ascendotum Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 You've obviously never been married with kids. Actually I think your circumstances do excuse what you did. Cause & effect switched around. You lived up to her expectations (actually not quite as it was emotional only). In a STR the smart thing to do for peace of mind is to walk out the door. LTRs with kids and mortgages & years of emotional investment & possible financial rape does not make it as easy to do as some people think to just up & walk...for many anyway ES - Your reply #16 is the way you should go.
ascendotum Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Otherwise, if you sync yourself up with reacting to your intuition, you'd be surprised the things you avoid before the blow up in your face and the better decisions you will make...and on the other hand Acting on intuition in a early dating scenario such as this, it can be little hard to verify you were right. While ignoring your intuition will result in a certain outcome (not necessarily bad). People do like certainty...especially if the other person gets their heart racing, then benefit of the doubt reigns. The older you get the wiser you get in dealing with people (generally speaking), unless you have not been burned much in the past or been burned hard in the past and have become overly cautious.
Leigh 87 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Benefit of the doubt? HA! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Even more flabberghasting is the women who catch their guys on match.com yet somehow "bbelieve" that their bfs were just online to "browse". Or, in the case of another thread on here currently, a guy who admitted to "only going to dating sites so he could masturbate to "real women":lmao: People, largely women, prefer to give the "benifit of the doubt" to clear selfish imbeciles who are showing actual signs that something is off. ... It's laughable to really believe that women would go with their intuition when the guy hasn't shown any clear signs of unacceptable behavior. ........ In my recent case, I just "knew" the dude was lying about his mother being in hospital:sick: as well as his dog being paralyzed:eek: He showed NO signs that something was amiss. I just"knew". That was enough for me to not take him seriously from then on.
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Howdy ninja, you are such a ray of sunshine Well you know better than posting this here with me around Ok, fine...I'll tell you a nice story to make it up to you... Once upon a time, there were two doves, kissing on a telephone wire, whispering sweet nothings into each others ears saying *brelelelel brelelelel* Translation to human; "No I love you more.." "No I love you more...." "Do you mean it?" "Of course I do! I never felt this way......................EVER!" "What about that beatch Sarah who's a whore and your baby mama who keeps calling and hanging up on work nights while I'm laying in your arms? you always hide the phone but I checked it while you were in the shower and now I know its her" "Sarah who?, She meant nothing to me baybe! she was "crazy" a real fruit loop, nothing like what..........we have together" "She said you cheated on her with her cousin and ruined her family so she's not going to stop until you pay" "See...I told you she was crazy, a real psycho-path, she's just making that up because she's just so jealous of what WE have together" *sparkle in eye* "Awwwwwwww....I'm so lucky to have you" "I know...that's what they all say, I be a playerz to the max" "What did you say while my head was on your shoulder completely enamored in our love?" "I said...please don't play with my heart, I'm..............sensitive......and falling....for....you" "OMG this is totally believable, just like in the movies...how magical! I'm the luckiest girl ever, can't wait to annoy my friends later on by telling them all about it" On a clear sunny day...when suddenly *zap* Sara tied a string to Rome's leg grounding him to floor, turning two lovey doves into fried chicken... THE END 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Well you know better than posting this here with me around Ok, fine...I'll tell you a nice story to make it up to you... Once upon a time, there were two doves, kissing on a telephone wire, whispering sweet nothings into each others ears saying *brelelelel brelelelel* Translation to human; "No I love you more.." "No I love you more...." "Do you mean it?" "Of course I do! I never felt this way......................EVER!" "What about that beatch Sarah who's a whore and your baby mama who keeps calling and hanging up on work nights while I'm laying in your arms? you always hide the phone but I checked it while you were in the shower and now I know its her" "Sarah who?, She meant nothing to me baybe! she was "crazy" a real fruit loop, nothing like what..........we have together" "She said you cheated on her with her cousin and ruined her family so she's not going to stop until you pay" "See...I told you she was crazy, a real psycho-path, she's just making that up because she's just so jealous of what WE have together" *sparkle in eye* "Awwwwwwww....I'm so lucky to have you" "I know...that's what they all say, I be a playerz to the max" "What did you say while my head was on your shoulder completely enamored in our love?" "I said...please don't play with my heart, I'm..............sensitive......and falling....for....you" "OMG this is totally believable, just like in the movies...how magical! I'm the luckiest girl ever, can't wait to annoy my friends later on by telling them all about it" On a clear sunny day...when suddenly *zap* Sara tied a string to Rome's leg grounding him to floor, turning two lovey doves into fried chicken... THE END ..... 2
