MapleWish Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Long but please read. i'm 21, in college and i'm constantly torn between cutting loose, being free not being tied down and just having fun, vs the opposite and not "giving it up" so easily. there's a guy in my class named adam that i have a crush on. last night me and his roommate and a bunch of others went out for drinks, i got drunk and wanted to flirt and drop subtle hints i liked him but didnt. instead after adam and his roommate left i got the roomie's number and texted him what i think of adam. i said he was hot, cute, etc and his roommate then asked me what i was looking for from him. i said nothing right now, we just met in class but i think he's attractuve and his rooomate basically said adam is only into one night stands and now i'm considering it. i've only had one one-night-stand in my life, it was with a coworker and after that he didnt talk me, i told the roomie i didnt want that to happen between me and adam but he said adam isnt like that, he said adam would still talk to me BUT we wouldnt go any further than being a one night stand, the roomie made it very clear that's all adam does, nothing more. like i said i considered it, i'm in college i'm an adult and when two people are attracted to each other but are only on a first name basis, that's usally what leads to one night stands. but then i psyched myself out by reading all these articles with women saying it made them feel cheap and used and degraded. i guess i really do like this kid so far and i WOULD wanna date him but if i cant have him in a dating manner, i'm considering having him some other way, i've never been a hit and quit it type, the two guys i've dated i've slept with, no one else, but at the same time is it wrong to just have some fun while in college? i think of adam as a whole cake and having a one night stand would be like only getting a slice, not the whole cake.
Tayken Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Should you have a one night stand? It has to be a mutual thing otherwise it's unwanted sexual advance But I can tell you this........You can do what you want.....
HappyLove Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 "i'm constantly torn between cutting loose, being free not being tied down and just having fun, vs the opposite and not "giving it up" so easily." Are you also torn between getting HIV, herpes, countless STI's because you want to have one night stands with people you don't know and aren't even dating. How about a broken condom and baby to REALLY derail your plans. I think it's sad how loose people have gotten especially when you say things like this, "i WOULD wanna date him but if i cant have him in a dating manner, i'm considering having him some other way" That's sad. You are worth more and should behave accordingly. You've done it once and the guy ignored you. Lesson NOT learned I see. I know people talk about one night stands and as long as you use protection it's not a big deal but that's a big fat lie. I work in healthcare and it's sad all the people you see with these diseases. There's a lot more to worry about than will he ignore me like the last guy. Don't use yourself like a tissue you can just throw away. You're worth more than that. You have to respect yourself first before you can expect someone else to. 1
veggirl Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 No you're settling for a ONS when you actually want to date him. You are already emotionally attached, sex will make it worse. Save yourself the heartache. 1
Author MapleWish Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 I know the part where I said I would have him in some other way sounds bad but I mean it like this, I'm terrible at letting things or people go. And I really like this kid and if I say no to just a bit of fun with him, I'll be obsessing about it thinking to myself "oh maybe I should've", I'm bad at that. If someone doesn't give me fully what I want I take what I can get, metaphorically
veggirl Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I know the part where I said I would have him in some other way sounds bad but I mean it like this, I'm terrible at letting things or people go. And I really like this kid and if I say no to just a bit of fun with him, I'll be obsessing about it thinking to myself "oh maybe I should've", I'm bad at that. If someone doesn't give me fully what I want I take what I can get, metaphorically No, we get it. You will be obsessing WAY MORE if you sleep with him. Seriously how will you feel if you sleep with him and then he dodges your call/texts? How will you feel if you sleep with him and then next weekend see him making out with and taking another girl home? How will you feel if you sleep with him and next month he has an actual girlfriend?
Grumpybutfun Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 If you can't speak to him over the phone, and only use his friend as a mediator, sex is going to be awkward. You already have too much emotionally invested if you can't even speak to the kid because you are crushing so hard. You won't come out of this emotionally unscathed. IMHO, G 2
HappyLove Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I know the part where I said I would have him in some other way sounds bad but I mean it like this, I'm terrible at letting things or people go. And I really like this kid and if I say no to just a bit of fun with him, I'll be obsessing about it thinking to myself "oh maybe I should've", I'm bad at that. If someone doesn't give me fully what I want I take what I can get, metaphorically Well how has that worked out for ya? Sounds like a destructive path. "I'm terrible at letting things or people go." You are not built for a one night stand honey. If he can't take you on proper dates and get to know you then that's someone who's not worth your time. You need to think more of yourself. Why does it have to be a one night stand? You wouldn't rather meet a great guy and have a relationship?
Tayken Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 If you can't speak to him over the phone, and only use his friend as a mediator, sex is going to be awkward. You already have too much emotionally invested if you can't even speak to the kid because you are crushing so hard. You won't come out of this emotionally unscathed. IMHO, G Not if the agenda is a 3-way i.e. a menage' a trois
HappyLove Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Not if the agenda is a 3-way i.e. a menage' a trois You are headed for a world of hurt.
