krewzn Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 (edited) my wife and I were divorced once before, she had an online affair, I broke it up she booted me, a few years later we remarried,(yes I know, stupid on my part) 4 weeks ago whe went to work with the usual, I love you, kiss, cya tonight, she was 4 hours late coming from work that night,saying she was talking to a friend and time slipped away on them, fine ,I didn't like it but said nothing, next night 4 hours late from work, no explaination, al that week she was atleast 4 hours late every night, I had enough, cornered her in the bedroom,she started crying and said, I don't think I want to be married anymore. I flew out of the house in a rage, came back later to talk, I asked first, are you in love with him, she said, yes, 730 Saturday morning she said she was going to weight watchers to weigh in then to the library to study, at 9am I texed her asking if she would be gone for the day, 10 am she answered "YES" then I knew what she was doing, I went to the library, not there, maybe she went for lunch, found her truck in the last space at Mc Donalds parking lot. she wasn't inside as I figured. I waited 4pm, her and her new love showed up in his van, P drove up tight against the back of his van to prevent escape and confronted them, but he will se her no more.he said she told him she was divorced, I noticed she had taken her rings off, I left without killing them, and went home. her text on the way home asked if I was going to beat her if she came home, I said no. we talked, agreed I would stay in the house,she moved into her daughters room, who is at collage, and we've been living here but not together, I cannot afford to start a new life over again, she said she is afraid to live alone, now she is getting lovey again. I love her deeply, but cannot put up with her secretive manner. where to go from here? Edited February 8, 2014 by krewzn
bubbaganoosh Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I cannot afford to start a new life over again, she said she is afraid to live alone, now she is getting lovey again. I love her deeply, but cannot put up with her secretive manner. where to go from here? You cant afford to stay there either. If it comes down to it I would live in my car before I would take her back and as far as she goes, she should have thought about her fear of living alone before she cheated. You didn't learn your lesson the first time around and now your paying for it and now it's time to make changes. 6
Scott Thomas Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 DIVORCE HER ASAP. Or experience this a third time. 1
Running Man Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Stupid is as stupid does. How many times does it take for you to get burned before you learn a lesson? 4
peruano99 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 She cheated on you once, you forgave her. She cheats again, this time let her go because if you don't, she will think it's okay to cheat a third time. 1
BeholdtheMan Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 where to go from here? Grow a pair of balls and end this once and for all. She's a deceptive user. Why would you want to be her doormat? 1
aliveagain Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Friend, just what will it take to get you to believe her? Your best predictor of your future together is to look at your past. I see a lot of pain. Talk to a lawyer, understand your rights, change your banking, only pay for 1/2 of all expenses. Read and memorize the 180 and make it your new mantra. I think you are her meal ticket, living alone has got to be way better than sharing your wife with other men. 3
BHsigh Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 No one can fault you for giving her a second change, particularly since you divorced and waited a couple of years. But to give her a third chance is insane, you know the saying right? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. You're receiving the shame now, the only option here is to leave her for good and move on with your life, you may think that you love her deeply, but what you love is the idea of her, not who she truly is. Love is an action, how can you love someone like her? Is she showing you love? 1
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Divorce her, again. She doesn't want to be married, she's told you that and her actions certainly back that up too! Sorry for your pain, you took another chance with her and it looks like she didn't learn anything from her past cheating ways. She doesn't deserve another chance so please, speak to a lawyer and hand her a divorce. She isn't 'wife' material. 2
Bryanp Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Are you going to wait until she gives you an STD? You don't mind being intimate with her after she has been screwing her new lover? How much humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure? You would have to be a masochist not to divorce her. She clearly has no respect for you what-so-ever. IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL? 1
thummper Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Damn, buddy, what a stinkin' mess! Sounds like the best you can do is just live in the house like roommates since apparently you can't afford to move and start over. What the hell is the matter with her?! Guess she just doesn't know a good man when she sees him. Too bad she couldn't have respected you enough to be a good and faithful wife. Sorry you're going through this! 2
Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 my wife and I were divorced once before, she had an online affair, I broke it up she booted me, She cheated, online only, then booted you? Why? How long since you've been remarried? College-age daughter by another guy, serial cheater, she's a fully-formed adult by now, right? How did the relationship with the daughter's bio father end? Do you think her morals are going to all-of-a-sudden change? Maybe over time, right? But not all of a sudden. What do you think? 4 weeks ago she went to work with the usual, I love you, kiss, cya tonight, she was 4 hours late coming from work that night,saying she was talking to a friend and time slipped away on them, fine ,I didn't like it but said nothing, next night 4 hours late from work, no explanation, all that week she was at least 4 hours late every night, I had enough, cornered her in the bedroom,she started crying and said, I don't think I want to be married anymore. I flew out of the house in a rage, came back later to talk, I asked first, are you in love with him, she said, yes, What was her plan? Divorce you, then continue the relationship with him, never letting on that she wasn't really divorced, until she actually was divorced? Do you really think he believed she was divorced, or do you think that he was afraid of you killing him and just made that up to placate you? 730 Saturday morning she said she was going to weight watchers to weigh in then to the library to study, at 9 am I texted her asking if she would be gone for the day, 10 am she answered "YES" then I knew what she was doing, I went to the library, not there, maybe she went for lunch, found her truck in the last space at McDonald's parking lot. she wasn't inside as I figured. I waited 4 pm, her and her new love showed up in his van, P drove up tight against the back of his van to prevent escape and confronted them, but he will see her no more. He said she told him she was divorced, I noticed she had taken her rings off, I left without killing them, and went home. Good job on not murdering anyone. I don't think either of them are worth going to jail over. I like how you prevented his escape. I guess you were not afraid other man might have a gun or something. Do you think he was afraid of you? It sounds like he pooped his pants. her text on the way home asked if I was going to beat her if she came home, I said no. Why did she ask this? Have you beaten her before? Had you threatened it while you confronted them at McDonald's? Anyway, good job again on not beating her, I don't think she's worth any jail time. she moved into her daughters room, who is at collage, and we've been living here but not together, I cannot afford to start a new life over again, she said she is afraid to live alone, now she is getting lovey again. I love her deeply, but cannot put up with her secretive manner. where to go from here? Sounds like you want to give her another chance. What can it hurt? It's good for you, because you can't afford to start over again, so don't feel guilty about doing what's good for you. She certainly only is doing what's good for her, so you might as well do what's good for you. What's the worst that can happen, she might cheat on you again? You've survived it twice already, and you probably are developing a tolerance for it by now, so next time probably won't feel as bad. And you can always leave her once you've squirreled away enough money to start over without her. Just because you decide to stay now, doesn't mean you have to stay tomorrow if you change your mind. 1
Spark1111 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 do YOU beat her? Have you ever laid hands on her? Why would that be the FIRST question she asked you? 1
Author krewzn Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 I have never touched her in anything except a loving manner, yes I scared the hell out of the boyfriend. he wont be seeing her again. these responses were great ,I must thank all of you.
Author krewzn Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 I have no clue what her plan was, she is very diligent about planning things, but in this case I don't think she had a long range plan, maybe to play at it day by day and let what happens happen. you should know she is very narcissistic. being raised with money has its bad side. the divorce hearing is in June. I could rake her over the coals, but I signed on the dotted line, stating what have I keep. and what she has she can keep. I am trying to arrange things to move what is left of my things out of the house soon. this is very painful for me, she will suffer when I'm gone. she says she don't love me, but I know she does, she'll find my leaving just as hurtful as I do. so be it.
BetrayedH Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I think the business about him thinking she was divorced was baloney. Other than teenagers, who picks up and drops off their girlfriend at McDonald's? I wouldn't care except that it seems to me that you're STILL being lied to. I hate to pile on here, but don't take her back, bro. 3
BetrayedH Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 I have no clue what her plan was, she is very diligent about planning things, but in this case I don't think she had a long range plan, maybe to play at it day by day and let what happens happen. you should know she is very narcissistic. being raised with money has its bad side. the divorce hearing is in June. I could rake her over the coals, but I signed on the dotted line, stating what have I keep. and what she has she can keep. I am trying to arrange things to move what is left of my things out of the house soon. this is very painful for me, she will suffer when I'm gone. she says she don't love me, but I know she does, she'll find my leaving just as hurtful as I do. so be it. Try not to absorb the hurt any more than you must. The fact is that this isn't really about you; it's about her being a broken individual. You gave her a second chance. I think that was admirable and something you can be proud of. She blew it and that's on her. Pick up the pieces and move on. Another woman will find real value in a man like you. 2
Author krewzn Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 her twin daughters ,now 20 years old. were fathered by her first husband who she was married to for 12 years. it was a rocky marriage, he was into dope. she divorced him then we met. Its possible that I am still being lied to, damn cell phones! she keeps that thing locked to her side like her life depends on it. and every time I walk into the room she's texting. but immediately stops until I leave., but yes the rock has been thrown, the papers signed I am out of here asap. thank you all again for the replys.
