feelings we harbor towards the other individual. In other words, there is essentially nothing to dwell over here. View this as a transaction, this stranger will like to retrieve his items and you of course have no objection. The logistics behind coordinating this transaction may be uncomfortable to say the least but as they say, there is not way to do it but to do it. I don't have a fear of needles but when a nurse draws blood I always say to myself "just do it already dammit!!" lol, helps me cope. Do the same, this is just part of the journey as you venture into healing. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 When a stranger bumps into you on the street do you allow that incident to ruin your fundamental perspectives and give it the power to perpetuate to the unknown? We, as human beings tend to create a snowball effect all by ourselves. However, we also have the inner strength and knowledge to utterly eradicate these feelings we harbor towards the other individual. In other words, there is essentially nothing to dwell over here. View this as a transaction, this stranger will like to retrieve his items and you of course have no objection. The logistics behind coordinating this transaction may be uncomfortable to say the least but as they say, there is not way to do it but to do it. I don't have a fear of needles but when a nurse draws blood I always say to myself "just do it already dammit!!" lol, helps me cope. Do the same, this is just part of the journey as you venture into healing. You are right..I'll try & box it up..Need to let go & am gonna hope he doesnt come in, he has a spare key. 1
darkmoon Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I cant really ask my friend to text him right now. Its too early. I will try and box all his stuff. The only thing holding me back is that I dont want to end up breaking down and crying. I just dont think I can handle that. And of course the interview is the MOST important thing. I cant really take any chance with that. Its my dream to work in that company. Second thing, I cant forget this. He freaking blamed me for him dumping me? Like what the f**k. I cant even express how I am feeling. I am so mad and pissed that he cant even MAN up and admit his f**king fault. have you got your job interview planned clothes, what you can offer, all that stuff? take a deep breath, dance about to rev up your happiness hormones - what is a young lady doing wrecking her weekend here? We can't be having that now! 2
JDPT Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 You are right..I'll try & box it up..Need to let go & am gonna hope he doesnt come in, he has a spare key. Time to change locks. I had a spare key to my ex's house as well. Clearly, I didn't want to see her so I tossed the key on a river for it to never be found. 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 have you got your job interview planned clothes, what you can offer, all that stuff? take a deep breath, dance about to rev up your happiness hormones - what is a young lady doing wrecking her weekend here? We can't be having that now! Thats what I was planning to do today (sunday) Clothes are set Today (saturday) I had gone out with my gfs , Sunday (today) was supposed to be the prep day until I got THIS news.
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Time to change locks. I had a spare key to my ex's house as well. Clearly, I didn't want to see her so I tossed the key on a river for it to never be found. What was I doing for past 2 weeks I could have done all this (boxing the stuff, changing locks) when it was all fresh. It feels like I wasted all the time in grieving. 1
JDPT Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 What was I doing for past 2 weeks I could have done all this (boxing the stuff, changing locks) when it was all fresh. It feels like I wasted all the time in grieving. It's never too late, like going back to school. Focus on NOW, don't dwell on the past, simply learn and allow it to mold you into a better YOU. You will come out of this a new and improved you. 2
darkmoon Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 What was I doing for past 2 weeks I could have done all this (boxing the stuff, changing locks) when it was all fresh. It feels like I wasted all the time in grieving. do not self-destruct on his account. this man has no control over you. dance. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 I'll get the locks changed asap and will start boxing stuff soon. ill dance after i get the job! 2
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 2 Things happened First thing : He didnt turn up ! Yay! I checked, his box was still outside and its pretty late in the night now. I am sure he wont be turning up now. Phew. Sigh of relief ( Cant believe I am saying this. Had anyone told me I would be saying this last year, I would have laughed at their face. Funny how things change) Second thing: My best friend, lets call her Stacey cant seem to forgive my a** of an ex, she started texting him again , she told me later. And he was immature enough to again blame me. I expected this only from him but I was tired of hearing his name again and again so I asked my friend to stop talking to him FOREVER now. I dont want to know what he says and I dont want him to be rude to my friends either. Ugh. He pisses me off so I texted him once and all to not be rude to my friends and I blocked his number without expecting any reply ( Its not breaking NC right?) AND Big day tomorrow.
