Patrice Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I haven't seen MM in nearly 3 years ... I told him I would not see him again if he was married. I have moved on in my head, my soul, my body .... he has begged me to go see him - he lives 700 miles away. I have remained firm with my commitment to myself, not getting my heart entwined again. He has written from time to time, and told me today, that they are divorcing, and wants to recapture what was. I am thinking, many things - I have grown as a person, I am happy and healthy. Do I want to relive my divorce again through another person...do I want this person in my life. I have every ball in my court to make a decision.. and he recognizes that. When do you make a decision about moving forward - with what at one point, was my best friend, and hurt me that bad. I am over the hurt and have introspected on that. We are connected through a period in my life that was horribly vulnerable ... I have learned to be independent. Hard choices coming I think... do I really know this man? I have never lived with him, picked up his dirty socks, cooked him dinner....might be time to demand a dating period.
woinlove Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Do you know him? You know he was abusive to you, called you names, just because you wouldn't go back to him while he was still married. Doesn't sound like a good candidate to date.
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 and told me today, that they are divorcing, Too bad he didn't come find you when he was 'officially' divorced. Him telling you that he's divorcing doesn't mean that it's gonna really happen. 1
vanellope Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 if he is divorce and I am single, we still have feelings for each other, I will date him. seems after three years he didn't forget you and still love you even you are not seeing each other for long time, give each other a chance, maybe you two meant to be together.
Poppygoodwill Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 You sound like you're in a really good place, and shouldn't do anything to put that in jeopardy. He, on the other hand, is in a bad place and grasping at straws. Everyone going through a breakup knows it's easier to handle if you've got a landing pad in the form of another person. So is he being genuine? Or is he just trying to make himself feel better? Only time will tell. My strong advice is to keep your distance, watch and wait. TEll him to leave you alone until *six* months after he has moved out of hte house to his own place. Then he can be back in touch. Not before. That will give him time to find himself some fun if that's all he's looking for, and you won't get wrapped up in his separation drama and all that. Protect your peace of mind that you've worked so hard to attain. Don't let him just barge in and upset it only because his life has changed and he decides to coem sniffing around. 4
Author Patrice Posted February 28, 2014 Author Posted February 28, 2014 That sounds like a good plan ... I just don't see it right now. After going through my own divorce and healing myself ... I know how long that takes. Part of me is wondering if he wants a safe landing spot ... and part of me, wonders if that part of me, that led me into this - is just gone now. 1
jellybean89 Posted March 1, 2014 Posted March 1, 2014 You sound like you're in a really good place, and shouldn't do anything to put that in jeopardy. Everyone going through a breakup knows it's easier to handle if you've got a landing pad in the form of another person. So is he being genuine? Or is he just trying to make himself feel better? Only time will tell. My strong advice is to keep your distance, watch and wait. TEll him to leave you alone until *six* months after he has moved out of hte house to his own place. Then he can be back in touch. Not before. I would go a step further and tell him 6 months after the divorce is final (instead of living on his own; because couples physically separate during divorce most of the time and I would advise that the OP wait until he has divorced and settled into his new journey before even entertaining the idea of being with him) 1
Author Patrice Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 More .. he promised me he would check in with me every day. He didn't call me yesterday .. when I questioned him about it, he got all testy because he is working horrendous hours. I told him, I was raised to keep my promises and that if I wasn't worth a 5 minute phone call, I didn't see it happening. He took me off FB last night, it looks like. Just very inconsiderate ... AGAIN. Time to move on, if he thinks he's going to get a second chance - he'd better follow through with some action. I have every right to express how I feel, he doesn't have the right to get cranky with me when he can't seem to extricate himself from a bad situation.
whichwayisup Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 His actions and how rude he's been to you just shows where his head is at. He deleted you off of facebook so as of now, as painful as it'll be, cut him out of your life and don't let him back in when he starts contacting you again. To me, this seems like a power struggle and he doesn't want you calling the shots. You were upset that he didn't contact you as he promised he would. Yet this is the same man who lies and betrays his wife daily - He cannot uphold any promises as he has gone against his own marriage vows. 1
jwi71 Posted March 5, 2014 Posted March 5, 2014 You are called a soft landing. A way to buffer the pain and tumult of a D. Don't. He has already SHOWN you who he is - believe him. Block, delete, ignore and get with your happy life. 4
Author Patrice Posted March 5, 2014 Author Posted March 5, 2014 To me, this seems like a power struggle and he doesn't want you calling the shots. You were upset that he didn't contact you as he promised he would. Yet this is the same man who lies and betrays his wife daily - He cannot uphold any promises as he has gone against his own marriage vows. This is exactly what is going on with this man .. as I've gotten stronger, I can see it more clearly. He is the sole breadwinner, I make my own money and don't need him for that. I have other friends, he doesn't seem to have many (another red flag). He is appearing to me, to be another control freak who wants a relationship on his terms. That is not what I am looking for. I will go NC. Thanks everyone! xo
Author Patrice Posted March 6, 2014 Author Posted March 6, 2014 He wrote again ... I'm in a bad place, it isn't fair to you, keep in touch. I will not respond.
Author Patrice Posted March 12, 2014 Author Posted March 12, 2014 What I wrote but didn't send .... You do your thing, I'll do mine. Frankly tired of the lies...I have a good life, and I will keep moving on and up. I am tired of your pettiness and lack of regard for me. You have chosen your life, that's not my problem, it is yours. I have gone over and above for you, and you have eroded my dignity as a person ... I choose life and joy and good people who fulfill me and my spirit. I'm sorry you are unhappy but you can not use other people to fill the void that you choose to remain in. Probably my greatest flaw, I am too kind to people ... and I make mistakes sometimes believing in people I should not believe in. I will work on that .. take care. 2
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