Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 It's not a single flash but a persistent feeling that something is "off" and you have a vague feeling of untrustworthiness. The person is denying it so direct communication is out. Snooping is also out because that's not the road you want to take and you also CBF gathering evidence. Curious of your thoughts on this. 1
FitChick Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Find a good psychic. However, a good psychic isn't cheap so this person has to be important enough to you to spend the money. 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Find a good psychic. However, a good psychic isn't cheap so this person has to be important enough to you to spend the money. Haha - no it's not important enough for me to spend time/money.
Leigh 87 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Hun, go with your gut. I've always been right about men who treated me wonderfully yet something was just "off". One guy lied about his mother being in hospital and he's dog being paralyzed:sick: I just knew. Even though those are serious things for me to accuse him of.... and he gave no indication of lying. I just knew he was. Dump whoever your with.. if you were totally besotted with a guy you would have blabbed all about it on here by now:lmao: 2
RonaldS Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 My ex-wife had a gut instinct that I was cheating on her. She actually had dozens of these over the 11 years we were together. She snooped through everything she could snoop through, just couldn't find the evidence. But she swore up and down that I was up to something. She snooped and she snooped, she accused and she accused, she got mad at me for the affairs I was having in her head, and so on. Guess what? She finally ended up being right. At the end of our marriage I started having an emotional affair, in part because my relationship was so frigging miserable. Self-fulfilling prophecy. 5
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 My ex-wife had a gut instinct that I was cheating on her. She actually had dozens of these over the 11 years we were together. She snooped through everything she could snoop through, just couldn't find the evidence. But she swore up and down that I was up to something. She snooped and she snooped, she accused and she accused, she got mad at me for the affairs I was having in her head, and so on. Guess what? She finally ended up being right. At the end of our marriage I started having an emotional affair, in part because my relationship was so frigging miserable. Self-fulfilling prophecy. Still doesn't excuse your affair dude. If you were that miserable you should have left. 9
MissBee Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 It's not a single flash but a persistent feeling that something is "off" and you have a vague feeling of untrustworthiness. The person is denying it so direct communication is out. Snooping is also out because that's not the road you want to take and you also CBF gathering evidence. Curious of your thoughts on this. I would be cautious and give it a little bit more time to reveal itself but for me personally my intuition is NEVER wrong. It's when I ignore it that I end up kicking myself. So if I feel something is off and feel uneasy and like you're lying, you most likely are and there is no way I can be comfortable in a relationship where I implicitly don't trust you. 3
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 I would be cautious and give it a little bit more time to reveal itself but for me personally my intuition is NEVER wrong. It's when I ignore it that I end up kicking myself. So if I feel something is off and feel uneasy and like you're lying, you most likely are and there is no way I can be comfortable in a relationship where I implicitly don't trust you. Yeap. Being with someone you don't trust is not fun at all.
D-Lish Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I haven't ended things in the past when I've felt something was off- and always regretted my decision to overlook my gut because I was always right! 4
Leigh 87 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 My ex-wife had a gut instinct that I was cheating on her. She actually had dozens of these over the 11 years we were together. She snooped through everything she could snoop through, just couldn't find the evidence. But she swore up and down that I was up to something. She snooped and she snooped, she accused and she accused, she got mad at me for the affairs I was having in her head, and so on. Guess what? She finally ended up being right. At the end of our marriage I started having an emotional affair, in part because my relationship was so frigging miserable. Self-fulfilling prophecy. 1
Weezy1973 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 OP - have you ever been with a guy that your were attracted to and did trust?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 OP - have you ever been with a guy that your were attracted to and did trust? Yes I have - though things didn't work out for other reasons. I have been with guys that I had 100% faith in not playing around.
Weezy1973 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Yes I have - though things didn't work out for other reasons. I have been with guys that I had 100% faith in not playing around. Then you have your answer; your instincts are likely good. Trust the gut; dump the guy. 1
SmartDude Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Intuition is fine and everyone has some degree of it within themselves. The hard part is knowing if it is intuition or just feelings that arise from past experiences. You can't always trust your own perception. A person needs to scrutinize those feelings and then validate them with hard evidence. That is usually the only way to know for sure but there are exceptions... 1
TheyCallMeOx Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Trust your gut; you're smarter than you think you are. Regardless...you have a certain feeling that you can't get rid of. If you really found a dude you were interested in, you wouldn't have those "gut" feelings. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Intuition is fine and everyone has some degree of it within themselves. The hard part is knowing if it is intuition or just feelings that arise from past experiences. You can't always trust your own perception. A person needs to scrutinize those feelings and then validate them with hard evidence. That is usually the only way to know for sure but there are exceptions... I agree with this, that's why I allow benefit of the doubt. It also depends what I have with someone. The more serious the relationship, the more I would seek actual evidence to end it. For something not serious the decision should be easy. 1
RonaldS Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Still doesn't excuse your affair dude. If you were that miserable you should have left. You've obviously never been married with kids.
