Helen A Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I am doing NC I'm not contacting and doing okayy OM gets in touch with me this week it's been a while. I'm thinking to myself do not reply. I reply. He ends up telling me he misses me and that he cares. I do not know what to say to this. The next day he tells me it is not right to which I agree tell him that now he must delete my number and not contact me again. He says that he doesn't want to do that there's no need. I tell him he must do. I cried my eyes out last night. I want this over. It MUST stop. I just can't go through this again I'm a mess.
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Only way to make it stop is to stop reading his texts, stop answering his texts. It seems you don't have it in you (right now) NOT to look so why not change your cell number? Or is it possible to block him from your phone? Just keep in mind NC is for you - To grieve, to let go and detach. Every bit of contact puts you back and makes you hurt. 2
Trimmer Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I am doing NC I'm not contacting and doing okayy OM gets in touch with me this week it's been a while. I'm thinking to myself do not reply. I reply. He ends up telling me he misses me and that he cares. I do not know what to say to this. The next day he tells me it is not right to which I agree tell him that now he must delete my number and not contact me again. He says that he doesn't want to do that there's no need. I tell him he must do. I cried my eyes out last night. I want this over. It MUST stop. I just can't go through this again I'm a mess. So if you've decided that NC must happen, then don't depend on him: you take control of it. What matters for NC is you, so find out how to block his number (assuming it's your cell phone he's using to contact you?) and do it. If it's Email then get a filter set up on your system to reject his Emails or send them straight to the trash bin and delete them. Feeling like you don't have control is a horrible feeling - so figure out how to TAKE control and make things happen. Block him so you can move on. If all else fails, you are crying your eyes out, and you just need to take control, then as WWIU suggests, change your cell number and/or EMail.
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Come on Betsy. Be honest now. You have done nothing to maintain NC. Whenever he texts, you respond. You still plan to socialise with him and his wife. You even unblocked him on Twitter. When are you going to learn that your continued stance of doing nothing will achieve nothing. You are a grown woman. Start acting like one. 1
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Come on Betsy. Be honest now. You have done nothing to maintain NC. Whenever he texts, you respond. You still plan to socialise with him and his wife. You even unblocked him on Twitter. When are you going to learn that your continued stance of doing nothing will achieve nothing. You are a grown woman. Start acting like one. Betsy, take control and stop hanging out with them. Do you see by continuing this kind of contact, whether it be face to face, text, twitter is only feeding your feelings and keeping him in your head? When you truly are sick of feeling this way, hit your lowest of lows, then you'll be harder on yourself and stay out of his life and make it impossible for him to contact you. He KNOWS your weaknesses and uses them against you. Why? Because he knows how to push your buttons, he knows you're really not ready to let go so he continually pushes boundaries with you, knowing you'll cave and he'll get what he wants.
Author Helen A Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Thanks which way is up. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going out tommorow to get myself a mobile phone. A new one. I need to have proper time to get over this, as mad as it sounds, if we are all going to be friends in the future I need to get over it and I'm not. He is now blocked again on twitter. I CANT be his friend not yet.
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Thanks which way is up. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going out tommorow to get myself a mobile phone. A new one. I need to have proper time to get over this, as mad as it sounds, if we are all going to be friends in the future I need to get over it and I'm not. He is now blocked again on twitter. I CANT be his friend not yet. Betsy, you can never BE his friend. That should not be the long term goal here, or even short term. This man, any friendship, contact etc is TOXIC to you. You can't be friends with his wife either. You know why - That friendship is not pure, not honest or innocent. It's a fake and forced friendship with her and keeping up the lie, befriending her is just making a FOOL of her. She finds out, you better watch yourself - Double betrayal and affairs can be really nasty.
blue963 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 You can never be his friend.. It wont work, particularly if you are friends with the family.
Author Helen A Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Betsy, you can never BE his friend. That should not be the long term goal here, or even short term. This man, any friendship, contact etc is TOXIC to you. You can't be friends with his wife either. You know why - That friendship is not pure, not honest or innocent. It's a fake and forced friendship with her and keeping up the lie, befriending her is just making a FOOL of her. She finds out, you better watch yourself - Double betrayal and affairs can be really nasty. I know this I just don't know what to do here. He says that we will always be good friends. I'm supposed to be going on a girlie day out with her in two weeks I can't face it.
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 You either have to deal with his repeated sleazy behaviour and having to listen to his wife talk of her suspicions that he is having affair(s) or you end the friendship. Find a way. Tell your husband the truth ideally but if you won't do that, lie. After all you have been lying to him for months now, what is one more lie if it means the OM is not coming into your family home and having friendly chats with your husband whilst he is trying to f*ck you again behind his back
Author Helen A Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 You either have to deal with his repeated sleazy behaviour and having to listen to his wife talk of her suspicions that he is having affair(s) or you end the friendship. Find a way. Tell your husband the truth ideally but if you won't do that, lie. After all you have been lying to him for months now, what is one more lie if it means the OM is not coming into your family home and having friendly chats with your husband whilst he is trying to f*ck you again behind his back That's right. What can I say about the girly day out? I can't go
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 It's not just about one day. It's about every single day. You have to end the friendship with both of them completely and forever. If you are not prepared to tell the truth then you HAVE TO come up with a story.
Author Helen A Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Such as? I have thought about this I don't exactly enjoy this anymore it's making me ill.
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Half truth then. Tell your husband that the OM is pestering you to start an affair.
Author Helen A Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Half truth then. Tell your husband that the OM is pestering you to start an affair. Oh gosh there would be hell Anne and again id hurt two families. I know you think I'm weird and she's not my friend but she is my friend I've known her for years I can't drop a bombshell and blow her life apart and I would kill my husband. Why because I was a selfish tw*t!???
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 In that case, you have to shut up and put up with his repeated attempts at contact. You did this Betsy and you are not even beginning to pay the price of it yet. 1
Author Helen A Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 I will think of something to cut the contact. I have asked him this time. I still like him why ???? Why did I do this
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 You have to get some IC as well. even if your husband does not know you are going, you need to do this.
Author Helen A Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 I think if I can have a good few months NC I will start to sort myself out. And that's what I'm having this time.
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 You have said that before. And what do you mean by a few months? Does that mean contact will be resumed when you think you are over it? Oh and you have posted before that you were over it. 1
Author Helen A Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 I think that I am and I will be, because my husband I want, and my little girls life I don't want to mess up, but yet something like him telling me that really upsets me and the realisation of what I have done.
anne1707 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 And you ignored my question about what you mean by a few months.
Author Helen A Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 I need complete space I meant from him texts chats tweets whatever to try and move on from this.
Recommended Posts