upsetnhurt Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 I had been dating a woman immediately after she dumped her boyfriend of four years due to lack of communication and that the ex never had told her that he was divorced prior to their relationship. The first four months were great between us. We got along great and truly connected on a physical and emotional level. One day told me that our communication was lacking and called it off. I figured that I was a rebound and once she realized it she looked for any excuse to say she had finally had enough. We took a break from each other for two months and somehow reconnected and began dating once again for another four months until she once again let me know that her heart was not been able to catch up to mine. It turns out that she went back to her ex during the two months we were apart and for a second time decided that it was not right for her. My question is whether I should consider myself a rebound again?
SoleMate Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 If your question is what label you should apply to your role in this story, "reboundee" seems accurate enough. Is that really your question though? Or are you asking, "What happened? How should I think about this? What to do if she tries to come back?"
Chris_T. Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 You are the backup plan. And if you continue to allow her back into your life over and over, you will get your heart broken, over and over. She is obviously not over her ex, and I can almost guarantee you she will dump you again and go back to him...again. Sorry to be so blunt, but I have been there and done that.
Author upsetnhurt Posted January 17, 2005 Author Posted January 17, 2005 Chris T, What then is your suggestion to do? I know....move on I am sure. I care for this woman with all my heart yet I totally understand that she is so confused about life. I have not spoken with her for a month now as I realize we both need time to find ourselves once again. I do not know if she has in fact gone back with the ex ( I hope not) yet I would not be surprised. There was care between us and I constantly question myself as to if I should be doing more. I am so scared that maybe she has realized that I might be the "one" yet is too scared now to contact me since she knows how bad she has hurt me in the past. I will say that when I look back upon our time spent together there is nothing more I can do to show her how much I care. I am so lost here and heartbroken. She has so many qualities I cherish in a person yet apparently the timing is just not right here. Thanks for your advice.
littleoleme Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Upsetnhurt, I feel your pain, you seem like a very caring person...Maybe she just needs some more time to figure out how special you are, if it is meant to be she will find her way back to you, You have done nothing wrong and it will be her loss if she doesn't come back...hang in there
Chris_T. Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 My advice to you would be to forget about her, for now. If she re-establishes contact with you, play it free and easy. Don't wear your heart on your sleeve, make it seem like you're having the time of your life on your own. If you decide that you want to start seeing her again, keep it light and fun. Don't ever bring up your relationship or the other guy. Just date her casually and if and when she wants to take it further, she will let you know. I know this is hard to do with someone you care about, but there's really nothing else you can do. If she comes back in to your life and you seem clingy and desperate, you'll just push her back right to him. Play it cool. Good luck to you.
Author upsetnhurt Posted January 17, 2005 Author Posted January 17, 2005 Chris, Thanks for your advice once again. I realize I have no other alternative and no matter how much it hurts I will need to suck it up and act accordingly. Can I get your opinion on what you think it takes for one to get over an ex? I just can't understand this girl out. She leaves her ex because she finds out from one of his family members that he had been divorced in his past and while that would not be a big deal I presume the fact that he chose not to tell her of it in the four years they were together hit the spot. She figured if he held that back what else could be out there to hold back. She also felt that there was a lack of communication from his side and just did not feel that the future was bright for both of them. I believe my problem was I came into the picture too soon...where she needed to determine for herself that she was fine with leaving. She jumps to be with me without healing and this guy starts stalking. We find him sitting in his car around the corner at house numerous times, calling her at all hours of the night, following us to my house and going as far as glueing my doorlocks and pouring paint thinner all over my car. She was scared out of her wits yet to this day felt that she caused him to become like this.........I am out of my mind here as most men would have run for the hills. I chose to stick by her and in the end got my heart broken. When we broke it off she mentioned that in her mind I was her "ideal" partner, yet for some reason her heart has not been able to catch up to mine. I can't believe she has yet to reconcile this within her. What does she need?
Author upsetnhurt Posted January 17, 2005 Author Posted January 17, 2005 Chris, I am sorry for the last post. No need to respond as I was only venting and it served it purpose I guess. I realize there are no specific answers for why this has happened and there will never will be. Timing is everything I guess and both people have to want to work together to make a relationship work. It just did not happen in this case and I will bear the brunt of it. Thanks again as you at least made me rationalize things.
Chris_T. Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 Don't worry about it dude. Vent away. I know you're going through a rough time. I went through a similar situation and it lasted 4 YEARS. She was a sister of a friend of mine that worked with me. She was back and forth between me and the other dude the whole time. I knew all along what was going on, but she was super-hot and we had great sex. It's kinda hard to tell a hot chick to go away when she rings your bell at 4 AM. She broke my heart a thousand times. Good luck to you in figuring all this crap out.
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 yeah the only thing worse than getting dumped is allowing yourself to be dumped more than once stay away from her or you'll end up in a mental home someday good luck!
Author upsetnhurt Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 Guys, Thanks for the advice. Not so sure if it is temporary, yet I my vision is a bit clearer this morning. I have at least for the moment realized that she might have done me the best favor in letting go of me now rather than later if she in fact felt she could not fully give herself emotionally to me. For whatever reason, whether it be her ex or maybe its just me.......she could not and I deserve to have it as I was more than ready to give myself to her. I still think she is the most wonderful person out there and has so much to offer someone in the future, yet the timing just wasn't right for us. It feels like a temporary weight has been lifted off my shoulders yet I know it is probably temporary as the loneliness will set in again and I will become sad that she is not around. Thanks again and good luck to you too.............
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