Mondmellonw Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I saw him today at school, like I told you before (in another threads) he still had business to do in there, so I kinda knew this scenario was coming. A friend warned me about his presence and I tried to avoid seeing him, but the place isn't that big. He approached me, of course he knew I was going to be there. I felt very nervous but I was able to tell him "I don't want to know anything about you, you lied" (I am sorry I told him he lied, but I wasn't thinking completely straight since I knew he was there, I got kind of scared, upset, and all at the same time). He told me that he never lied, and that I ruined our relationship acting like an insecure child all the time: he basically told me it was all my fault. When I was about to enrage, I remembered this forum and I tried to calm down as I was thinking of his manipulation (if you know my story, he was cheated and he decided to leave that relationship. When we had a conversation about this, he told me she had "psychological issues"and I believed this. This particular topic worried me, but I never even thought about the fact that talking on that way about your ex to a new girl was not a good thing, til now... Maybe it was because he never talked with hate; he was always cool, pacific and introspective, and at the time I felt he was being honest about wanting to change his way of life and be happy. Eventually, everything started to be different. At the two-months mark of our relationship he started being a little distant, and I started being demanding. I must admit I had a lot of mistakes and still regret it a lot). I decided to confront him. I told him he always lied. I told him I knew that he still stalked his ex during our relationship, and that he put everything on her and never actually said he had mistakes too. (Again, at the time I believed on this because cheating is to me, one of those things you can't really forgive/forget). He started laughing and said I was boring, and that he suspected I haven't still received any professional help for my "mental illness" (yes, he said his ex was crazy when he was pursuing a relationship with me, but now I am the ex, and now I am the crazy one, and the one who ruined it all). I told him he said at the time that his other ex was nuts, and that this quote about his crazy exes was getting old... (I regret this, I felt it was unfair that I always shut my mouth during our relationship and even when we ended it and he acted like an idiot)... I just told him that I felt, more now than ever, that it was my biggest mistake to trust him. He got upset and I left when a friend arrived at her car, looking for me. He told me "goodbye, crazy". He didn't even tried to solve anything, or to be honest. He just replaced his ex with me, and he doesn't feels guilty at all. Not by replacing, not by telling lies, nothing. Of course, he didn't tried to follow me neither. It just felt like an absolute waste of time and a terrible encounter and I've been feeling very dizzy. I had many mistakes during the relationship. I must admit that I felt like I was being immature all the time. I had several problems on communication and I still feel guilty cause I'll never know the "what if"... Do you think it was bad to confront him? Could those things I confronted him about, can actually be classified as "lying"? It is OK to leave things like this? I've had a hard time accepting the whole case, but thinking that I had some part of the responsibility on this results by (at the time) wanting a relationship with him, has helped me a lot. Note: It's been almost 4 months since the BU. In this same time, he told several mutual friends I was controlling, nuts, etc. I blocked him in every possible way and right after I knew about the "NC thing" I asked these friends to forget about that and to never tell me anything about him ever again. I feel like he saw me as an object, and I feel angry too because of his manner of "winning" on this... I definitely don't have good feelings left for him anymore, after today
Author Mondmellonw Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 It was "my ex approached me today"... Sorry.
OhThatGirl Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Well. You've identified his coping mechanisms. Good for you. It helps you realize that you're not really crazy and that by saying so he just continues the pattern of what he does after a relationship ends. Hopefully someday he will learn better and deal with a failed relationship rather than just project craziness on to the lost partner. Who knows. Is t bad you confronted him? Eh. It's whatever. You did pretty well. You told him how you felt. I know NC is the end all be all of this forum but when you're face to face and don't have an option what can you do? Well. I imagine you do what YOU did. Tell him you don't want to hear it, you don't buy his worn out excuses, and that you know he lied and leave it. Simple. Back to NC. The bigger deal here is that you seem to be doing well in general. You've gotten wiser, you see the mistakes (both his and yours) and will likely not make those mistakes/identify them when you see them again. I know you're not feeling great but you probably should be. You grew from this. And after a failed relationship isn't that all we can really hope for?? Smile. Continue on. You're a better person, with more insight, now than you were. Go you. 1
Author Mondmellonw Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Thank you both for your responses. I actually think that it was a little useless to confront him. I had the choice to leave him yelling things there. I didn't wanted to make a scene, but of course I had the choice, and I must admit that the outcome wasn't even that important... There's no way back. The important thing now is that I don't want to be like him. I don't want to dwell on whatever he said and done. I don't want to make him guilty of my own sins. I shall forgive him and most important, I shall forgive myself, and I haven't completely done that yet. He is responsible for his lies, and I am responsible for accepting them (for a while) at the time and trying to feel like I was a really good person for being with him, ignoring the fact of that I was just a replacement, a rebound, whatever. The only thing I should feel good about is that I don't want to be in a relationship right now, because I feel guilty about all of this. Like I saw in here, "it takes two to tango"... I don't want to give 1/3 of me to anyone. I want to give my all, and I need to restore it. I'm on my way. I also got the feel of that I'll never be the same again. It's a weird feel. 1
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