Musing Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 My relationship with my ex was not a bad one, we hardly fought and we were both into each other. I posted a thread on it earlier in the BU forum. However, I am now dealing with anger and LOADS of deep seeded resentment I buried while I was with him, concerning someone else in the picture in the very beginning of our relationship. As well as things he didn't do that made me feel like I was nothing to him. I don't want to get into it because I am angry enough at the moment but some of it is in my original thread. But all things considered, I am not trying to deal with how to handle what he did, but rather how to cope as he is no longer in the picture. I've been feeling so frustrated, angry, helpless and upset that I can't voice all of this. That he must think he was a stand-up guy when he did have faults that screwed with me. But it's distancing me from the idea of him, so that's a bonus. I still feel so pent up and angry though that I'm beginning to scare myself a little. What do you guys do to cope with this rage-y feeling?
k10k Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Just enjoy the ride, it's a sign of recovery, and it'll pass soon enough..
Author Musing Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 It's a crazy one. I miss him. then I hate him, now it is back to missing him again. I have no idea how people can willingly just walk away
ayudorama Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 It's a crazy one. I miss him. then I hate him, now it is back to missing him again. I have no idea how people can willingly just walk away The world's greatest mystery. Perhaps I'm extremely naive but I really would like to know too because I honestly can't. Whenever those rage attacks come, I usually either vent by speaking to my mom (we're close) or I write it all out in my journal. Can totally relate with the rollercoaster of emotions you're experiencing now. It makes a person feel bipolar, ugh.
Author Musing Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 I am learning something through my fits of rage. Not just about the RS but how I think this stage should be used as a learning agent. And maybe I can share what I am thinking with anyone else currently in this and can come up with a good coping mechanism Say your ex is literally sitting on a pedestal. Like a statue. That's what we perceive, right? They can do no harm, they are amazing people who left us in pieces, right?? Okay. They dump us, we miss them, someone special just rode off into the sunset without us. It's sad, we want them, they are perfect...etc. But then in charges anger. Anger doesn't discriminate. EVERY ex gets to know angers wrath...even the seemingly great ones. And it all starts with one idea: "How could he/she hurt me like this? How could he/she just leave??" Now anger is like a pickaxe. Every time you feel anger for your ex, it's like it just took a chunk of your ex off of the pedestal. And it doesn't stop there...it keeps going. "How could he/she lie to me about xyz?! I bet he/she is seeing so and so!" And more and more of your ex's pretty little statue begins to crumble with that pickaxe. The rose colored glasses have just come off. All of these big accusations, or observations that we refused to face when we were with them are like a virus we are now purging. And they all just keep going. ..until eventually, the huge realizations stop and all that are left are small annoyances, like "ugh, and his/her breath always smelled bad" or "He/she couldn't drive right" or "and they never bothered to make dinner"...and the last little pieces of the statue are swept away. I feel like this is the crucial part of the process where our ex's go from being beautiful god-like statues, to human again. So for this I am thankful, because I am finally realizing how imperfect he was and how pretty soon, I'll drop my metaphorical pickaxe and be so tired from chipping away at what use to be a statue, that I won't even really care anymore. 2
Recommended Posts