ms1980 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 So, I've been dating this girl for close to 2 months - started out by meeting up with her and her friends at first, spent the night a few times at each other's apartment, hooked up but nothing major. Then we finally went on a date and we slept together. Fast forward now and we've been on 3 dates - alone, but have met up with friends about 5 other times. So I've seen her around 8 times since the 2nd week in December. We've now slept together twice. However, she's terrible at texting and planning. I'm always the one to reach out to her first or suggest we get together...except for this one time she called and wanted me to come and meet her, sleep over and go to brunch the next morning after I already told her I was staying in that night. We are EXTREMELY physical in bed with each other while lying together. We hold eachother, and she is very cuddly, touchy-feely, kissy - the whole nine. I feel we have a very deep connection and attraction for one another, but she'll never just send me a text out of the blue to ask me how my day is or how it's going. Should I be concerned that she's dating other guys? I really want to be exclusive with her, but I'm not sure she's ready...she's turning 27 next month and has mentioned that she's been really focused on her friends this past year after moving from South Carolina up to Boston because of a bad breakup. Should I just give it more time and take it slowly with her? *Also, I asked her if she would want to do something for Valentine's day next week, but she's already made plans with her girlfriends to go out. Need some advice!
TheyCallMeOx Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 This woman told you about a bad break-up. Generally, people don't say that kind of stuff to people who are interested in them unless they feel it's still important. This is a clear indication that she's not over the break-up entirely. When she says that she's "focused on her friends," that's a way she's dealing with the break-up. Friends keep her pre-occupied. Valentine's Day is going to be tough for some of us on this forum, including her, because she might have that desire to get into a relationship with you but she knows that it would be unfair to you because she's still in love with her ex-boyfriend. I can't say that she doesn't have feelings for you, but some people think it's a sacrifice to not get into a relationship even if they want to because they would be bringing unnecessary baggage. Trust me. You don't want to date someone with fresh baggage. Right now, she's probably enjoying the single life and wants to take things slow. She does probably like to get touchy with you, and probably enjoys that time with you, but I believe that she knows she's got some issues in her life to work out before she starts pursuing relationships. I think that you are starting to develop feelings for her at the wrong time. She's going through a tough period in her life, and I think she's spending time with her friends and staying single to cope with the situation. At the moment, I don't think she can be convinced to date you, and I don't think you and her may be dating for a while. It's a tough situation, but if you continue the type of relationship you and her have...you have to understand that you're going to feel differently than what she feels. In your mind, you're ready. In her mind, she's not. To make matters worse is that you don't know whether she will EVER be ready to get into a relationship with you. Over time, you're probably going to continue developing more and more feelings for her, you're going to get impatient, ask her "how she's doing" and things like that, and the relationship may get affected because of that. If you plan on taking things slowly, you're gonna have to drop those extra feelings that you have. If the relationship is strictly sexual, keep that in mind. The physical interaction that isn't sexual may be an indication for you that the relationship can be SOMETHING MORE, but you need to get rid of that thought. It might, but it very well might not. Ultimately, you should do what you feel is right. For the love of God, don't give her an ultimatum; it's not gonna work, and it's gonna make you look like a fool. Either accept the circumstances (that there's uncertainty on whether you and her will ever end up dating, you don't know how long it's gonna take for her to get "ready," etc), or you need to end the relationship so that you won't get hurt. At this rate, you're bound to get hurt...so you need to accept it for what it is, and decide on what's best for YOU (rather than what's best for HER, or for "us.")
Phantom888 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Wait... if sleeping together doesn't imply exclusivity already, do you still want to be with this girl? Are you okay with her sleeping with other guys while dating you? If you have to ask these questions, then you two are not on the same page. Why do people have to wonder about these things? Actions speak louder than words. Until recently, I never even heard of the "exclusivity talk". I mean, if you are dating and having sex, you should assume exclusivity. If your partner rejects that implication, then that person is not worth your time. IMHO.
GemmaUK Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Sounds like she isn't emotionally involved to be honest. Her feelings might grow but you can't count on it. You could be in the bracket (same as guys do) of being fun but not serious material to her.
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