Emilia Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 haha you two are crazy When I start having doubts over someone, I work harder to figure out his character. It's what you should be doing anyway when you meet someone but when I pick up on inconsistencies, I look into potential red flags more. They don't have to be related to the situation, just see how he handles stuff, what his morals are, where his integrity is. How self-centred he is. That gives you the answer usually I think. 3
Leigh 87 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Well you know better than posting this here with me around Ok, fine...I'll tell you a nice story to make it up to you... Once upon a time, there were two doves, kissing on a telephone wire, whispering sweet nothings into each others ears saying *brelelelel brelelelel* Translation to human; "No I love you more.." "No I love you more...." "Do you mean it?" "Of course I do! I never felt this way......................EVER!" "What about that beatch Sarah who's a whore and your baby mama who keeps calling and hanging up on work nights while I'm laying in your arms? you always hide the phone but I checked it while you were in the shower and now I know its her" "Sarah who?, She meant nothing to me baybe! she was "crazy" a real fruit loop, nothing like what..........we have together" "She said you cheated on her with her cousin and ruined her family so she's not going to stop until you pay" "See...I told you she was crazy, a real psycho-path, she's just making that up because she's just so jealous of what WE have together" *sparkle in eye* "Awwwwwwww....I'm so lucky to have you" "I know...that's what they all say, I be a playerz to the max" "What did you say while my head was on your shoulder completely enamored in our love?" "I said...please don't play with my heart, I'm..............sensitive......and falling....for....you" "OMG this is totally believable, just like in the movies...how magical! I'm the luckiest girl ever, can't wait to annoy my friends later on by telling them all about it" On a clear sunny day...when suddenly *zap* Sara tied a string to Rome's leg grounding him to floor, turning two lovey doves into fried chicken... THE END :lmao: 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 (edited) I sometimes wish that I wasn't able to pick up on inconsistencies so easily. I noticed that majority of people are less observant and have a happier life. I guess I can say that I am never fooled. There is a high price to pay for that though :/ Edited February 7, 2014 by Eternal Sunshine 4
Emilia Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I sometimes wish that I wasn't able to pick up on inconsistencies so easily. I noticed that majority of people are less observant and have a happier life. I guess I can say that I am never fooled. There is a high price to pay for that though :/ You fill the blanks with negatives. Which is probably why you get on so well with Ninja, he is similar in this respect. 5
ChessPieceFace Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Still doesn't excuse your affair dude. If you were that miserable you should have left. So then your BF should leave you for your own insecure musings? Wow, talk about a recipe for failed relationships. 1
soccerrprp Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I truly understand people's fascination with "gut" feelings, "instincts", etc. but I just don't wholly buy it. Everyone of you (or most) have been in NUMEROUS failed relationships. As you look back, are you asking yourself why didn't I listen to my gut back then? Or were you bamboozled and your "instinct/gut" meter was fooled once again? Or did it ever exist? I am a person that looks at evidence and places less emphasis on "feelings." I look at the evidence and determine whether a relationship is going well or not. Everyone has feelings of insecurity, uncertainty and doubt somewhere and sometime during a relationship and OFTEN TIMES they are irrational and unfounded. Is that my "instinct" or "gut" telling me something? I am pretty certain that there are people who have lost some decent human beings b/c they listened to their "gut" instead of being objective (more). Maybe it's me, but I don't recall being so emotional when making decisions in my dating/relationship life and I don't believe I've ever been fooled. At least not that I can tell. It's easy to say my instincts or gut is always right, but "I didn't listen to it" (some people actually believe this) when you're looking BACK, after the fact. 3
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Maybe I didn't express myself well. It's never purely "feelings" and "instinct". There is usually a clear incident or incidents that trigger a "bad feeling". Then there is a period of time when I am on alert and watch guy's behavior closely. It causes me stress and I hate it but I think is necessary so that I don't potentially ruin a good thing. If the incident is one off, then I relax again in time. However, in majority of cases there are more things that don't line up and aren't consistent. It never usually reaches a point of "black and white" evidence. I can't imagine that it would unless I hard core snooped and breached all kinds of privacy. At some point I have enough information (enough for me which can be quite subjective) to leave. 1
soccerrprp Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Okay....took back my post. Didn't think it necessary after ES's recent post.
