babyfacexox Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 fwb - im 20 his 26 .. we like each other alot .. i know all his friends he knows mine ive met his dad and his family know about me .. his friends think were together already, im at his place every weekend even his friends partys i attend them with him, we have an amazing sex life (i can say this cause he says my name during sex). One thing but hes scared to date me or make it official .. i want him to because i want to be with him and im unsure where we are headed .. i dont want to get stringed along or end up getting hurt cause im in too deep
soccerrprp Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 frankly babyfacexox, why would he? it sounds like you two agreed to FWB. they never work out. one or the other always gets more emotionally invested. this time, you. the simple answer may be b/c he doesn't want you for any other reason other than as a FWB. he wants to leave himself options, open to other girls and not feel constricted. 5
HappyLove Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 "dont want to get stringed along or end up getting hurt cause im in too deep" And this is exactly why you don't do fwb. It's much harder for women to do and not catch feelings for a guy. Why should he sign on for more when he can have you in bed for less. If you want more out of a relationship then you have to set higher standards. People only do what you allow them to. 4
somedude81 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 He won't commit because you're letting him have sex with you without having to commit. If you cut of the sex, do you think he'd stick around? There's your answer. 2
Zahara Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 fwb - im 20 his 26 .. we like each other alot .. i know all his friends he knows mine ive met his dad and his family know about me .. his friends think were together already, im at his place every weekend even his friends partys i attend them with him, we have an amazing sex life (i can say this cause he says my name during sex). One thing but hes scared to date me or make it official .. i want him to because i want to be with him and im unsure where we are headed .. i dont want to get stringed along or end up getting hurt cause im in too deep Everything else sounds great so in that sense, you would think that a guy would want to commit. He's not doing so because he doesn't want to. If he can't give you what you want, you need to get out because staying in an FWB will keep getting you hurt when you want more. Also, sex won't make a guy want to commit to you so "name saying sex" as you believe as amazing as it is isn't quite enough for a guy to want to commit. 3
mammasita Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Why are you confused? You're FWB. I know I can never do FWB because I equate sex with feelings. You're giving this guy everything he wants without the burden of a relationship. All he's doing is winning. 2
blackpajamas Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 He's already stringing you along. He doesn't see you as a long time thing, only a fun while it lasts kind of thing. Might have other plans for the future. Take it from a guy who just got strung along by a girl in a similar situation, if they wanted to commit, they woulda done it right away. Get out now before you get in really deep. It's gonna hurt regardless. 2
Phantom888 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 He's using you, and does not respect you as a person. You are insignificant to him. Your feelings don't matter to him. Why would you want to be with someone who thinks so little of you? He is a coward, user and selfish bastard who manipulates you. Is he that GREAT in bed that you can overlook all these flaws??? You deserve love and respect. Plenty of guys would treat you right. Why are you so hung up over a FWB? I mean, at 26, he should know better. You are a bit young so maybe he is taking advantage of that fact. I think you should stop seeing him immediately. He is toxic for you. Why waste your time with him when you can pursue a future with someone who can love you unconditionally? I think you know the answer. 2
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Have you asked him what's going on? We're all making assumptions that he doesn't want to commit to you because you are already giving him the benefits without making him commit. I doubt this is the case but what if in his mind you are already committed but he just didn't talk about it? If you want more, you are going to have to start the convo. Just ask him what you are to him. If he says garbage like "my friend" ask what happens if you say you want more. If he point blank denies wanting or being willing to give more, you have a choice: you can keep enjoying the benefits or you can walk. BTW, fwiw, just because he says your name during sex does not mean he loves you. It just means that he's smarter than most & not all of the blood left his brain. 2
