TheBlingRing14 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 So, this guy messaged me well over a month ago from some dating site, and at the time, I didn't reply because I was wrapped up in another relationship-ish type deal. But, eventually I did reply, and I was very up-front with him explaining I am not looking for dates or romance or relationships, that I understood if he didn't want to continue talking to me....after all, he IS looking for a relationship. But, we continued talking, and to be fair, we really do have a lot in common. He seems decent enough. He has made a few comments over our time talking that has led me to believe maybe he is still possibly interested in me. But, I always shrugged them off as harmless flirtation. Well, he said he'd like to take me out to dinner. Ugh. To me, that is a date. And, again, I am not looking for that. So, I sort of tried to defer that as politely as I could. So, then he offered to cook for me at his place. Again, not much better, but it's at least not some intimate dinner at a restaurant either. Now, he had called me a pretty girl before, so I dunno why this comes as a surprise to me. But yesterday, he talked about how he finds me really cool and he finds me attractive. Welp, I'm done. I mean...I am not insecure about my looks. I am average. But, attractive? To me, that is just too much pressure to live up to. I mean, I know he has seen pictures of me, but what if there is a disconnect between what I actually look like and what his brain is interpreting from the pictures on the screen? Herein lies the nerves and jitters. What do I do? Am I going crazy? Am I already there?
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 If you don't want a relationship I wouldn't go on a date with this man. As you have already figured out dinner in a restaurant is a date. So is dinner at his place. (not that you asked, but the prospect of that terrifies me on your behalf; you don't really know this man; don't go to his home) He wants something you don't want & even though he's saying he's OK with it, the whole thing feels like one of you is delusional to me.
PegNosePete Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 (edited) Why are you on a dating site if you don't want dates? And if you don't want to date him, what does it matter if he finds you attractive or average or if you don't live up to your pictures? Makes no sense to me. If you want friends then try a friends site such as meetup.com. Edited February 7, 2014 by PegNosePete
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Why are you on a dating site if you don't want dates? Makes no sense to me. If you want friends then try a friends site such as meetup.com. Well, I mean...I have been on that dating site for a while. And, as I alluded to...my non-interest in dating comes on the heels of a bad experience in my life recently. I just hadn't gotten around to editing my profiles and whatnot.
MidwestUSA Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Why are you on a dating site if you're not looking for a date, romance, or relationship? My take is that since you've expressed your no interest in these things, he's assumed you're down for the only other possibility - FWB. He wants to cook at his place so he can have sex with you. Go if you're okay with that, I suppose. 1
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Why are you on a dating site if you're not looking for a date, romance, or relationship? My take is that since you've expressed your no interest in these things, he's assumed you're down for the only other possibility - FWB. He wants to cook at his place so he can have sex with you. Go if you're okay with that, I suppose. Okay, again, I WAS interested in a relationship up until a couple of weeks ago, and had a falling out with a guy, and now...I just don't know that I am ready for that, which is why I am not looking for that. And, again, I hadn't amended my dating profile. I since have. And, no....I was very clear I was not looking for that either. He knows sex is not even remotely on the table. So, unless he thinks he can convince me otherwise...I can't imagine that's on his mind. Hope not, at least. Great, now you gave me something else to be nervous about!
PegNosePete Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Yes "dinner at mine" means sex. If you want that, go. If not, stop talking to this guy, you're obviously after different things. 1
Emilia Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 So, this guy messaged me well over a month ago from some dating site, and at the time, I didn't reply because I was wrapped up in another relationship-ish type deal. But, eventually I did reply, and I was very up-front with him explaining I am not looking for dates or romance or relationships, that I understood if he didn't want to continue talking to me....after all, he IS looking for a relationship. But, we continued talking, and to be fair, we really do have a lot in common. He seems decent enough. He has made a few comments over our time talking that has led me to believe maybe he is still possibly interested in me. But, I always shrugged them off as harmless flirtation. Well, he said he'd like to take me out to dinner. Ugh. To me, that is a date. And, again, I am not looking for that. So, I sort of tried to defer that as politely as I could. So, then he offered to cook for me at his place. Again, not much better, but it's at least not some intimate dinner at a restaurant either. Now, he had called me a pretty girl before, so I dunno why this comes as a surprise to me. But yesterday, he talked about how he finds me really cool and he finds me attractive. Welp, I'm done. I mean...I am not insecure about my looks. I am average. But, attractive? To me, that is just too much pressure to live up to. I mean, I know he has seen pictures of me, but what if there is a disconnect between what I actually look like and what his brain is interpreting from the pictures on the screen? Herein lies the nerves and jitters. What do I do? Am I going crazy? Am I already there? He is after sex. It's odd to me that you think it would be acceptable to go back to a strange man's house instead of a restaurant by the way. He doesn't care whether you want a relationship. He is hoping he can convince you to have sex with him. Nothing more nothing less. 1
HappyLove Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Whatever you decide, DO NOT go to a perfect strangers house that you've never met in person! Meet at a coffee shop or something. Don't go on a dating site if you don't want to date. Delete your account, that's not fair to misrepresent yourself. I think you're really worried that your pictures online don't look a lot like how you look in real life well his probably don't either. But if you are interested in this guy stop with the games meet for coffee and don't fear rejection. If it's not meant to be...it's not meant to be.
MidwestUSA Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 And, no....I was very clear I was not looking for that either. He knows sex is not even remotely on the table. So, unless he thinks he can convince me otherwise...I can't imagine that's on his mind. Hope not, at least. Great, now you gave me something else to be nervous about! No need to be nervous, your eyes are wide open to the likelihood he's going to push for sex if you go to his house. Of course he's going to tell you it's off the table! Simple solution is don't meet him at all, or stick to the restaurant.
Iguanna Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 If you are not looking for "dates or romance or relationships", then what do you want? If you want just sex and fun, make yourself clear. I guess he'll be happy with only this as well. If you don't want any of these, be clear again and tell him you can only see him as a friend for now and possibly something more in the future. But what worries me is that you don't like him finding you attractive. You can't be inside someone's mind to know how they perceive things. He may find you the most beautiful girl he's met in his life. Why are you doubting this? Do you have some self esteem or trust issues?
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 If you want to meet him & be friends, go to a coffee shop. Do NOT go to his house. If you thought your last relationship ended badly, how do you think you are going to feel as the victim of a date rape? I don't know that he will attack you but you don't know that he won't. Please do not go to a strangers' home the 1st time you meet him IRL.
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