isisisweeping Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Find a good psychic. However, a good psychic isn't cheap so this person has to be important enough to you to spend the money. If you're tempted to go this route, I'd be happy to make things up for free, with no worse accuracy than psychics have when actually evaluated.
isisisweeping Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I would not end something on "instinct" but I would carefully evaluate the things said and behaviors that were causing that thought and end it based on that if warranted. Some of the people my "gut" liked were the worst and some of those I doubted ended up being the truest people and life savers... Thankfully, evaluating rationally bears that out
SunnySide0418 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Why wouldn't you do some snooping ? You've considering ending it but you wouldn't try to find out what's going on? I say snoop .. if you're being lied to you have the right to know one way or the other..
SunnySide0418 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Still doesn't excuse your affair dude. If you were that miserable you should have left. It's so not that simple when kids are involved...
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 BTW soccer - it's very sweet how you talk about your gf (or is it a fiance now?). I assume she doesn't even read LS. It gives me faith that there are still good men left
carhill Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Would you end something based on instict? Yes, and have. In retrospect, even when choosing not to, I've found my instincts are rarely inaccurate and I'm rarely surprised by anything, which speaks to the instincts matching up with reality pretty good. Granted, they get used more in business and personal platonic relations, since I've had far more of those than intimate partners, but the process is the same. 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Yes, and have. In retrospect, even when choosing not to, I've found my instincts are rarely inaccurate and I'm rarely surprised by anything, which speaks to the instincts matching up with reality pretty good. Granted, they get used more in business and personal platonic relations, since I've had far more of those than intimate partners, but the process is the same. Yes, this applies in a work setting too. I have often had a gut feeling that a new co-worker will be a problem a person based on short interaction. It was always true. 1
soccerrprp Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 BTW soccer - it's very sweet how you talk about your gf (or is it a fiance now?). Thanks. When you're truly into, in love with someone there's really nothing left but to feel proud, happy, be complimentary of that person. Fiancee? No, not yet. I assume she doesn't even read LS. It gives me faith that there are still good men left No, she has no idea that I am on this forum. 2
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 You fill the blanks with negatives. Which is probably why you get on so well with Ninja, he is similar in this respect. Not negatives, just facts of life...when I have tried in the past to tell myself maybe I was wrong...then I'd end up knowing better and kicking myself in the butt. Whenever I listen to my intuition/gut feeling, then with a high amount of reliability it turns out true...that's just something that I learned as a kid through trial and error myself. When I apply this philosophy to any facet of my life...work, romantic life, etc..then I am usually successful and in situations where "results" or conclusive evidence can be provided or founded then I can see that I am not in fact crazy and the results speak for themselves, if there were no evidence to go by and I was consistently wrong then I'd definitely question myself...and those goes for the moments that I still don't trust my intuition on occasion and don't think something through or just make a mistake, it's no surprise because I should have known better...it's a pretty simple to follow and there is "proof", enough proof that I don't need to often make the same mistake twice. I sometimes wish that I wasn't able to pick up on inconsistencies so easily. I noticed that majority of people are less observant and have a happier life. I guess I can say that I am never fooled. There is a high price to pay for that though :/ If I could erase my morals/feelings/consciousness/self-awareness/wasn't accountable or held responsible to myself then I'd be fine! just like the rest of em! painting the town red. I damn the entity/chance/miracle that created me every day for that No, she has no idea that I am on this forum. The deceit! I bet her gut feeling tells her something is up O.o 2
soccerrprp Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 The deceit! I bet her gut feeling tells her something is up O.o Ha, I wonder . I wonder what she would say if I told her that I was on such a forum? Hmmmmm. She would likely laugh her head off and be pissed about sharing some of my thoughts with total strangers. Well, have been thinking about this actually. Eventually, either I tell her or simply fade away in bliss with my new life with her.... Sorry, hijacking the thread.
veggirl Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 If you can decipher that what you are feeling is in fact a gut feeling and not just, as Emilia said, filling in the unknown w/ negatives then I def agree with listening to your gut. I've definitely cut things off early on when I got a vibe I didn't like. Maybe sometimes it was premature and I missed out but I'm not bothered by that.
Keenly Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I could never make a love decision based solely on a feeling with no evidence whatsoever to back up said feeling. I would need some kind of proof that something was wrong. My emotions tend to go all over the place sometimes, which I always keep inside and to myself. But they can not be trusted. Not like real hard evidence can.
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