emva07 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 People need to understand the key components of what FWB is. You're not just **** buddies....you are FRIENDS with benefits. Meaning you do things that friends do....go out to parties, hang out with friends and family, etc. Doesn't mean you're together. Just doing things friends do....as well as screwing also. Guys bringing a girl around friends and family doesn't mean he thinks of you as more...friends and family go along and support you in what you do....when he gets another girl, they'll be cool with her too...they just go with the flow. I'm sure they like you as a person but their relationship with you has nothing to do with HIS relationship with you. He's not scared to be with you as more than friends, he just doesn't want to. FWB is fun, you get great sex and the fun of having a good time with that person too. Ideal for those that want stable sex with someone they get along with but at the same time don't want to have a serious relationship and want to shop around and not having to deal with a girl nagging about it because she's just a friend. If this hurts you, then you need to stop seeing him. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 fwb - im 20 his 26 .. we like each other alot .. i know all his friends he knows mine ive met his dad and his family know about me .. his friends think were together already, im at his place every weekend even his friends partys i attend them with him, we have an amazing sex life (i can say this cause he says my name during sex). One thing but hes scared to date me or make it official .. i want him to because i want to be with him and im unsure where we are headed .. i dont want to get stringed along or end up getting hurt cause im in too deep That's why. 1
joystickd Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 He won't commit because he doesn't see you as commitment material. If he saw that potential there would have been a relationship sooner. You have to be honest with yourself and realize it's not going anywhere and you two are looking for two different things. This is another component of what I'm talking about when people need to be more honest. You hurt yourself by not being honest with yourself.
Leigh 87 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 It is VERY simple. If he met a girl who knocked his socks off, he WOULD date her. He would DEFINATELY make her his girlfriend . There is no "secret" reason as to why this guy won't make things "official" He just isn't that into you. Don't be a sucker like most women; just because a guy tells you that he really likes you, cuddles you after sex, holds you in his arms and introduces you to his family and friends - that DOESN'T mean he is into you! You have to look at his ACTIONS: are they matching up with his words? His words: oh I like you sooo much, oh yay I say your name during sex, great! You also met my dad and I enjoy spending weekends with you, hanging and having sex. Super! His actions: I won't make you my girlfriend or tell my friends that we are together as a couple. This guy is stringing you along - he may or may not be self aware enough to realise what he is doing. He is enjoying your company and the sex that comes with it very much, but he doesn't like you ENOUGH to make you HIS. If he was truly nuts about you he would want to snap you up before another guy got to you.... Heck, I plain told a guy I wasn't that interested in him, it wasn't going to work out, I didn't feel that amazing chemistry with him, among other off things that I did... Yet he STILL thought to tell me, in words: " look, I know this is supposed to be casual, but I feel the need to snap you up before someone else gets you" EVEN though I wasn't all that nice to him. When a guy is crazy about you, they know early on if there is something "special" about you, and they DO try to make you theirs. They WANT you to be their girlfriend. They WANT to commit to you.
joystickd Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 This guy is stringing you along - he may or may not be self aware enough to realise what he is doing. He realizes what he is doing. She gives him regular pu$$y and he don't have to commit. A situation was created he isn't going to change until she steps away. 1
Leigh 87 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 And here are the two outcomes. Either one WILL happen: - you remain in contact with him: you continue hanging with him and having sex with him. You get more and more attached until, one day, he meets a girl he really likes and dates HER. You are heartbroken and scratching your head because " he said your name during sex, and he acted like he was falling for you":rolleyes: OR, the much better outcome... - you cut contact with him NOW, quit calling, texting or hanging out with him NOW, and you get over him; when he gets a girlfriend, you won't care as you will be over him:D He WILL meet a girl who he is really into and who he WILL want to date. He will introduce her to his family and friends and he will tell them that she is his girlfriend. Unlike with you. Take your pick as to where you are when this happens. It could happen anytime now, so I seriously advise you to cut ties with him NOW so that you don't get heartbroken when he finds a girl he is nuts about.
soccerrprp Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 He won't commit because he doesn't see you as commitment material. I tried having a FWB relationship once and it simply didn't work. It was all too clear that I did not respect her entirely and didn't not envision myself being in a LTR with her. Mostly b/c I would ask myself what type of woman would want a FWB? Hypocritical- YES. That was a very abbreviated time in my dating and good riddance. It just didn't feel right for me and it bothered me that I couldn't see the friend much more than a sex buddy.