TheBladeRunner Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Stupid is as stupid does. How many times does it take for you to get burned before you learn a lesson? Seeing as how we're referencing Forest Gump quotes........"Run Forest.....RRRUUUUUUUNNNNNN!" Run, don't walk to your nearest attorney. You gave her a second chance which is more that I EVER would have done with my WXW and she blew it. Starting over sucks, I am there and having a heck of a time financially, but I would rather struggle with that than live with someone who cheats, is selfish, and has no respect for me. JMO. 3
Author krewzn Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Ive stumbled across information that my soon to be X is absorbed by narcissism, Ive researched and found she has all the classic symptoms, How to Make the Narcissist Powerless to Affect Your Life | Narcissism and Relationships Blog by Melanie Tonia Evans maybe this will help someone in the same situation I am in, from what Ive read it seems there many narcissistic types in these threads,
Author krewzn Posted February 17, 2014 Author Posted February 17, 2014 (edited) Ive been accused of standing outside her closed bedroom door to see if she was texting, illusions of grandeur again. it makes no sense, I guess this narcissist thing is in full swing, from what Ive seen and read over the last week there is nothing I can do to help her realize she's frigging nutz. I really hate to leave her as she is so useless, she can't do anything for herself, yet she tells me, Im a big girl and can handle anything that comes my way, another illusion, if she were confronted in a bad situation she would curl up in the fetal position and cry to mama, yesterday her daughter called because she had a flat tire, not knowing what to tell her she gave her phone to me, after calming the daughter down, I told her what to do, when she didn't follow my instructions and got frustrated, called her mother again freaking out, my wife yelled at her dropping F bombs left & right, which Im sure helped the daughter a lot. I know I must make a break from this insanity, but I know she wont let me, I know I will get texts phone calls & emails,and I don't know if Im strong enough to push her aside completely. Edited February 17, 2014 by krewzn
BetrayedH Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 From everything I've read about NPD, there's no cure. You have to run. And your only questions should be how far and how fast.
aliveagain Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Ive been accused of standing outside her closed bedroom door to see if she was texting, illusions of grandeur again. it makes no sense, I guess this narcissist thing is in full swing, from what Ive seen and read over the last week there is nothing I can do to help her realize she's frigging nutz. I really hate to leave her as she is so useless, she can't do anything for herself, yet she tells me, Im a big girl and can handle anything that comes my way, another illusion, if she were confronted in a bad situation she would curl up in the fetal position and cry to mama, yesterday her daughter called because she had a flat tire, not knowing what to tell her she gave her phone to me, after calming the daughter down, I told her what to do, when she didn't follow my instructions and got frustrated, called her mother again freaking out, my wife yelled at her dropping F bombs left & right, which Im sure helped the daughter a lot. I know I must make a break from this insanity, but I know she wont let me, I know I will get texts phone calls & emails,and I don't know if Im strong enough to push her aside completely. Remember who you are with, "the heavy weight of false power" for your own survival you need to walk away from this blood sucking vampire. Time to do things for you only, it's not too late, your the one keeping yourself in this situation. Being alone is a step up from this drama, start it today.
stillafool Posted February 17, 2014 Posted February 17, 2014 Ive been accused of standing outside her closed bedroom door to see if she was texting, illusions of grandeur again. it makes no sense, I guess this narcissist thing is in full swing, from what Ive seen and read over the last week there is nothing I can do to help her realize she's frigging nutz. I really hate to leave her as she is so useless, she can't do anything for herself, yet she tells me, Im a big girl and can handle anything that comes my way, another illusion, if she were confronted in a bad situation she would curl up in the fetal position and cry to mama, yesterday her daughter called because she had a flat tire, not knowing what to tell her she gave her phone to me, after calming the daughter down, I told her what to do, when she didn't follow my instructions and got frustrated, called her mother again freaking out, my wife yelled at her dropping F bombs left & right, which Im sure helped the daughter a lot. I know I must make a break from this insanity, but I know she wont let me, I know I will get texts phone calls & emails,and I don't know if Im strong enough to push her aside completely. First it's not a matter of what "she lets" you do, it's you being a man and deciding what you will do. You should have never taken her back after the first time she cheated and now you are letting her stay in the house. If she comes from a family with money why didn't you send her back to them? Better yet, why didn't you give her over to her lover. What does it matter to you that she doesn't want to be alone? You are using excuses again to stay with her. I don't think you have any intention of breaking up with her or divorcing. You will take her back.
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