confusedbuthappy Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I know the thread of the post sounds horrible. I know many will see me as a horrible person and I am prepared for whatever judgement comes my way. I am just so confused by my situation and I can't even begin to try and understand it. So this crazy situation all started at work. I have a great career where I am established with an excellent reputation. It was January 4th, 2013. It was an ordinary day day coming into work. When I arrived to work I found out I was going to be with a new employee for a day because her trainer had taken the day off. The new employee and I started out shift at 3:00 PM. While training her for the whole shift, we had great conversations and we immediately connected. I am not an open person at all. I am very much an introvert, but talking to her was so easy. We had a lot of fun while getting work done and showing her the right way to accomplish our tasks. The shift ended and we told each other goodnight and wished her luck because she was leaving for additional training and I would not see her for a while. Before I begin further, let me present some background information. We are both married, with children. Both of us happy with our lives. We are both established in our personal lives and never thought anything like our situation would present itself. After a few weeks of not seeing her, I will admit I thought about her a little, but nothing that distracted me in my daily routines. I sent her a text asking how things were going at training and it lead to small talk. Still at this point, nothing out of the ordinary or considered cheating. As time progressed I found myself thinking about her more. When she returned to work I was so excited. I loved watching her walk in. It's like we picked up where we left off. We were on different shifts, but had small talk in between my going home and her coming in. The little things we talked about made us realize how compatible we were. I am not sure exactly how this next chain of events happened but it seemed very fast. She sent me a text April 5, 2013 saying that I infiltrated her dreams. I remember reading it thinking, good I am not the only one thinking about the other. We starting texting non stop since then. My attraction was something I have never felt towards anybody. She is absolutely beautiful, she is sweet, caring, smart and has a great sense of humor. She remembers things I tell her, which shows me that she is an amazing listener and an amazing friend. We are so close with each other. We feel so connected and I feel so protective of her. I don't want anything to ever make her upset or hurt her. And the funny thing is that I felt that since day one, because I remember feeling really angry when a perverted supervisor wanted to work with her for an hour the day I trained her and sent me on a meaningless assignment. I have never met anybody like her and we love each other very much. I just don't know what to do. Neither of us do. We are stricken with confusion, love, frustration, infatuation, happiness and sadness. Being with each other makes us so happy that nothing in the world matters.
clairbear Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 What are u hoping will happen? What outcome do you want from this?
Author confusedbuthappy Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Well honestly I just don't know. I do want to be with this other woman, but the irony is a few hours after I posted this,she text me breaking it off. Now I am hurting but, who am I to hurt over someone I couldn't really call mine? But I do know that I will always love her and care for her and want to protect her. Always.
CarrieT Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Google and read about Affair Fog. Then tell your wife everything you have told us. The fog will soon lift and you will either be able to pursue this woman honestly, or you will remember why you married your wife. 1
Author confusedbuthappy Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Since she ended it today, it may be time to work on my marriage. The only thing that does not motivate me to do so is that she told me she has not been happy since she married me and she'd rather leave me most times. We have been married for almost five years.
