blue963 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I am noticing that women have a much harder time getting over A's than men do. Not trying to stereotype but what do you think?
yellowmaverick Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I don't think that it is a gender thing. I think it depends on several factors, including individual sensitivities, individual emotional investment, expectations, availability of other options, etc.
inappfriendly Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Probably biased here but I would definitely agree that chicks have it harder. I blame it on our bleeding hearts. Well, my own at least. No matter how hideous exMM treated me, both during and post A, there will always be a part if me that longs to fill his void and "save" him. Not to mention, I am the one blubbering all over LS. Not him. I honestly believe there is an inverse relationship between each AP's level of hurt. The less he gives a *****, the more I suffer. Sometimes I feel like if I knew he was feeling just a little more pain, I'd be able to move on easier. Does that make any sense? 4
Berkley Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Not to mention, I am the one blubbering all over LS. Not him. I honestly believe there is an inverse relationship between each AP's level of hurt. The less he gives a *****, the more I suffer. Sometimes I feel like if I knew he was feeling just a little more pain, I'd be able to move on easier. Does that make any sense? Maybe that's why it appears that women suffer more - because we are a lot more prone to reaching out for help and advice. Men tend more to just internalize and 'turn it off'. It may well still be there, but they're better at ignoring it. I can relate totally inapp....the way he treated me this year, the way he ended our friendship - meant starting out NC with not only loss and pain, but confusion, anger, resentment and a huge sense of betrayal. After reassuring me over and over and over how much our friendship meant - that no matter what, we would be friends for a very long time, he wasn't going anywhere...and then, just like that...he cuts off all contact and he's gone. It would make it somewhat easier to know that he's hurting, missing the friendship and thinking about me too. 2
wasntlooking Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Innappfriendly You took the words out of my mouth. I would totally love yo know he is suffering and is miserable lol, it would also make me move on faster. And alsl if he was a freak sbout contact instead of respectng NC i would be over him by now...isnt it crazy? I do wish the best for him,really, but a little of those two things would help me move on lol.
sunburned Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Probably biased here but I would definitely agree that chicks have it harder. I blame it on our bleeding hearts. Well, my own at least. No matter how hideous exMM treated me, both during and post A, there will always be a part if me that longs to fill his void and "save" him. Not to mention, I am the one blubbering all over LS. Not him. I honestly believe there is an inverse relationship between each AP's level of hurt. The less he gives a *****, the more I suffer. Sometimes I feel like if I knew he was feeling just a little more pain, I'd be able to move on easier. Does that make any sense? It does to me! 2
MissTakes Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 There's a great quote from Jane Austen's "Persuasion" where two characters - a man and a woman - are debating which sex is more faithful to love. The man is arguing that men are more true. The woman agrees that men may love more strongly, but replies, "The one claim I shall make for my own sex is that we love longest, when all hope is gone." True words never were spoken.
Scott Thomas Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 , "The one claim I shall make for my own sex is that we love longest, when all hope is gone." True words never were spoken. Ironic if someone's a MW... Miss Austin's outplayed Shakespeare in this one.
Woggle Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Men take a longer time to get over being cheated on but when women are either an OW or they cheat sometimes it takes them years to get over it.
AlwaysGrowing Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I don't think it's based on gender, it is the one least invested, gets over it quicker. 3
Author blue963 Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 I get how you could move on faster if you knew he was hurting too. If he wasn't hurting it would put another level on top of the pain that you were lied to and did not have a special or important relationship.
carhill Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 IME, it's really individual. That said, in general, male motivation for affairs usually revolves around sex and that certainly can be a detached act for men and, hence, allow or promote 'getting over' an affair or alliance easily and more quickly, simply due to lesser or no investment of self. As an anecdote, though many years ago, when I ended my association with a MW, specifically saying goodbye to her in person and telling her exactly why (I was tired of her lying to her husband), I experienced what I know now as depression for nearly two years. I didn't have the energy nor interest to pursue other women for nearly three years, but did finally 'get over it' and had a subsequent couple of LTR's and eventually got married. Typical for a man? I doubt it. YMMV.
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