Author abby_tx Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 Well, him canceling three times I debatable. We never had "official" plans last Friday and Satirday. But our Thuraday date WAs official. He'd text me saying what my plans were. I'd say "eating with a friend. We should hang out later" and we end up not hanging out. Then Saturday I was bowling with a friend and told him we could hang after, but he was drunk and I didn't think it was appropriate. I'm not defending him just explaining the situation. We texted numerous times daily. Up until Friday (the day after our canceled date). The decreased texting is really what worries/bothers me. I'm purposely not texting him again.
HappyLove Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Well, him canceling three times I debatable. We never had "official" plans last Friday and Satirday. But our Thuraday date WAs official. He'd text me saying what my plans were. I'd say "eating with a friend. We should hang out later" and we end up not hanging out. Then Saturday I was bowling with a friend and told him we could hang after, but he was drunk and I didn't think it was appropriate. I'm not defending him just explaining the situation. We texted numerous times daily. Up until Friday (the day after our canceled date). The decreased texting is really what worries/bothers me. I'm purposely not texting him again. When you're into someone it's not this hard. I don't think he's worth your time.
RedRobin Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 Hi Abby, I think you should avoid all the posters who are injecting their own personal experiences and hurt by another gender and concentrate on the FACTS at hand. You heard rumors that this guy might be a player. In life, at your age, do you think rumors cut it with making decisions in your life ? For all you know, your so called friend who had third party information he was a player could of had a crush on him, and was trying to dissuade you from connecting with him. For the posters who love to dissect the anatomy of a player, I would not heed their advice. First off, they are reflecting on their past experiences and hurt hence not giving an objective opinion. Just because someone has a past of hooking up at a bar a few times does not make a person a player. The fact that he showed two years of commitment in a relationship is a big factor in your decision making. Sometimes in life we have to take chances, but I wouldn't not take a chance based on a rumor and not fact. Hardly... Some of us have seen this pattern repeated too many times by others. Here on LS and elsewhere. Smart people learn from the mistakes of others. It seems the OP is determined to learn the hard way. Then again.. If all her texts say 'hang out' then one can hardly blame the guy for thinking she is into something casual. The OP sounds confused. Doesn't know if she wants a hookup or something else... Sounds like the perfect situation for some clever dude to take advantage of * shrug* Or maybe she likes playing games too... She doesn't seem too upfront. Mostly wants to be led along... Ok well. If she wants to be dumb nothing is stopping her... But my opinion about the guy hasn't changed one bit. Sounds like a loser to me still.
Author abby_tx Posted February 15, 2014 Author Posted February 15, 2014 (edited) Hardly... Some of us have seen this pattern repeated too many times by others. Here on LS and elsewhere. Smart people learn from the mistakes of others. It seems the OP is determined to learn the hard way. Then again.. If all her texts say 'hang out' then one can hardly blame the guy for thinking she is into something casual. The OP sounds confused. Doesn't know if she wants a hookup or something else... Sounds like the perfect situation for some clever dude to take advantage of * shrug* Or maybe she likes playing games too... She doesn't seem too upfront. Mostly wants to be led along... Ok well. If she wants to be dumb nothing is stopping her... But my opinion about the guy hasn't changed one bit. Sounds like a loser to me still. Where I live saying "hang out" is common and doesn't equal sex. How would you suggest I be more upfront??? I've only seen him in person once. I think it's too soon to be more upfront. Edited February 15, 2014 by abby_tx
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 15, 2014 Posted February 15, 2014 In my experience, rumors turn out to be true in most cases. Where there is smoke there is fire. I have often ignored the warnings of others and wished I hadn't. 1
Teraskas Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 My apologies up front, I Haven't read all of the thread yet because it's currently late over here. :/ Truth told, your best bet would be to avoid that guy and find someone who's more focused on finding a relationship. Regardless, the decision is entirely yours in the end. However is his past actually a true story ? Could it be the case that this guy's 'past' was created on the other's end because of a bad breakup ? (Which unfortunately happened to me.) Sure, I've had a past too. Not to the degree this guy is described, although I've had cancer. Even bringing it up vaguely is enough to send women running for the hills. But, I digress, sorry lol. If his past wasn't a fabrication...then well...there's your answer.
Author abby_tx Posted February 16, 2014 Author Posted February 16, 2014 A friend who works with him just told me some disturbing ****. This guy is done with. Back to having no one.
Gaeta Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Abby, your BS radar needs a tuning before you go back to dating. This had burning red flags all over it and you chose to ignore all of them. When it crawls like a snake and whistles like a snake, chances are IT IS a snake.
Under The Radar Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 Abby, your BS radar needs a tuning before you go back to dating. This had burning red flags all over it and you chose to ignore all of them. When it crawls like a snake and whistles like a snake, chances are IT IS a snake. Do snakes whistle? Anyway, it doesn't much matter. Just the mere thought of one humming show tunes had me laughing out loud .
RedRobin Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 A friend who works with him just told me some disturbing ****. This guy is done with. Back to having no one. You have your self respect. That is worth way more than any guy. About the hang out comment. It leaves a casual vibe. If you are looking for a relationship I recommend you do not use this language.
HappyLove Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 A friend who works with him just told me some disturbing ****. This guy is done with. Back to having no one. I think your real upset here is that you have "no one". Don't let having no one make you settle for less. I'd rather be alone than played for a fool in a miserable relationship. Your just one step closer to finding the right one. 1
RedRobin Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 From reading your past posts, it sounds like any guy that doesn't walk a perfectly straight line and salute you is a loser. I believe every woman ought to be shown respect and consideration. That's hardly asking for a 'salute'. Have you had bad experiences with men ? No disrespect. But to label someone from your own personal experiences and hurt kind of gives a bias opinion. I don't know the guy nor do you, only the OP does, and I do agree if he turns out to be a player which is subjective and up for interpretation, then let her find out the hard way. My experiences with men have been mostly good... but I work around all men and am very observant by nature. So, I know what truly good men look and act like... and I also have observed how not good men act too. It is insulting that every piece of advice offered to women here on how to avoid men who would likely use or take advantage of them is considered 'man bashing'... No, I'm bashing men who are users or appear to be so. I just don't think you should be so quick to judge men. For every true player out there, there is a female counterpart willing and able to oblige.All the best. I think women should be MORE quick to judge certain behaviors from men. The OP had all or most of the information she needed from the first time he texted her and tried to get the booty call.... especially after getting the yellow light from her friend on his public behavior. In the future, she can avoid days or weeks of time and conversations and simply next a guy who tries that. ... and about the 'female counterpart'... yea, well, lots of women want to give men the benefit of the doubt and they are naïve... especially when they are lonely. They need other women (and good men) to tell them like it is. Not listen to some tripe about giving wanna be players the time of day. 1
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