StGeorge22 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Hey guys Not sure if this is the right section for this question, but just looking for a few people to share their experiences. My situation in short - my 5 year relationship ended 18 months ago. It wasn't a clear break and was in part due to her having some mental health issues which put us in debt and basically lead to things that caused much resentment. Anyway the last 12 months have been spent trying to work on things, but it is now well and truely done. In the last 12 months when me and my ex have been off for a period I did a bit of dating. But I never let it get too serious. But now that I know my ex isn't coming back, I feel like I'm really ready to give It more of a go. The problem is, I'm always finding things wrong with the girls I date. Some of them are super attractive and my friends can't believe I complain about them, but I always find something that holds me back. Anyway my question is what comes first for people after a break up - meeting someone else to help you get over it OR getting over it before meeting someone else? As I say, I think my situation is a little unique as we haven't been together for a while, but it didn't officially end until a few months ago. I'm wondering if I'm finding problems with these girls because I still think about my ex, or if I should keep dating and try and find the right girl. Any input would be appreciated.
FortunateSon Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 It doesn't sound like you are over your ex, the time spent trying to "work" on things hasn't let you move on. Are you you still in contact with your ex? If so, go No Contact. After a long term relationship it is normal to not be ready for a relationship soon after. You are probably still comparing the new women to your ex. My advice would be to date casually without commitment until YOU feel ready for a relationship.
Author StGeorge22 Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Thanks for the reply. Think you are right. Nah I'm not in contact with her and plan on keeping it that way. Think I just need to relax and let things happen
Conners Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I think you are still attached to your ex after spending so much time together. I know how you feel. I have been single for just over a month now. I went on one date and the guy was fine. Just didn't feel any desire to see him again. I thought a rebound would help and had sex with a guy I had known for a while. Physically it was good but mentally I was just not into it and I just missed my ex even more after. I think it just takes time. We should work on ourselves until we are fully healed and ready to date again.
TheyCallMeOx Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I'm taking a year off relationships because I know that if I were to date a woman anytime soon, I'd compare them to my ex-girlfriend. I want to date a woman who is unique in her own way, and I want to appreciate that uniqueness instead of disliking her qualities simply because they aren't like my ex-girlfriend. I think it's unfair to pursue women when I'm at a point where the only person who would be able to satisfy me is my ex-girlfriend. I'm taking a year off because I believe that it'll help me refresh, so to speak, so that I can fall in love with a woman without having any sort of feelings towards my ex-girlfriend. Essentially, I believe that you aren't completely over your ex-girlfriend, and I think you need to stop pursing relationships with women and start focusing on yourself. After a while, you'll get over your ex-girlfriend and look at her as a fantastic past experience, but now it's time to move onto bigger and better things.
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