illuminated Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 My ex broke up with me a couple of months ago, we've dated throughout most of uni. Since last summer or maybe a bit earlier, she was having a personality crisis. I think there are many issues that led to this - she still lives with her parents, her mum is incredibly overbearing and respects no personal boundaries, and she's unhappy with the course of her career because she believes she chose the wrong career. She still hasn't submitted her dissertation although it's been sitting finished for a while now, and her friends tell me she's acting stranger than ever and is very rude and irritable. I see her frequently and she snaps at me easily as well, or just checks out of a conversation. Again, she's not doing this just with me. I am under the impression that something's really wrong with her, mental-wise. I'm not a psychologist, but I'm just shocked by how much she has changed, to the point beyond recognition. I don't know why I'm writing all this, but I'm trying to decide if I should try to get her back. I still care for her and I thought we could stick it out together, but I can't do anything if she's not willing to take action. Has anyone been in a situation that rings familiar? What is the right course of action here?
intothemystic Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I am in a similar situation. My ex 'suddenly' broke up with me after a year or so of increasingly severe depression. I was the last person he was talking to before the break up (he had isolated himself from his and our friends, and from his own family; his parents, who I had not met by that time, would email me to find out how he was doing). We went out for three years. There were problems, especially he had a lot of difficulties with work and some broken career dreams and failures. But I loved him dearly, and thought he loved me too. I don't know what the right course of action is. All I can tell you is what I have done, which my friends and family berate me for, but it has helped me to cope. My ex stopped talking to me, and wouldn't respond to anything. Of course at first I was devastated; when the shock finally left (after a few months), I had no answers and no idea what I should do. On the one hand, I felt that since he didn't want to talk to me I should go no contact. But I didn't want to do that for two reasons: 1) I was in love with him, and probably in denial (all that hope etc) and 2) (this is the one that is pertinent to your situation) I was so worried about him. I thought that he was on his way to committing suicide. Before he broke up with me he had told me he had been having days when he couldn't get out of bed. He had all those 'classic' signs: bad sleeping patterns, giving away his things, isolating from everyone, not talking about anything in his (or our) future etc. I made a conscious decision - since he never told me not to contact him, plus the fact that I still wanted to contact him, PLUS the fact that if I shut the door and then that guy went off and killed himself I would never be able to live with it - I would keep a line of communication open, and wean myself off. So that is what I have done. I have also worked really hard on taking care of myself, trying to address issues I brought into the relationship so I can cope better with my next relationship, trying to get myself over him. I figured if my emails every few weeks bothered him, he could send me a message saying 'please don't contact me anymore'. He never has. He actually answered a text a couple of weeks ago, in a positive although non-committal manner. I feel that whatever happens in the end, I was kind to him, and did all I could to give him a chance. I think that was the best thing. Listen to your heart, do what you need to do to get over her - but be sure to walk the fine line between keeping the door open and harassment - if she says 'stop talking to me' then you have to do that. I'm glad my ex let me do this my way. But my friends think I'm nuts. Good luck! It does get better (10 months on)
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