ThomasJW Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Well, as I write this now it's my ex's birthday tomorrow, some may know from my previous threads about this ex I've been looking to get back with this girl, however I was late to the punch. (As my previous threads have stated when she hits her long awaited birthday her parents would allow her to freely date again two years after her rape, so this has been long awaited) The problem is she's fallen for this guy, he lives rather far (We live in the south of England, he lives further north so roughly 160 miles aprox) he's played her along before and quite a few times she's expressed how she wants him to 'change', recently from what i heard from a mutual friend (I kept away from my ex to allow her to do what she wants) he's told his friends/ family about her & "cried" over skype when she asked him what he felt about her, He's incredibly sly so somewhere I can tell he's lied, but again I'm keeping NC to let the situation develop itself. (Around this time last month he did similar by saying how much he likes her, but dropped her for another girl which never lasted) So as you can tell he's a player, my mutual friend also said she said to her that he'll have to prove himself first which to I'm glad to a degree, but I can't help but feel she's setting herself up to get screwed over again. I'm taking this time to allow me to work on myself, go on some dates, etc just develop myself more. She's married him over Facebook (Something she's not done to a guy since me) but I'm keeping out, I'm going to post a HB message then nothing, zilch, nada. Thoughts? Knowing her she will overlook the past 3 months of leading her on and dropping her, but I feel somehow the distance will tear them two apart over time. I'm just going to keep NC and move on for now as in the end it's not my business, I guess time will tell.
Musing Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Well, as I write this now it's my ex's birthday tomorrow, some may know from my previous threads about this ex I've been looking to get back with this girl, however I was late to the punch. (As my previous threads have stated when she hits her long awaited birthday her parents would allow her to freely date again two years after her rape, so this has been long awaited) The problem is she's fallen for this guy, he lives rather far (We live in the south of England, he lives further north so roughly 160 miles aprox) he's played her along before and quite a few times she's expressed how she wants him to 'change', recently from what i heard from a mutual friend (I kept away from my ex to allow her to do what she wants) he's told his friends/ family about her & "cried" over skype when she asked him what he felt about her, He's incredibly sly so somewhere I can tell he's lied, but again I'm keeping NC to let the situation develop itself. (Around this time last month he did similar by saying how much he likes her, but dropped her for another girl which never lasted) So as you can tell he's a player, my mutual friend also said she said to her that he'll have to prove himself first which to I'm glad to a degree, but I can't help but feel she's setting herself up to get screwed over again. I'm taking this time to allow me to work on myself, go on some dates, etc just develop myself more. She's married him over Facebook (Something she's not done to a guy since me) but I'm keeping out, I'm going to post a HB message then nothing, zilch, nada. Thoughts? Knowing her she will overlook the past 3 months of leading her on and dropping her, but I feel somehow the distance will tear them two apart over time. I'm just going to keep NC and move on for now as in the end it's not my business, I guess time will tell. Personally? I think you should tell your friends to stop updating you and stop giving you the play by plays on her affairs. This guy could be a player. But you know what? She'll have to deal with that on her own, because it's her decision. And she may get burned or she may not. Either way, the bottom line is she has chosen to be with him. Until she voices her feelings for you, what she does is all in her life and should stay there. But, you're doing great by focusing on yourself. Keep doing that, and who knows- maybe in time she'll come back, or maybe you'll find someone more stable to spend your life with. I know you want her back but she needs to figure that out on her own for it to be genuine. Stay strong. 1
Author ThomasJW Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 (edited) Personally? I think you should tell your friends to stop updating you and stop giving you the play by plays on her affairs. This guy could be a player. But you know what? She'll have to deal with that on her own, because it's her decision. And she may get burned or she may not. Either way, the bottom line is she has chosen to be with him. Until she voices her feelings for you, what she does is all in her life and should stay there. But, you're doing great by focusing on yourself. Keep doing that, and who knows- maybe in time she'll come back, or maybe you'll find someone more stable to spend your life with. I know you want her back but she needs to figure that out on her own for it to be genuine. Stay strong. Already have buddy, after the last time I told them I don't want to know what they want to do, because in itself them leading information back to me (Even though I never ask) defeats the purpose of NC, which I don't want right now. In itself I just require some time to let my mind set on getting things back to normal, I'm not going to message her telling her how much of a dick this guy is nor spam her phone, I'm giving her freedom to do what she wishes. I'm most likely just going to spend today watching some films to take my mind off this, thank god I have two weeks off from college. In regards I don't think they will last an awful long time, 160 miles is still a long way away nor do both of them have the money to pay £70ish pound each week for a train up and back, I think the most they can do is just skype and Facebook for now, but without physical interaction just talking online get's boring, she proved that with me. (After her parents disallowed her to see me we wanted to try keep things going on a online-only relationship until we could meet, that lasted say 3 months) Honestly the future is there to be written, I have no idea what could happen, but chances are if things don't work out with him she'll come knocking again as aside from me she doesn't really have that much male friends because of how insecure she became after her rape. But who knows - they could last a week, a month, a year, still none of that is my business. I've read enough articles that has given me enough insight into what I should do, she commented on one while liking 3 other Instagram pictures of mine but I've not responded or said anything, for me to really seem like this "mysterious" new guy she needs to see that for herself given some time away from eachother. For now I've planned around 1-3 months NC then take things from there, I'll take each day as it comes. Many thanks for the help buddy. Edited February 8, 2014 by ThomasJW
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