Berrybeans Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Hello everybody, I am new here, this is my first post. I am in dire need of some advice and really truly very miserable at the moment, so please be gentle! So it's hard to try and fit all of this into one post without it dragging on for pages and pages but here goes... I have been E for 3 years now, I am 30. During that time we have had the worst up and down relationship I have ever experienced in my life. Also one of the best and most passionate relationships I've ever had in my life. I still get butterflies when I look at him and I still fancy him more than anyone I have ever met, ever. The problem is that he is jealous, he swears at me when he gets upset with me and leaves me every time we ever have a problem, giving me the silent treatment for as long as he sees fit. This has happened time and time again, always ending with me apologising for things I haven't done and begging him for his forgiveness (pathetic I know, I do feel like I hate myself for being like this) This latest disagreement is the last in a very long line of issues but it has been the worst for me and the most upsetting/confusing. The difference being that this time I haven't tried to persuade him to stay and started begging him, I have kicked him out myself, taken his key off him and blocked him from every site that we are connected on, on the internet. On Monday I forgot to do something for him, which might have been annoying but I got called the worst names you have every heard and was also told that just because I am good in the bedroom, it doesn't make up for the fact that I'm such a selfish c.-word otherwise. I've written all this in my language but it was worse, much worse when said by him and left me feeling gutted, degraded and cheap. We have been together for 3 years and we have lived together, he left me feeling dirty. I've cried for hours and felt slightly crazy over the last 4 days. I've had no contact for the past 4 days. Tonight a mutual friend of ours phoned me and said he'd been in touch. He had asked her whether he could drop some of my things with her for her to give to me. I feel like he is doing this to push my buttons and send me into a spiral of anxiety but I also feel like its working. Everytime we have split up it has been the same patterns. hes wanted to give stuff back or do something to create some kind of contact. He never apologises but always seems to make me apologise for something I haven't done. I need help, is he playing mind games again with me or does he genuinely never want to see me again? I can't bear the thought of that but also feel like thats how he is trying to make me feel, all vulnerable when this time I've been so strong. I want to break this pattern, I love him but I can't ear this happening over and over. I hope you got this far in listening, I realise I'm like a bloody broken record and I realsie that a stronger better person would probably just let it go and blank him without caring. But I need help. Advice anyone? I'm really sad x
Author Berrybeans Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Bump - please someone would you read and give me some advice, I need some sense talking into me, quick.
Caliguy30 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 My mom always taught me never to use the C word. If he called you that, I'd say good riddance. Sounds like you really care about this person, but the fact that he would call you all those terrible names is unforgiveable. I have my own situation going on, but as an outsider to someone you "Love" and he would say those terrible things to you. BYE. My ex used to do the same thing. She wouldn't talk out an argument she would leave and leave me wondering if we were going to breakup or worse cheat on me. Someone who can't communicate and strictly resolves things on their terms, is not a healthy person to leave you wondering what is going on for days until he is ready. If he does just want his stuff, I'd say give it to him, or to be completely honest if it is clothes after what he called you I'd cut them up or tear the sleeves off, burn it who cares. He should never have called you terrible names. Sounds like he is just trying the power play and get you to feel bad. I apologized for so many arguments that I didn't cause and it sounds like you did the same. It sucks that we care about these people who don't seem like they deserve it. Stay strong, you deserve better and to be in a 50/50 relationship now someone who constantly wants the upper hand.
Author Berrybeans Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Thanks for replying Caliguy... I know that you're right. I hate myself for feeling so weak and like a puppet on a string when it comes to his stupid mind games. It sounds like you've had a bad time too, I'm sorry to hear that. These affairs of the heart hurt worse than anything else. I've felt like my heart is being torn out the last few days. Hmmmm he prob does deserve his clothes back in shreds, he doesn't deserve anything from me, his behaviour has been appalling. I wonder why, given the fact I realise all this, that I'd probably still take him back if he knocked on the door and begged. The problem is that he won't, I'd end up sayng sorry for something I hadn't done and then end up feeling crap about myself all over again. How have you managed to keep to NC? Assuming that is what you've done...? Does it get any easier? I wish I felt stronger right now.
Caliguy30 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 HAHAHA NC SUCKS!!!! As taramaiden has made it clear it's like a drug. I'm on day two after breaking 3 days of NC, longest since we started dating 18 months ago. I am not the symbol of strength when it comes to NC. It is much easier said than done, but that's why we are all here. I have even gone as far as trying to be friends to work things out, DUMB DUMB DUMB. And trust me I still sit here wishing she would walk through my door throw her arms around me and say how badly she screwed up. Do I wish it happened, yes, would it make any difference in the future of our relationship absolutely not. We are still going to have the same problems as before, but it is the need to feel wanted and loved by the person we think we love. Trust me, as I have said before I need to take my own advice, but there is someone out there who will love you, when you have disagreements not leave and not talk to you, and who won't call you terrible names. Being good in bed is a definite plus, BUT more importantly you are on here and you care about this person much more than he is willing to accept. Sounds like you've got more to offer someone much more mature than him. Burn his clothes or write I'm a C word on them. Someone on here told me, the faster you get moving forward with your own happiness, the faster you will be with your next love who I promise you will be better than this guy.
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