johndoe13 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Hi, I need your helpd because I<m losing my mind. I<m starting to dring a lot and questioning my sanity! And gaining weight! I<m near 40! I had been married over 10+ years (to someone that used me for getting into a country) and she left me suddently because she was not happy with me I stayed single for 5 years almost no intercourse and decided I wanted a relationship because I felt something was missing. - I am handsome and have a good carreer but I am insecure at the base. I am what the call a nice guy...that wants to please. Meet girlfriend 1.5 years ago on dating site (she is 30+) Met up for coffee and had a date the following week where we made out and she invited me to her place; we went to third base (no intercourse) which was a first for me! At the coffee date I found she was very non-chalant; like if she had done it a million times! She told me she was a rational person! Whatever that means! At our diner (second date) my hunch was that she was egoistic (she did not share the wine list....she chose without consulting me) She was quite infactuated for a week then it crashed down; yet she said that she did not want to push me away! But I was anxious the whole time! The sex with her was really good! She did things that my ex never did! Anyways I learned the following in order from her as time went on and it just kept piling p in my mind: - She had enough fun on vacation and would always have <stories> she also knew how to get the service she wanted - On my birthday (1 month into exclusive dating) she asked me if it was ok for her to dine with an old male friend. I asked her who it was and she said it was some guy she met at an activity not a boyfriend and not to worry about...she cancelled since I was anxious and said that she would plan differently next time. It turned out if was an old **** friend and she wanted to validate how she felt about me! I found this out a year later. - Her friend asked her in front of me if I was another guy of the gym!!! - She dated/saw 4+ guys at her gym. She was seeing (**** friends) 2 guys at once at the gym. - When she lived out of the country she saw 2 guys rotating them weekly - I noticed that she used to oogle men in front of me and I called her up on it on at least 4 times (and sometimes I kept my mouth shut); I almost broke up with her twice because of it - The first time we almost broke up up was because I had a party and I felt she was flirting (only saw body language) with a acquaintance of mine; instad of sticking besides me. She talked to him for at least 20 minutes while simply ignoring me! - She carried boxes of condoms in her drawers, a dildo, lots of sexy lingerie, oils and lubricants. - I snooped and saw pictures of her drunk kissing random dudes (she was not 19 at the time more like 26/28. - Her family history is a ****ed up; incest, she does not speak to father -She told me on our first sex talk she had slept between 10-15 guys in our second conversation she ended up saying she slept with more. With all the info i've gathered and our last disucssion 25 weeks ago it is for sure more than 25+ sexual relations with me. She also had sex with 2 different men in 7 days while on vacation; they both worked for the resort!!! This literally destroyed me inside! These guys had her without commitment and drunk and she obviously made the moves to get ****ed. This was just 2.5 years ago. - Most of her friends have cheated on their boyfriends... - She talked about buying a house with me 3 months into our relation; yet she had a hard time holding my hand at the time. - She rarely asks questions of my past life (family) or shares deep feeling she has for me without me pushing the discussion - She has compared me to her father on several occasions; she always wanted her to talk! - The biggest complaints I have are the following: - 1 sometimes I feel like she does not connect emotionally or verbalize what she is FEELING - I do not make her Laugh! We are constatnly silent or complaining or talking about chores! - Since she has been with me she says her libido has decreased because she is satisfied all around; therefore she is less sexual; I see it as an insult since I do love sex. - I feel that she can easily be seduced if you give her the right attention! -wE ARE SIGNING a mortage in a week or so and I am freaking out. Honestly I am drinking and feel like I don<t know if to just say forget it. If you need more info let me know. I just need to hear if anybody is living or has lived this experience...and what the solutions were or could have been!
TaraMaiden Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 One: Do not sign the mortgage agreement. Two: Huge incompatibility. Just really, why even ask? I think you already know what you should do.
joystickd Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Just end it. The info about her strikes up too much fear in you that is based in reality.
soccerrprp Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Let me be blunt....if this story is true, then you would be a FOOL to continue with this woman. You already know that she's bad news....a black hole of despair and unhappiness. Why in the world do you need the advice, words of complete strangers on a forum to help you see this???!!!!!!!!!!!
ja123 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 One: Do not sign the mortgage agreement. Two: Huge incompatibility. Just really, why even ask? I think you already know what you should do. This ^^ Please break up with her and go no contact. You need to get yourself to counselling and work on your self-esteem and co-dependency issues. It's better to be alone than in poor company. Ask yourself what fear of your own void do you have that compels you to mask it by inviting such drama into your life?
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