Hurt and Disgusted Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 :sick:My boyfriend (now ex)and I worked together, where he was a manager. Well I always saw he was a friendly guy and pretty good at his job, but he was simply not my type. I noticed his interactions with other women at work before we started dating and there was a rumor that he was sleeping with my boss. They would go to lunch, work late together (the job didn't require them to work late, her shift was from 9a-5p) she would be at work until 1-3 am in the morning. They would take vacation times the same days or week (weird) Long story short, after approx. 15 months of working she resigned and now she is pregnant (6 months). He still meets her at restaurants, texts her, gives her flowers and people have seen them holding hands and out together. Here is the kicker, SHE IS MARRIED!!! The story does not end there...He is seeing approx. 3 other workers, that he manages. Having sex in his office and meeting these people after work. Some have admitted, but he denies. I know that he is guilty because we met under the same circumstances, but we were not just sleeping together, but in a relationship. I asked him about his relationship with my supervisor when we began seeing each other. He denied everything and said they were just "good friends". I asked him to stop going to lunches and meet-ups with her, apparently they continued all along and now she is pregnant. They have not disclosed the paternity or even the relationship, but the rumor is that it is his. I believe it. Other workers have even reported the relationship that they were having to corporate. The other females, one to which he admitted to after I had evidence, he said that it had ended, but she just transferred to the other location at which he sometimes works. He has a new worker that he is seeing now... I am hurt, shocked and appalled. He was nice, sweet, attractive, could cook, had great sex, romantic and had a six figure job, ambitious and I thought we were going somewhere... Im so hurt. There is much more to this story...ask for more info.. What is so odd about this whole situation is that he was married and is currently going thru a divorce, which is almost final (that's probably a lie)...You see he lives and works approx. 2 hours from his hometown, so he lives in the city he works and he used to tell me he commutes home on the weekends to see his child. For all I know he could have still been with his wife. He told me that his wife cheated on him, if any of it is true, he is the one that did the cheating I'm sure. (We met while he was getting a "divorce." Its odd because I am a medical professional that deals with people with mental issues and here I am faced with a complete sociopath, who does the same line of work on a daily basis. I can't lie, I am so angry....This whole situation bothers me to my core. Thanks for listening because I never chose to disclose our relationship to ANYONE because I did not want people at work to find out for professional reasons. So its hard to go through alone...Thanks for listening I am so confused about why men cheat, but what I am more confused about is why men cheat with multiple women?? Is it the person?? The sex??? Clearly my ex was getting plenty of sex, but 4 or 5 women, was still not enough?? Is it the thrill? I'd consider myself a good catch, I am in my early thirties, I am educated and in the medical profession, raised to respect and care for others and I am good looking, a good mother and just a good person in general!! I do not understand why this is happening??? Lately, I've been feeling the pressure to be married because generally people in my age group are married with families and my ex and I had start discussing our futures together, not knowingly he was seeing several others. He says that he is going through a "divorce" now, that could very well be a lie as well. What are men looking for??? This is getting old!
GoreSP Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I'm sorry you've been through this. This man is obviously a player (and an a-hole). However, understand that there are nice guys out there, who are looking for a nice girl (or looking for a nice guy) and will not cheat.
GoreSP Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Why is he still your boyfriend? He isn't. She said My boyfriend (now ex)'
veggirl Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 You were dating a married man and are confused about him cheating? 2
Author Hurt and Disgusted Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 As I have stated he told me he was divorced and it was finalized in August. I had no true way of knowing. He works and lives alone 2 hours away from his hometown. How was I to know??? I can just only assume it was a lie based on what I now know about him.
