CrystalCastles Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 At the beginning of the semester I started liking a guy in my math class. I know he feels the same way about me. He asks my friend about me, he sits with me, talks to me all the time, doesn't stop looking at me. His hands are always shaking like mad whenever he's with me. Apparently this behaviour is out of character for him- my friend is friends with him and he's normally very bold, confident and cool. She's watched how he's like around me, and she says it's like he forgets the rest of the world exists. He doesn't seem to notice when other people are talking to him, his full attention is always on me. I agree with her. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to be doing things like getting my number and asking me on dates. It's only been a week so far since I noticed him acting like this, so I think it's a pretty recent thing for him. I added him on FB and I want to send him a message. I get the feeling he hasn't been around girls much. He's one of those ridiculously smart math geniuses, and the math department is severely lacking in girls at my uni so maybe the prospect of asking me out is daunting. Will it be emasculating if I send him a message on FB? Or should I wait until he makes moves? I'm pretty relaxed about this, and I'm not afraid of going to lengths to make him feel comfortable, but I'd rather he ask me out.
TXGuy Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Of course it is not emasculating for a guy to receive a facebook message from a girl.
Author CrystalCastles Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Of course it is not emasculating for a guy to receive a facebook message from a girl. I thought guys like to be the ones to make moves first? If a girl makes moves, apparently its a "turn-off". My best friend said that. Maybe he's wrong and I shouldn't be listening to him lol.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 It's not emasculating but you still have to be prepared for a chance to be rejected. Mathy guys tend to be highly socially anxious around pretty much any girls, even those they are not attracted to.
Keenly Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I would think its pretty awesome. Your chances of failure are really low if he already did / was going to like you.
ChessPieceFace Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Ridiculously smart math genius who is normally "bold, confident and cool"? Not buying it. 1
Author CrystalCastles Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Ridiculously smart math genius who is normally "bold, confident and cool"? Not buying it. Err, no one said you had to. I'm not here to convince people of anything. I have better things to do with my time than sit on Loveshack and make up stories about people who don't exist. He's got an A average. His friends call him "the smart (his name)". He's always the one answering or asking questions in lectures. Believe it or not, not every math guy is your stereotypical chess/video-game playing antisocial mole. I've made a bunch of friends in math. Guy friends. All of them approached me first. They invite me to "math parties" and such. We all sit in the math common room and work on homework and tell jokes and make each other laugh. So yeah, math guys aren't freaks of nature, they're normal human beings and they can be bold, confident and cool too. Thanks guys for all the responses! At this point I just want to chat him up and give him all the opportunities I can to make conversation so that he can feel more comfortable about making moves. I really have no problem asking guys out- I've done that before. I just want to give this guy the opportunity to make some moves. I know guys sometimes need a bit of encouragement, hence I felt a FB message would be a start. 1
Barbarossa Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 A woman in my class added me then sent me a FB message a couple weeks ago and it didn't emasculate me at all. I just asked her out so it's not a bad idea if you have the nerve
Poppygoodwill Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 If a guy feels emasculated or somehow diminished by you taking initiative to show him that you think he's cute and interesting and want to get to know him better, then you don't want to be with a guy like that to start with. Send him a message, but as the other poster said, be prepared in case he deflects your advance. Girls who rely on guys to make the first move have the luxury of always being the one to do the rejecting. Poor guys. Is it any wonder they love it when girl makes the first move?
gaius Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 If you just send him something that says hi or cute pic that's not emasculating. Asking him out directly is a different story. I had a girl like that in high school that made me uncomfortable and I just ignored her when she tried to add a sexual dynamic to it. To this day I hear through back channels she's still annoyed and confused about it. But, in general, if a guy isn't asking you out even when he seems way into you there's a good reason for it.
