hilikus Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 hey, i really need help dealing with this girl that i like. before i get to the problem at hand, i think i need to explain the background of our relationship so far. i met this girl, christine, on the first day of school this year. we hung out a whole lot for a couple of months, just watching movies and talking. i finally found the courage to ask her out a couple of months ago, and she said yes(that made me more happy than i had been for a long time). while we were going out, things were amazing. i completely fell for her head over heels, and it was the happiest month of my life. then, right before we left for winter break, she broke up with me. she said that she still really cared for me, but that i wasn't giving her what she wanted out of a relationship. i was completely heartbroken. all that i thought about over break was how i could be better for her and what i was going to do to make it right when we got back. when we got back from break, i found out that she had a girlfriend back home(she's bisexual). once again, i was thrown into a deep depression. all i could think about was how i had completely screwed up the best thing that had ever happened to me, and all i wanted was to have her back. so i wrote her a letter telling her exactly how i feel about her. she read it, and then we had a long talk about what i said and what she feels about it. she said she still really cares about me, but couldn't go back into a relationship with somebody who hurt her like i did. she didn't want a real relationship, but she wanted to be 'friends with benefits.' i'm still completely infatuated with her, and i figured if thats all i can get right now, then i'll take it. that was a week ago, and now things have changed completely. she recently went to dayton to visit her girlfriend, and they decided to break up because of the long distance between them. she called me and told me this, and we talked again about our relationship and she said that we would see what developed when she got back. well, today was the day that she got back, and i was so excited to be with her and show her exactlyl how i feel again so that maybe she will be mine again. we hung out tonight and watched a movie, which was awesome, but during the movie i leaned over to kiss her and she turned away, saying "i'm sorry, i can't do this right now." the happiness that i had felt all weekend after learning that she broke up with jessy is gone. all that is left is my regret and sorrow for what i did to her and how i still feel about her. i am completely infatuated with this girl, no matter how hard i try i can't stop thinking about her. i thought that i was over her about a week ago, but tonight it all came rushing back into my mind. i haven't hurt as bad as i hurt now ever before in my life. it feels like there is a hole in my stomach, and the only thing that i've found that can fill it is christine. if she won't take me back, i don't know what i'll do. i do know that i can't keep on thinking about her like this, its ripping me apart. i just want some advice, any advice on what i should do. everything is numb for me right now, and i don't feel any emotion but sadness. please help me
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 It sounds like you made the terrible mistake of heaping all your hopes and all the responsibility for your happiness square on her shoulders. I expect it was just too much for her and she backed out. Do you have a counselor there at your school that you can talk to? You are definitely going to want to talk this out with someone professionally.
Huntr777 Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 <It sounds like you made the terrible mistake of heaping all your hopes and all the responsibility for your happiness square on her shoulders. I expect it was just too much for her and she backed out. > I totally agree L, but here's a few more things I'd like to bring up. You are emotionally going up and down like a yo-yo, and it's all on her whims (which she never asked for anyway...). You are going to be at your wits end and she's not going to understand why. I know the feeling that you have in the pit of your stomach because I had the same thing happen to me a few months ago...met the girl of my life, with her, then without her blah blah blah. The worst thing you can do is what you're doing now. You're stewing in your own juices, and wondering over and over what you did wrong. You need to slow down and see if anything will develop. If this girl isn't ready for what you want to give, then you have to back off. Forcing the situation will only make it worse. I say, step away from the situation. I'm not saying totally freeze the girl out, just a few steps away physically and emotionally. Let her see that you're not always going to be her little puppy dog who runs to her whenever she calls. Not only will it give her some space (which she might start thinking that she misses you...) but it will also give you some perspective on the situation. At the very least you won't be on this emotional roller coaster you've been putting yourself on. Plus who knows, you just might meet up with somebody else who is ready for something, and is worth you putting your emotions on the line for. Look you're relatively young (I believe you mentioned you met this girl on the first day of school), go out there and meet other people. Have a good time, and just know that you'll meet some girl who's worthy of your attention. Until you find her though, don't keep trying to be with somebody who's not ready or willing to give it back, because that will only make you and her feel worse. Good luck to you. Hunter
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