Speakingofwhich Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 (edited) Since she ended it today, it may be time to work on my marriage. The only thing that does not motivate me to do so is that she told me she has not been happy since she married me and she'd rather leave me most times. We have been married for almost five years. ten characters Edited February 7, 2014 by Speakingofwhich question answered
chelsea2011 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Since she ended it today, it may be time to work on my marriage. The only thing that does not motivate me to do so is that she told me she has not been happy since she married me and she'd rather leave me most times. We have been married for almost five years. Ugh. Ya know...I kinda feel sorry for your wife. I have been where you are before and the biggest thing I've learned is to not make someone a concilation prize. It's just wrong on so many levels. I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I'm sorry, it is really sad. My following opinion may not be appropriate for this forum, but I have to put it out there anyway. Just be honest and show your wife the respect she deserves by telling her the truth. Seriously, why would you want to put someone you "supposedly" care about - your wife - through such a fake life. It is disgusting to be honest. She is a human being who deserves to know that the person she is loyal to views her as a fall back instead of someone he really enjoys sharing his life with. That's repulsive. 2
CarrieT Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Since she ended it today, it may be time to work on my marriage. The only thing that does not motivate me to do so is that she told me she has not been happy since she married me and she'd rather leave me most times. We have been married for almost five years. Okay, there are two "she" pronouns in your story so you need to clarify which "she" you are referring to... "She" ended it today - assuming you are referring to the Emotional Affair partner? "She told me she has not been happy since she married me and she'd rather leave me most times." - sounds like you are talking about your wife!?!?! See why I'm confused? 1
Author confusedbuthappy Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Ugh. Ya know...I kinda feel sorry for your wife. I have been where you are before and the biggest thing I've learned is to not make someone a concilation prize. It's just wrong on so many levels. I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I'm sorry, it is really sad. So much for not being judged. When you say you have been where I am now, were you the cheater or the one cheated on? Or were you the other woman? Because to me it sounds like you were the cheater, so your attitude towards the post is a little contradicting. I get it though, and you are right. It's an emotional affair, yes I am admitting that. I have never slept with her. I know that doesn't minimize it. I know telling my wife will risk me losing her, but I probably deserve that.
Author confusedbuthappy Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Yes CarrieT, I see why. And yes "she" (emotional affair partner) ended it. Thanks
Quiet Storm Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 If you truly want to protect her, than let her go. She is married- you say happily. Contact with someone that there is an attraction to will only cause confusion and pain. Protect her by keeping your distance. Married people will feel attracted to others. But as a married person, you shouldnt feed that attraction. If your marriage is over, divorce. If not, focus on your marriage. The grass will be greener where you water it. You are thinking about her, building up this attraction and blurring boundaries. Focus on your family. It sounds like that's what she is doing. Show respect for your wife and this woman by leaving her alone. Figure out yourself, your marriage and what you want. Feeding these feelings is not fair to either woman. Don't try to escape your problems and destroy two families in the process.
whatatangledweb Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Since she ended it today, it may be time to work on my marriage. The only thing that does not motivate me to do so is that she told me she has not been happy since she married me and she'd rather leave me most times. We have been married for almost five years. Have you asked your wife why she isn't happy? Is she not happy with you or with herself? 1
Poppygoodwill Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Seems this is one of those clear cases when the emotional affair - and you are surely in one otherwise you wouldn't be 'broken up' - is a symptom of the reality in your marriage. I know you're focusing on your feleings for this other woman, but really you should be thinking about the marriage. If for no other reason than ever being with her means getting UNmarried. But I also think your wife deserves to know how far it's gone. Think of it as a grenade you can throw in th emiddle of your marriage to blow the thing open and perhaps free everyone stuck in the thing - you and your wife, who seems not happy. Better to be alone and with integrity, than with someone and living a lie.
chelsea2011 Posted February 9, 2014 Posted February 9, 2014 Ugh. Ya know...I kinda feel sorry for your wife. I have been where you are before and the biggest thing I've learned is to not make someone a concilation prize. It's just wrong on so many levels. I'm sorry if this offends anyone, but I'm sorry, it is really sad. So much for not being judged. When you say you have been where I am now, were you the cheater or the one cheated on? Or were you the other woman? Because to me it sounds like you were the cheater, so your attitude towards the post is a little contradicting. I get it though, and you are right. It's an emotional affair, yes I am admitting that. I have never slept with her. I know that doesn't minimize it. I know telling my wife will risk me losing her, but I probably deserve that. No. I was not the cheater, but I did stay in a relationship for all the wrong reasons once. It wasn't fair to that person and I finally grew up and did the right thing. I'm just saying that you should not view your wife as a fallback person because it is not fair to her. Anyway, sorry if I offended you. I might be projecting a bit and for that I apologize.
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