She won't talk to me

[Adam19]

Hi. I'm new here

 

Really looking fo advice on this on. No idea what to do.

 

My girlfriend and I recently broke up. She packed all her stuff up and moved across the country to where we are from.

 

I've know this girl since we were kids. We were each others firsts in a lot of different ways. We've been together on and off for the past 13 years. With other relationships along the way of course. We broke up mostly because I left the area for work or college. She tells me I broke her heart but has never believed it broke mine too.

 

This time we were apart awhile but towards the end of 2012 she contacted me and we got talking again. It was like riding a bike lol. I was on one side of the country and she was on the other but, at the same time as we started talking, my company closed its office and offered me a transfer to the city she lived in. It was like it all fell together.

 

We spent the 2 months leading up to my transfer talking on the phone whenever we could. talking about old issues we had with each other and planning on how to make it work now. I made the decision for myself to be as good to her as I could this time. If I had to leave again I was going to take her with me.

 

A lot happened in the time we were together, not all of it is necessary to the story I think until last October when I got a promotion at work. I had to start dealing with clients and she didn't like this. As time went on she thought I was flirting with the female ones to get sales. It got worse as time went on and she began to think I was cheating on her. I know that no one here knows me but I seriously was not. She thought I was leaving the house for work, sleeping with other women and coming home to her. Even though we had a very active sex life she thought I was doing this for whatever reasons. There were a few people who she suspected but she settled on one in particular and I, foolishly, promised not to talk to this person. The reason I say foolishly is because I still had to do my job. I kept contact down to texting and sent someone else for the in person stuff. My girlfriend read my texts and accused me of lying. That was when she stormed out completely convinced her every suspicion was true.

 

Obviously I shouldn't have lied about what I had to do for my work. I tried to convince her otherwise but I should have really put my foot down I guess. In my defense I was pretty much at my wits end. Nothing I said made her feel better about it. I don't want to make her sound bad but the last 4 months had been rough for her. She got hooked on prescription pills some quack gave her, tried to commit suicide, was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and went to rehab. She got out for Xmas and wanted an engagement ring but I didn't think we were stable enough. It was 2 weeks later she left

 

At first she went to a friends and I got a text or 2 telling me what I can do with anything I find of hers left. I was getting pretty fed up at this time so I ignored her. 2 days later I got a call and ignored it but it was followed by texts from her saying she was at the airport and leaving. She said it was the only way she could stay away from me. I tried texting her back but she either ignored me or already turned her phone off.

 

We didn't talk again until the next week. I didn't handle it well. I was angry and tried to tell her to come home. We didn't talk again for a few days and then she called me up crying and telling me she missed me. I tried asking her to come home but she said she was never coming back. After that she went into screaming at me. She has blamed me for everything that has happened to her lately. She told me I never loved her and din't support her. This isn't true but I couldn't convince her otherwise. Eventually things got so out of control I asked if we could just talk later. Later on though, when she called, I ignored it. I was stressed and din't know what else to do. She sent multiple texts. The last thing she sent and said was a pic of us together telling me it was torture and to look at how happy we were. I didn't answer anything. I guess I thought she would call again. She didn't.

 

I waited 3 days for her to re-initiate contact and then I texted her. No response. I spent the next 3 days writing her a careful letter telling her I loved her and that I really didn't cheat and that we should try to work on things. I emailed that to her and found a florist in her area and sent flowers to where she was. No response. Then I basically lost my cool and sent several texts pretty much begging her to tell me what i could do to show her I could be trusted (not my proudest moment) I woke up the next morning to some really cold texts from her and I answered. I called and we talked for a bit. Apparently she went back to work. She made it clear to me that she hated me and said she was trying not to love me and everything was my fault. I was upset and almost headed to the airport right there but caught myself. I would have had to give up everything to hop on a plane immediately and I couldn't do that. I figured I would give it awhile to cool. I sent her a text saying sorry and that I was going to leave her alone but I didn't agree with her view of things. Next day i got a very long text back that was so venomous and hateful I deleted it immediately. She really put a lot of poison in it as she told me to stay away from her and that she was blocking my phone, facebook and emails. I have taken her word on this. I'm all for no contact now. When a woman says that and a man persists he could up crossing the line into harassment and getting in trouble.

 

So, anyways, I have no idea what to make of this. She's thousands of miles away and I can't communicate with her. I still love her and I want her back at some point but I have no idea how that would happen. I'm fine with time and giving her space. I'm not really worried about other guys. I know some of you might think otherwise but she's not the type to just hop in bed with someone new. She is bitter and resentful and I have no doubt she's telling the truth. This has been confirmed by the few friends i still talk to of hers. She wants nothing from men right now. Even if she did it's not my business and we are not together. It's not the first time we've been apart anyways. We've both been with other people during the times we were not together. I'm more bothered by the idea of her falling in love.

 

I'm fine with her being out there and I'm glad she is working. She went to stay with her best friend and I'm sure that's good for her (Even though the friend is telling her she is probably right about me cheating and that I don't deserve her). My problem is the amount of hate she has for me. I really want to fix this. I've been in break ups with women before but this woman is also one of my oldest friends. I can't imagine having her out of my life forever but the walls she has erected are under her control (I hate that lol). I am fine with giving her space and not contacting her but I have no way of knowing if she's gone for good this time. I've never seen her like this and it's have to properly convey that here. I plan on leaving my job for another that pays better and I thought, maybe, in a few months I would go home for a visit and try to contact her then but I really just don't know what the best course of action is.

 

Any thoughts? Advice?

I'm pretty stuck on this one

[Chi townD]

Just let it go dude. Time to move on. You need to heal from this and move on.

 

She said those venomous things to you because she has to demonize you in her head to make it easier for her to move on. THEREFORE, you have to take that as she IS looking to move on from you. One thing you have to realize that when a girl makes up her mind, then that's it. Not even an act of congress will make them change there minds.

 

Now, I speculate that sooner or later (probably later) she'll think back about how she talked to you the last time and she may feel guilty and wonder if you hate her. She might throw you out a breadcrumb to see where your head is at. Nothing more and nothing less. She would NOT be contacting you to get back together, she's just seeing if you hate her. Therefore, with this knowledge, ignore it.

[d0nnivain]

She uprooted her whole life & moved thousands of miles away . . . probably to start fresh & get away from you. She's being very clear in what she wants. Listen to her & let it go.

 

 

That part of your life is over. Focus on your new job.