JDPT Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 2 Things happened First thing : He didnt turn up ! Yay! I checked, his box was still outside and its pretty late in the night now. I am sure he wont be turning up now. Phew. Sigh of relief ( Cant believe I am saying this. Had anyone told me I would be saying this last year, I would have laughed at their face. Funny how things change) Second thing: My best friend, lets call her Stacey cant seem to forgive my a** of an ex, she started texting him again , she told me later. And he was immature enough to again blame me. I expected this only from him but I was tired of hearing his name again and again so I asked my friend to stop talking to him FOREVER now. I dont want to know what he says and I dont want him to be rude to my friends either. Ugh. He pisses me off so I texted him once and all to not be rude to my friends and I blocked his number without expecting any reply ( Its not breaking NC right?) AND Big day tomorrow. With regards to your friends, they are asking for the type of treatment, I mean what else do they expect from the angry and bitter ex? I'm not certain it's up to you to intervene and yes it is considered breaking NC. I think the best course of action would be to get your point across and ask this friend to not mentioned anything pertaining to him period. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 With regards to your friends, they are asking for the type of treatment, I mean what else do they expect from the angry and bitter ex? I'm not certain it's up to you to intervene and yes it is considered breaking NC. I think the best course of action would be to get your point across and ask this friend to not mentioned anything pertaining to him period. I did tell my friend to NEVER contact him or she would loose me. It doesnt feel right. I broke NC again
JDPT Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I did tell my friend to NEVER contact him or she would loose me. It doesnt feel right. I broke NC again Don't beat yourself up over it. As you are aware we have ALL broken NC sooner or later. Even those who seemingly appear to have made genuine progress have that moment of weakness that leads them to make impulsive decisions. Learn from this experience and move forward. You just need a little bit of guidance but fundamentally have a pretty solid foundation as to what it is you need to do in order to propel yourself through this. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Don't beat yourself up over it. As you are aware we have ALL broken NC sooner or later. Even those who seemingly appear to have made genuine progress have that moment of weakness that leads them to make impulsive decisions. Learn from this experience and move forward. You just need a little bit of guidance but fundamentally have a pretty solid foundation as to what it is you need to do in order to propel yourself through this. Thank you JDPT I was mad and I broke NC. He isnt worth it. I will try my best now
JDPT Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Thank you JDPT I was mad and I broke NC. He isnt worth it. I will try my best now Absolutely- that's all we can essentially do keep trying, it doesn't have to be perfect. I recall one time when I was in so much pain to the point that I started to cry in my car, I kept repeating to myself "you will never see me suffer, you will never see me suffer..." And to this day I've diligently kept that promise for now 9 months post BU. 1
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Absolutely- that's all we can essentially do keep trying, it doesn't have to be perfect. I recall one time when I was in so much pain to the point that I started to cry in my car, I kept repeating to myself "you will never see me suffer, you will never see me suffer..." And to this day I've diligently kept that promise for now 9 months post BU. That feeling does s**k. How are you holding up now?
JDPT Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 That feeling does s**k. How are you holding up now? Well, I still have my ups and downs every now and then but somehow manage to keep a positive outlook. I'm essentially taking care of ME, the person I utterly neglect during those 4.5 when I had to be my ex's emotional, physical, and financial support. Surprisingly, I appear to be stuck in the anger phase, yes everyone may claim it's the best but not for me. I hate to hang onto this grudge and work on releasing it for good. Taking things a day at a time, no need to rush this process.
Author bubblesbursted Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Well, I still have my ups and downs every now and then but somehow manage to keep a positive outlook. I'm essentially taking care of ME, the person I utterly neglect during those 4.5 when I had to be my ex's emotional, physical, and financial support. Surprisingly, I appear to be stuck in the anger phase, yes everyone may claim it's the best but not for me. I hate to hang onto this grudge and work on releasing it for good. Taking things a day at a time, no need to rush this process. But you are doing great. I hope to be at a place where you are now. 1
JDPT Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 But you are doing great. I hope to be at a place where you are now. They day will come, when we will fully heal, fine inner peace, and will be content making ourselves happy. 1
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