picnicinthepark Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 (edited) Overview: - Ex of almost 5 years breaks up with me (we're in our mid 20's) - We lived together for over a year (we had an apt and I moved out since I was recently laid off) - She comes home from a month long vacation visiting a friend who left the country a year ago after she broke up with her boyfriend LTR (I can't help but think she had something to do with it. I don't suspect my ex cheated) - We were too comfortable but neither of us said anything about it (not necessarily a bad thing?) - BU was 3 weeks ago and about 2 weeks NC I have so many regrets. We lost the spark but I was too caught up in everything that I neglected her. She didn't love me enough to want to try to work things out even after almost 5 years. This is what hurts the most. I remember back when we first met, we used to go out dancing, go for runs/walks, etc. I still have very vivid dreams of these times and it really breaks my heart. I wish I had made more of an effort, but then again she could have too. We just needed to talk! We had a talk earlier in the summer about how we needed to talk to each other and communicate our feelings. Things were good after this but we got into old habits. I don't think it's too late to fix this. Am I crazy? I've had some time to look back and I realize that this obviously wasn't easy for her. But I think that if I was in her situation I would have at least tried. I wouldn't have waited until things got worse to bring it up. I do not resent her but I'm very hurt because she gave up on me, on us. I can't make her love me and I've accepted this. It's been a few weeks and things are a little better but I feel so empty inside. I've been keeping busy training for a marathon, learning German, and looking for a job. The worst part is when I wake up in the morning. My heart pounds because I'm scared to open my eyes and realize this isn't just a bad dream. I know it will only get better with time. I'm also upset because I've not only lost my girlfriend but also my best friend. I've been NC for almost 2 weeks now and plan to stick to it. There are some outstanding apt matters but these can be resolved at a later date. I miss her so much. There is nothing I could have done in my life to prepare me for this. I'm hoping someone in a similar position can help me out. I'm so lost... Edited February 7, 2014 by picnicinthepark
redbaron005 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 ...It's been a few weeks and things are a little better but I feel so empty inside. I've been keeping busy training for a marathon, learning German, and looking for a job. The worst part is when I wake up in the morning. My heart pounds because I'm scared to open my eyes and realize this isn't just a bad dream. I know it will only get better with time. I'm also upset because I've not only lost my girlfriend but also my best friend. I've been NC for almost 2 weeks now and plan to stick to it.... "The true hero's journey is the voyage from strength to weakness." Picnic, you can and will hang in there. Let her get, at the very least, to that 6-8 week mark without hearing from you. 5-years is a long time for your 20s and she needs the space to work out her emotions.
Mr Scorpio Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 No, you aren't crazy. However, you are under duress from an extreme emotional blow. Based on your age and the length of your relationship, this is likely your first "real" breakup. So, now you know what all of those songs, poems, movies, and books are always talking about. Welcome to the club. Now, all I can do to help you out is listen and reflect. It sounds like you have a pretty good handle on the situation. You're looking for work and you're exercising. Those are two positive steps. Posting here and reading other people's stories -- in moderation -- may also be helpful for you. I think one important thing right now is that you focus on things in your control (again, work and exercise). This is to say that your ex isn't one of those things. Yes, she could have tried harder, but under the circumstances it was probably inevitable the breakup still would have occurred. that regardless of what conservations you'd had. Infatuation leads to familiarity. Familiarity leads to comfort. Comfort leads to boredom. It happens hundreds of times everyday. It is indeed too late for you to fix this. The only thing you can do now is to work on you. You're at a crossroads. Smooth sailing doesn't make for skilled-sailors, all that sort of jazz. But enough of my rambling. Watch this.
acidios Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 i know the pain of your words... one by one i will agree with Mr Scorpio you handle on the situation really good better than me for sure. dont break NC thats the Number 1 rule keep doin things for your self. a new job with help you a lot not only for the reason that you will be distracted but also that you will meet new people. even if you see that its not easy to find a job quick try to do some new hobbies something that you really wanted to do from the days that you where a little kid. there will be momments that you will be weak. talk with friends and family post here and vent your feelings but dont for eny case break NC TRUST me on that.
Author picnicinthepark Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 I wish I had read these replies before I broke NC last night while out with our mutual friends. I was doing so well but being out with our mutual friends made me miss her so much. It was very sad. I deleted her from my phone but I memorized her number so I sent her a text. She happily responded and we exchanged a few nice texts. It was pretty late and in my last text I told her goodnight and that I missed her. She did not respond. I texted her this morning to apologize because I felt like I wasn't giving her space and made her uncomfortable. She replied saying that I was silly to be sorry, that she fell asleep, and that of course she misses me. This definitely set me back. I did exactly what everyone told me not to do. I know that her life should not concern me. I was doing so well but being around our mutual friends made me think of great memories. I just can't shut her out of my life. I know that this was a mistake for me to break NC. I am weak.
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