RonaldS Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I love the self-righteousness of the uninitiated. 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 You've obviously never been married with kids. No and I don't plan to lol
RonaldS Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 No and I don't plan to lol Well, let me clue you in...it's not like the relationships you've had. You don't just 'leave'. It is a million times more complicated than just breaking up with somebody. I'm not excusing anything I did. I took my lumps on this board for two years, and more importantly, in real life . I own that mistake. But the fact remains.....in my case, it didn't matter what I did or didn't do. The only thing that mattered was what my XW thought I did or didn't do. That became reality. All based on her instincts, which could not have been more off base. 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Well, let me clue you in...it's not like the relationships you've had. You don't just 'leave'. It is a million times more complicated than just breaking up with somebody. I'm not excusing anything I did. I took my lumps on this board for two years, and more importantly, in real life . I own that mistake. But the fact remains.....in my case, it didn't matter what I did or didn't do. The only thing that mattered was what my XW thought I did or didn't do. That became reality. All based on her instincts, which could not have been more off base. I am sorry you went through such a hard time. There must have been hints of what your ex W was like when you dated? In many ways I AM aware how complex marriage/kids deal is. That's why I don't think I am personally suited to it. 1
melell Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 My ex-wife had a gut instinct that I was cheating on her. She actually had dozens of these over the 11 years we were together. She snooped through everything she could snoop through, just couldn't find the evidence. But she swore up and down that I was up to something. She snooped and she snooped, she accused and she accused, she got mad at me for the affairs I was having in her head, and so on. Guess what? She finally ended up being right. At the end of our marriage I started having an emotional affair, in part because my relationship was so frigging miserable. Self-fulfilling prophecy. I think this is a really good point. We always go 'I was right!' when we suspect something and were right, but never seem to take much notice of all the times our 'instincts' were wrong. I remember doing a phil logic course when I first started uni and there were loads of examples of how fragmented the very idea is. I personally think it is more a case of anxiety than some kind of psychic intuition. 4
whichwayisup Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 It's not a single flash but a persistent feeling that something is "off" and you have a vague feeling of untrustworthiness. The person is denying it so direct communication is out. Snooping is also out because that's not the road you want to take and you also CBF gathering evidence. Curious of your thoughts on this. Never ignore that gut instinct, even more so if you feel you can't trust that person but can't figure out why. Chances are, they are players but hide it well or narcissists. 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Benefit of the doubt? HA! HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Without ridicule, I trust my intuition very much. Furthermore I rarely if ever seen the benefit of the doubt pay off and be proven otherwise in the end, sure it might work for a while but in the end, it'll get ya. Benefit of the doubt is almost like waiting by the chimney for Santa to come down..but as a grown adult, like maybe just maybe, if you put out a plate and cookies, he'll you'll see some big red butt cheeks wiggling down the chute. After all, who can say he exists for certain or not right? I mean gosh, why not find out for sure, right? it's that kind of thinking but in more practical situations that make you go back on your better senses, because you want to believe in something you already know in your gut isn't there or real. But you try to tell yourself maybe you're wrong, maybe you're being too critical...convince yourself because you want that temporary moment of unawareness but it's like you got a hair in the back of your throat the entire time you can't quite get rid of. The only time I see that initial "bad intuition" pay off is when you have some sort of impulsive irrational fear before you were actually placed within that situation..before you even had a chance to develop an intuition that you know nothing about but simply because of the nature of it or the situation itself makes you uncomfortable, but is more of an compulsive irrational fear. Otherwise, if you sync yourself up with reacting to your intuition, you'd be surprised the things you avoid before the blow up in your face and the better decisions you will make...and on the other hand, try making decisions based off of it as well, trusting yourself and your instincts when it's something positive too...if you can separate that wishful thinking from a gut intuition you make a lot of somewhat "crazy" decisions that end up being highly consistent, just based on this sixth sense...which is mostly in my mind a combination of experiences or subconscious understanding of the world around you and the people in it...there is a pattern to everything, even though you can't necessarily identify it and humans are never full proof in their deceit. 4
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Howdy ninja, you are such a ray of sunshine 1
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