Leigh 87 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 He realizes what he is doing. She gives him regular pu$$y and he don't have to commit. A situation was created he isn't going to change until she steps away. Well not all guys who do this are bad guys. I am a nice person that is brimming with empathy, yet even I have been guilty of keeping things going with a guy who was clearly head over heels in love with me. I knew full well he'd get hurt when I found a guy I DID want to date. Yet I continued because I really loved the novelty of having a guy who was crazy about me. I genuinely liked him as a person. I loved hanging with him. I was aware but at the same time I figured that: surely he knows what he deal is, I have TOLD HIM ad nauseam that he is NOT my boyfriend and I will NOT commit to him. Perhaps this guy thinks " I have told her what the arrangement is, she should know that she is FWB and NOT my girlfriend" He mightn't be a insensitive jerk. He just assumes she is a grown woman and realises what she is getting into. Personally, after my last FWB situation went pear shaped (he went nuts when I got a bf... to put it lightly), I have learnt to NOT have FWB unless BOTH PEOPLE are on the same page. If I suspect one has feelings, I will put a halt to FWB for good. Just because one person agrees to something, they can still be in love with you. This guy was crazy in love with me; I had never had a guy who felt that way about me, and I really liked him as a person. He agreed to my arrangement, but I knew full well he longed for her, even though he SAID he was "cool" with it. yeah.. "cool with it" as long as I stayed single for years. I told him I would likely stay single for years you see. I thought I would. But hey, when things changed he went absolutely psycho.
Leigh 87 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 (edited) I tried having a FWB relationship once and it simply didn't work. It was all too clear that I did not respect her entirely and didn't not envision myself being in a LTR with her. Mostly b/c I would ask myself what type of woman would want a FWB? Hypocritical- YES. That was a very abbreviated time in my dating and good riddance. It just didn't feel right for me and it bothered me that I couldn't see the friend much more than a sex buddy. Yeah this also bothered me... One of the guys liked me enough to date, but he had a long distance thing going and he didn't know whether or not he wanted to pursue it (she met him overseas and they hadn't agreed to continue it). He liked me enough to date yet he was stuck on this other girl so we came to a comfortable understanding. He talked to me every day, he thought I was special from other girls he normally met, and he said he liked me enough to date but he had met this girl first, way before me, and they had months together. So that FWB was the ONLY ONE I liked, as he seemed to like and respect me enough to legitimately date. The rest of the FWB? Well, I just could never feel comfortable with the notion that these guys just didn't catch strong feelings for me. They weren't into me enough to date me. They didn't fall for me. I didn't compel them to feel strongly towards me. I realised that I am not cut out for FWB because I only want to get intimate with men who cannot help but fall for me. It felt wrong to give my naked body to men who just weren't that into me but really liked my personality and sexual side. Edited February 8, 2014 by Leigh 87
WP4046 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 He's using you, and does not respect you as a person. You are insignificant to him. Your feelings don't matter to him. Why would you want to be with someone who thinks so little of you? He is a coward, user and selfish bastard who manipulates you. Is he that GREAT in bed that you can overlook all these flaws??? You deserve love and respect. Plenty of guys would treat you right. Why are you so hung up over a FWB? I mean, at 26, he should know better. You are a bit young so maybe he is taking advantage of that fact. I think you should stop seeing him immediately. He is toxic for you. Why waste your time with him when you can pursue a future with someone who can love you unconditionally? I think you know the answer. He is being used too
pickflicker Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Everyone has said it, but I will too... why commit when he has everything he wants without making it official? Your option is to either enjoy it, or stop sleeping with him.
BradJacobs Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 You are not being strung along. FWBs take two people and one of those people is you. Tell him that you've changed your mind and that you want more from him. Ad lib as necessary from that point forth.
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