CaliGypsy Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 It doesn't really sound like you want a ONS. I really don't think you'll end up regretting you didn't have sex with him.. But chances are very good you'll regret you did. 2
soccerrprp Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Long but please read. i'm 21, in college and i'm constantly torn between cutting loose, being free not being tied down and just having fun, vs the opposite and not "giving it up" so easily. there's a guy in my class named adam that i have a crush on. last night me and his roommate and a bunch of others went out for drinks, i got drunk and wanted to flirt and drop subtle hints i liked him but didnt. instead after adam and his roommate left i got the roomie's number and texted him what i think of adam. i said he was hot, cute, etc and his roommate then asked me what i was looking for from him. i said nothing right now, we just met in class but i think he's attractuve and his rooomate basically said adam is only into one night stands and now i'm considering it. i've only had one one-night-stand in my life, it was with a coworker and after that he didnt talk me, i told the roomie i didnt want that to happen between me and adam but he said adam isnt like that, he said adam would still talk to me BUT we wouldnt go any further than being a one night stand, the roomie made it very clear that's all adam does, nothing more. like i said i considered it, i'm in college i'm an adult and when two people are attracted to each other but are only on a first name basis, that's usally what leads to one night stands. but then i psyched myself out by reading all these articles with women saying it made them feel cheap and used and degraded. i guess i really do like this kid so far and i WOULD wanna date him but if i cant have him in a dating manner, i'm considering having him some other way, i've never been a hit and quit it type, the two guys i've dated i've slept with, no one else, but at the same time is it wrong to just have some fun while in college? i think of adam as a whole cake and having a one night stand would be like only getting a slice, not the whole cake. It seems clear to me that you want more than a one night stand. It also seems clear that you will have a long and difficult dating life. You resorted to an online forum, to strangers, to ask if it's okay to have a one night stand. Already, there are signs that you will have a precarious future in the dating world. If you want someone to treat you like a piece of meat. That's on you.
amaysngrace Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 If I were you I'd get with him, tell him how much you love oral and then get dressed and leave immediately after he services you. He will probably fall in love with you....
CrystalCastles Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 If someone doesn't give me fully what I want I take what I can get That's so sad! Don't you think that you deserve more than breadcrumbs?
Neith Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 If you want someone to treat you like a piece of meat. That's on you. Wait, are you talking about one night stands in general or just this guy in particular? Normally I'm not the biggest fan of one night stands either, but I think as long as both parties understand & want the same thing from eachother (just sex and nothing else), then it's fine... but in the OP's case and to answer her question in the thread title: No, you shouldn't sleep with this guy. I'd also take what his friend says about him with a pinch of salt. Just because he says Adam "isnt like that" doesn't mean it's true. He could just be trying to get his friend laid. I have a feeling you're only reading & listening to the advice you want to hear though and will likely do it anyway. Good luck
SmartDude Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 One night stand? no way! At least go see him a couple times for lovemaking... So you two have some time for the sex to get better. Learning to be intimate with someone without getting attached might be the lesson in life you need to learn right now. Don't listen to all the old hens who tell you to respect yourself bla bla bla...They are just in a different stage of life and have forgotten what being young entails. However, take my advice with caution;)
soccerrprp Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Wait, are you talking about one night stands in general or just this guy in particular? Normally I'm not the biggest fan of one night stands either, but I think as long as both parties understand & want the same thing from eachother (just sex and nothing else), then it's fine... but in the OP's case and to answer her question in the thread title: No, you shouldn't sleep with this guy. I'd also take what his friend says about him with a pinch of salt. Just because he says Adam "isnt like that" doesn't mean it's true. He could just be trying to get his friend laid. I have a feeling you're only reading & listening to the advice you want to hear though and will likely do it anyway. Good luck I'm responding to the OP's post. And, especially for women, even if consensual, she's being used as a piece of a$$ to be used for nothing more than sex...to be discarded. Under and un-appreciated for nothing more than a sexual object. ONS are not things to aspire to in any way.
Author MapleWish Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Nope, decided now NOT worth it. I'm a challenge anyway honestly, like I have found over the years a lot of guys have wanted to do me just cause I'm easy. If I give in like I did with my coworker, then it's not a challenge and they're no longer interested. I'm not gonna degrade myself for a one night stand. MAYBE someday I will sleep with him but it'll be after I've gotten to know him but for now, just gonna play it safe and say no 1
HappyLove Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 nope, decided now not worth it. I'm a challenge anyway honestly, like i have found over the years a lot of guys have wanted to do me just cause i'm easy. If i give in like i did with my coworker, then it's not a challenge and they're no longer interested. I'm not gonna degrade myself for a one night stand. Maybe someday i will sleep with him but it'll be after i've gotten to know him but for now, just gonna play it safe and say no bravo!!!!!!! 1
Iguanna Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 adam is only into one night stands For me personally, the story ends just there. 1
Author MapleWish Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Oh whoops I just read my last response, I meant to say over the years guys have wanted to do me cause I'm NOT easy. I'm not. I wore a purity ring in high school and so many guys were like "I'm gonna be the one to take that off" 1
Noproblem Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 One night stand should only be with strangers that you won't meat again But Adam is cute and lovely and you have a crush on him One night stand would only make you love him and end up with a broken heart. Your choice, not mine. 1
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