MrMeh Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Seems like many people here are showing their intellectual insecurity as soon as you said he was intelligent. I believe that factor is irrelevant, despite the validity of the statement, and would recommend you trying to sit next to him or talk to him. I know it's quite difficult in a class environment, but if you are confident that he is staring at you,, the method in which you approach him is negligible. Little tip, ask for help! 2
Mrlonelyone Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Ridiculously smart math genius who is normally "bold, confident and cool"? Not buying it. Never seen this movie then huh? (Based on a true story).
d0nnivain Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I suppose it would depend on the message. I'm sending you this because you're not man enough to call me first, is emasculating. Hi! Wanna hang out or study for our upcoming midterm? is more like giving him a friendly nudge & indicating to him that he has a green light so it's safe for him to ask you out. 1
soccerrprp Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Will it be emasculating if I send him a message on FB? Or should I wait until he makes moves? I'm pretty relaxed about this, and I'm not afraid of going to lengths to make him feel comfortable, but I'd rather he ask me out. Man, I hope it's not emasculating. Frankly, if a guy feels threatened by that, he's got issues.
Author CrystalCastles Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 If you just send him something that says hi or cute pic that's not emasculating. Asking him out directly is a different story. I had a girl like that in high school that made me uncomfortable and I just ignored her when she tried to add a sexual dynamic to it. To this day I hear through back channels she's still annoyed and confused about it. But, in general, if a guy isn't asking you out even when he seems way into you there's a good reason for it. Nah, I was only hoping to chat him up and make him feel a bit more at ease. I really would like it if he asks me out though. But I can see he's very nervous around me so I wanted to take some measures to make him feel a bit more sure about making moves, since I understand how nerve-racking it must be to approach a girl and risk rejection. He also went from merely smiling at me across the room to talking to me every time we run into each other. His hands always hake badly, and my friend who has known him from before says that his behaviour is way out of character. He's only been actually talking to me for a week. He's way more obvious about his feelings than guys I've had who have asked me out. He might not be asking me out because I haven't been obvious at all about my feelings for him (I admit I'm a pretty slow person to figure these things out and put two and two together, and I only recently figured this out after I found out he's been asking my friend about me).
Author CrystalCastles Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Seems like many people here are showing their intellectual insecurity as soon as you said he was intelligent. I believe that factor is irrelevant, despite the validity of the statement, and would recommend you trying to sit next to him or talk to him. I know it's quite difficult in a class environment, but if you are confident that he is staring at you,, the method in which you approach him is negligible. Little tip, ask for help! Thank you! It seems some people have some kind of stereotype built up in their heads about mathematicians. Math guys can SO be confident and cool. My prof is like that, and he finished his phd at Cal Tech and taught at Stanford before coming to my uni (one of the major unis in Canada). Some posters are acting like math guys are a whole 'nother species. Math guy in my OP really is brilliant. An A average is unheard of in math (and we happen to have some of the most intelligent people teaching in the math department that I could possibly meet, so it's not the quality of teaching). He never takes notes in class, and the ease at which he understands the material is impressive. Many of his peers say that he's way ahead of his classmates intellectually. I do sit next to him, and he talks to me whenever he can. He gets visibly nervous though, so I can tell how scary it must be for him. I try to initiate some conversations as well. I've had engineers and chemists ask me out before, and it took them a few weeks to months before they made any moves (while acting visibly nervous around me the whole time leading up to the asking out).
Author CrystalCastles Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Hi! Wanna hang out or study for our upcoming midterm? is more like giving him a friendly nudge & indicating to him that he has a green light so it's safe for him to ask you out. Thanks everyone for the responses! Yup, definitely along those lines. I was thinking of starting a conversation by asking how his weekend is going, and if he's started studying for the midterm yet. I have a feeling this is going to go well, since any time I ask him anything it always leads to a conversation since he then asks me questions too, or asks my opinion on things, which keeps our talking going.
Author CrystalCastles Posted February 12, 2014 Author Posted February 12, 2014 Update! I ended up sending him a message on facebook two nights ago. Since then we've been talking over facebook 2 hours every night. He's super quick at replying, too. Asks me questions, flatters me. I have no doubts that he's interested. I'll continue chatting him up and hopefully he asks me out on his own accord. From what he's told me about himself, he's definitely the guy I've been looking for. 1
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