veggirl Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Oh, I thought you said he was "divorcing" not divorced. Well, regardless, another member on here has suggested many times not to date someone until they've been divorced at least 2 years. Love that advice. No one fresh out of a divorce is ready for a new relationship. 1
Radu Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Men are looking for pretty much the same thing as women, just read the Dating section, it's 2 facets of the same coin. This ex of yours OTOH, is something else ... sociopath or not, who cares, he is very very VERY bad news. And that's all you need to know, about him. Some better questions are [for yourself and your future] : - why did you go into a R with him when you heard rumours of him sleeping with his boss - why did you date a guy who wasn't divorced, or did not provide clear proof of the D process going through ? - have you had men problems like this one before ? You generalize in your assesment of men, when it's all about this man right now. - is there a pattern of men behaving this way in your relationships ? - do you suppose that your age and the fact that you have started wanting a family with little time left have contributed to your accepting this situation, with this guy ?
Author Hurt and Disgusted Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 He is the overall coordinator/ administration of the company location. When everyone at the job, including myself suspected him sleeping with MY boss who was also in administration, I asked him about their outings and asked him to stop. He agreed. I quit working their because it was a strain on us. I still had/have a lot of friends that work there who stated that the dates continued. He vehemently denied it, stating "they were just cool." I just wanted to believe him because I did not have any concrete proof and still don't, but I have seen his interaction with her and other women. It's not hard to believe because I met him while working there also. He pulled out all the stops. Cooking me breakfast, lunch and dinner. He reassured I was just being insecure, but that he would prove that I was whom he wanted to be with. I hated that it seemed like I had someone so together, so compatible but it was all a lie. Its so odd that I was content with my life before I met him. I am already a mother and I was content not being married. He convinced me that we had a future and that he wanted another child and to marry and I was sold. I have dated other men in the past, but I have never had feelings or really ever loved them like I did/do this jerk. My emotions are in turmoil
FitChick Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Don't waste any time or energy wondering why men cheat. Having the answer won't change anything. Just learn to recognize the ones who do and avoid them.
regine_phalange Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I'm sorry you re hurt, this is so dissapointing. Don't be hard on your self now, don't question "why", because there is no logical answer. He wasn't who he seemed to be, and that's enough to know. There are decent men out there, it just seems that they are not as many. But all good things don't come in big supply anyways.
2sunny Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 There's not one thing you typed that shows he is a "nice guy" like you stated. A truly nice guy would never be participating the way he's participated. I hope you will open your eyes to reality. Choose better next time. One who is available - single - who doesn't lie and cheat!
Author Hurt and Disgusted Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 Thanks guys, I will just be glad when I am done hurting and can get through a day without crying.
Radu Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Can you provide a timetabe ? How long did you work together before you became a couple, for how long you were a couple, when did you start seeing something off, why did you break up ... etc.
Author Hurt and Disgusted Posted February 9, 2014 Author Posted February 9, 2014 :sick::sick:We worked closely together for approx. 6 months. When I start noticing things, I inquired, but he always said it was work related. My ex (who is in administration) and my former boss (who was in administration) were required to work close together also, as with my other co-workers. My ex was the main guy in charge, so when I would see him with others he attributed to work. He was on call always morning, noon, night and had to report when needed (we work in the medical field), so I understand the frequent phone calls and getting up and leaving in the middle of the night to respond. (He had the perfect alibi). Company dinners, he and her went to lunches, but everyday...she was only supposed to work 8a-5p, but ended up there at 1 and 2 in the morning. I inquired about her and many other, but he always had a somewhat believable excuse. The end result was that she just resigned a few weeks ago because now she is pregnant and people have since seen the two together with him rubbing her stomach.., in case you forgot, she is married!!! I should have listened to my intuition because I never had peace about the whole situation. We working in a taxing field and spend a lot of hours together, so he has many people at his discretion and I feel so used that I was one of them. It was odd because we discussed a future, children, life together. Our children were going to meet in the near future (per him). We were supposedly going on vacation together. (Another odd thing, My ex and my former boss, always seemingly took vacation at the same time- Coincidence??!!) He cooked for me breakfast, lunch, dinner, we went out often, he brought me flowers
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