carl2012 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Just a hypothetical scenario. Let's say you have been in a relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend for awhile like 2 years or longer and then tomorrow they got diagnosed with cancer. The doctor says your significant other is not likely to live longer than another 2 years. What if your significant other is happy about the diagnosis and they say "Since I'm going to die in 2 years or less I think we should go our separate ways. I want to spend my last days as a social hermit staying at home all the time in my bedroom and playing video games on the internet". Would you honor their decision and let them go? Or maybe even one better take more of an attitude of "You don't need to fire me. I will resign". In other words would you go even further than honoring their decision such as leaving and never looking back and going no contact with them? By the way I am dealing with cancer myself and I feel like just going away and becoming a hermit in some cave. I don't get excited at all about meeting people or hanging out with friends or even dating. I think it's normal and each cancer patient deals with things their own way.
GoreSP Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Seems like an unusual reaction to impending death. But I'd respect it. It's kind of like a dying wish...
BlametheIrish Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I'd tell them it's their life so.it's up to.them, but living out your last days as a hermit seems like a waste of your last days. Then I would let them know that I'm alwats a phone call.away if they feel like company.
Author carl2012 Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Seems like an unusual reaction to impending death. But I'd respect it. It's kind of like a dying wish... I have a feeling I'm going to get my wish big time whether I want it or not. I have a premonition that as I get closer to my final days more people are just going to avoid me. Already some family members have kept a certain distance from me just last thanksgiving and Christmas. So I shouldn't be surprised if it only gets worse from here. I think even my own father is going to keep a distance from me at some point. Nobody likes to talk about death. It is a big elephant in the room.
ja123 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I would feel very sad if my SO got terminal cancer and wanted to shut me out. I'd like to be there to share what time we had left together and to support him. I'd want to kiss him and hold his hand until the end. If he told me that this was his wish, to be a hermit, I would want him to talk this through with a psychologist first. If he still felt the same, I would be heart-broken but accept his decision. 1
Author carl2012 Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 What if he refuses to see a psychologist or counselor?
ja123 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 What if he refuses to see a psychologist or counselor? Then I'd ignore what he told me and I'd keep showing up!
Author carl2012 Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Good luck. Eventually you'll reach your threshold and get tired of him.
ja123 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 What do you mean exactly? How would I get tired of him?
Author carl2012 Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Like if he kept saying he's unhappy that you're still sticking around.
ja123 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I'd laugh, tell him that he's a curmudgeon, and give him sh*t. Then, I'd force kisses on him and we'd both probably just cry and cry while holding the other as if it's the last moment in time. Besides ... he'd know what to do if he really wanted to get rid of me: see a psychologist!
theediblewoman Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I have a feeling I'm going to get my wish big time whether I want it or not. I have a premonition that as I get closer to my final days more people are just going to avoid me. Already some family members have kept a certain distance from me just last thanksgiving and Christmas. So I shouldn't be surprised if it only gets worse from here. I think even my own father is going to keep a distance from me at some point. Nobody likes to talk about death. It is a big elephant in the room. Hmmm that's really a tough question to answer. I feel like if my so made this request of me, I would tell to think about it, give them some space to process what it is that's going on with them and make contact again later. But, it's very hard to say how one would react in this case. This seems to have more to do with you and your cancer though, sounds like you're struggling with your family members. When I was 14 my mother passed away of a melanoma and I can remember reacting in the same way your family, avoiding her. As a 14 year old it was really frightening seeing my mother go through chemo, she looked like a different person, her cheeks were gaunt, she was pale and her stomach was swollen from the cancer spreading.My parents didn't really do a good job at filling me in with the progression of the disease and generally didn't speak to me about it (I too was living with an elephant in the room). I would avoid her and just generally locked myself in my room. I felt extremely guilty when she died for the way I acted, but I was a kid and no one was helping me deal with what was going on and the truth is most people don't know how to deal with this kind of situation. It sounds like you've stated that you wish to be a hermit but that maybe that's not quite true. Are you trying to push people away hoping everyone will hurt less if you die? When there's an elephant in the room it's best to just talk about it, maybe you'll feel closer to them. At the same time you must be going through a million emotions and I could understand not wanting to deal with other peoples. Anyway, I'll stop here because I'm off topic and my comments may not be welcome.
pickflicker Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I'd do what they asked. I don't fight when someone wants to break up with me, I walk.
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