Sara77 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Some background info: We met online and he pursued me in the beginning by texting daily, we met up twice over a period of 1-2 months and had been in touch everyday (via text) as there seemed to be good chemistry. He asked to meet for a third date to go hiking. Since he doesn't have a car, he wanted me to pick him up on the way to where we were meant to go. He does have a motor bike so I suggested maybe we could meet straight at the destination instead to save time as we wanted to get there quite early. He didn't like the suggestion so he completely cut off the conversation - I left it alone and we didn't meet up that weekend. Since I somehow felt responsible for causing the rift - I asked him out to coffee the following week. He was keen to meet but we couldn't coordinate a suitable time and he mentioned meeting in a few weeks after the holidays. He continued texting everyday again until we were both away on holidays for a couple of weeks. Since we have returned, he doesn't seem all that interested in initiating contact or continuing conversations much when I initiate them. He has also not mentioned rescheduling our date and since he hasn't been very communicative, I haven't mentioned anything about meeting either. Is the ball in my court now? should I wait and see or should I just let this one go? as there seems to be too much drama and uncertainty so early on...I am just a little disappointed as there seemed to be so much potential but things seem to have fizzled out.
TheyCallMeOx Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I don't think you should wait, but I don't think you should let it go, either. I think what you should do is you need to be upfront with him. I think you and him need to have a conversation about what happened since that time he wanted you to pick him up and you recommended he ride his motor bike. You should express that you're interested in getting to know more about him and would like to "clear the air," so to speak, so that you and him could get back on track. It seems like something happened; perhaps you offended him, maybe he thought that it was an indication that you aren't willing to make sacrifices, maybe it triggered some kind of emotion that he's having trouble dealing with, etc. You never know until you ask him. If he's not willing to have a real conversation about things, then at THAT point, I would suggest you move on.
MissBee Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 (edited) Some background info: We met online and he pursued me in the beginning by texting daily, we met up twice over a period of 1-2 months and had been in touch everyday (via text) as there seemed to be good chemistry. He asked to meet for a third date to go hiking. Since he doesn't have a car, he wanted me to pick him up on the way to where we were meant to go. He does have a motor bike so I suggested maybe we could meet straight at the destination instead to save time as we wanted to get there quite early. He didn't like the suggestion so he completely cut off the conversation - I left it alone and we didn't meet up that weekend. Since I somehow felt responsible for causing the rift - I asked him out to coffee the following week. He was keen to meet but we couldn't coordinate a suitable time and he mentioned meeting in a few weeks after the holidays. He continued texting everyday again until we were both away on holidays for a couple of weeks. Since we have returned, he doesn't seem all that interested in initiating contact or continuing conversations much when I initiate them. He has also not mentioned rescheduling our date and since he hasn't been very communicative, I haven't mentioned anything about meeting either. Is the ball in my court now? should I wait and see or should I just let this one go? as there seems to be too much drama and uncertainty so early on...I am just a little disappointed as there seemed to be so much potential but things seem to have fizzled out. Walk away. Only met twice in two months and you're not living in different states or that far apart? Cuts off the conversation because he didn't like your suggestion about meeting at a place? Doesn't initiate? Doesn't sustain conversations when you initiate? Hon, what magic answer are you looking for here? We have to learn to not hold on to "potential", sometimes it seems promising and in the end it's not that way and it's okay to accept that and move on. Nothing here, absolutely NOTHING is promising. He is rude and he isn't at all that interested, so I'd leave it alone. I understand disappointment, but you didn't invest that much. There is no misunderstanding here. He is rude! He is also disinterested. If you're doing all this now what about later??? You'll bounce back the quicker you let it die than continuously dragging things out and trying to coax an unwilling man and waste more of your time. Edited February 8, 2014 by MissBee 7
LovelyDay Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 If he was really interested he would be making an effort. Sorry...
Poppygoodwill Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I think you can bet your money on the principle that people will do what they want to do. So: if he wanted to spend time with you, he would find the time, or make the time, regardless of who had to drive to the meeting place in which vehicle. You both seem to have been a bit lukewarm on things as you've met so infrequently and texting is not talking or getting to one another. I think you are something of a distraction to him....from another relationship, or a busy job or his kids or whatever. IT doesn't matter what. If I were you, I'd assume that whatever initial potential was there has been met and that the thing is naturally fizzling out.I wouldn't confront him, I wouldn't bother. I would just let it die a natural death by trailing off my responses to his texts - taking longer and longer to respond - and eventually you'll see sooner rather than later, he'll disappear altogether.
Author Sara77 Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Thank you for all your responses as it has been very helpful. Despite him showing a lot of interest and initiating all the communication and dates for two months, if he was able to completely switch off without any discussions because of a disagreement about transport, then I guess he couldn't have been all that interested after all! I could reach out and clear the air about the whole incident if it would help us get back on track but his behaviour (which was rude and cold) in this situation just feels like a big red flag to me and I think I might be better off cutting ties ... 2
RachR Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Thank you for all your responses as it has been very helpful. Despite him showing a lot of interest and initiating all the communication and dates for two months, if he was able to completely switch off without any discussions because of a disagreement about transport, then I guess he couldn't have been all that interested after all! I could reach out and clear the air about the whole incident if it would help us get back on track but his behaviour (which was rude and cold) in this situation just feels like a big red flag to me and I think I might be better off cutting ties ... What is there to clear the air about, you didn't do anything wrong and he overreacted. 1
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