dreamer08 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 One Saturday night my mom coerced me to go with her and my father to a health food store. While there I heard a guy laugh really loud and I turned and locked eyes with a guy. I couldn't see him all that well but I had an overwelming feeling to approach him and his friend but decided to ditch the idea. I wemt on my way and eventually caught up to my mom and to my surprise found her and this guy talking. As they talked I kept feeling him glance at me and before he left he handed my mom a business card. Long story short I got home and I sent him a message via facebook. He wrote me back and said he was glad I contacted him as I caught his eye right away and he had hoped I caugt on to his hint that it was me he was after which was why he was talking to my mon as he felt a need that he wabted to approach me but didn't know how else to go about it since I was with my parents. BTW,I'm 27 and he's 26. Anyway we began talking and set up a date for Thursday night. We met up for dinner and then he talked me into going back to his place to watch a comedy show. He said he wasn't tryong to get lucky but that he enjoyed his time with me. Well halfway into watching the show he starts making out with me heavily and I decided it was time to go home. Then on Sunday he picked me up and brought me to his place. We played some pool and then he made moves on me again and ultmatelt.led.me to his bedroom where he began to undress me. I did not want to get sexually axtive with this guy so soon and I ended up telling him that. So we talked in bed for awhile and then got up and ate. The rsst of the night we had some deep conversations and shared a lot of personal stuff about us. He then told me he wasn't sure if he saw chemistry with is but rather a best friend. I felt totally confused bc how he had been acting was not consistent with someone who wantd to be friends. He saw I didn't like that and we ended up talking an hour more where he ultmatelt decided he didn't want to lose me and that he was now interested ggain!!?? So we went out the next Tuesday and everything was all.lovey dovey and just a nice time. And then....that Thursday we go oit again. I went to his place to watch a movie and things turned physical again and this time we didn't stop. When we were done he was very cold to me and asked me to bring him back to his truck as I had picked him up. On the way back he told me he realized we were not a fit and that the lack of chemistry was obvious. He almost seemed mad. He said there were maby reasobs why he was no longer interested. He said though that he still wabted to be friends and talk and hang out. Its also important to mention that he is still grieving over an ex gf who he really loved. He talked about her quite a lot. She is now engaged and pregnant but I don't think he is quite over her. I'm left feelong like I don't know what in the heck happened!! He called me once since and will text me now and agaib and also told me where he is going on Saturday night and at what time. I don't get this guy or what is going on. What do you all think??
TXGuy Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Sorry to say that this guy might have gotten what he wanted and then moved on. I generally don't jump to that conclusion quickly, but the way you described this, tat is what it sounds like. 2
Author dreamer08 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Yes that's what I told him that he used me etc etc and he wrote me.all these long texts saying he did not use me for one thing least of all being sexual and that he didn't put all this effort in getting to know me for sex but that if I wanted he could give me the specifics as to why he realized we arent a fit which I never did bc I don't even care anymore at this point. He told me that he's a good guy and he doesn't deserve being accused of such a thing and that I'm just mad and saying stupid stuff bc he no longer feels how I feel and that he just feels there was no chemistry. Well chee for someone who felt there was no chemistry he sure went through a lot of trouble.....I don't buy it....
deathandtaxes Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 He got what he wanted. And now he doesn't want you anymore. It sucks. Don't give him the time of day. Delete him out of your life. 2
FitChick Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Basic lesson learned: don't go to a man's house or bring him to yours unless you plan to have sex. 5
Keke1 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Basic lesson learned: don't go to a man's house or bring him to yours unless you plan to have sex. Especially after the failed attempts. You ignored a red flag. When he told you about that best friend bull**** 2
ExpatInItaly Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Sorry OP, you got used for sex. He got it and now he doesn't want any more. You've only known this person a few days, and he said he saw you a best friend? Seriously? What a pile of crap! That's actually almost laughable; I hope you didn't really buy that. Next time, do NOT share personal info with someone you don't know. Don't go to their home. Delete this guy in any way you can and promise yourself never to contact him again - he is bad news. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Basic lesson learned: don't go to a man's house or bring him to yours unless you plan to have sex. I get where you're coming from to an extent, i.e. I'd never bring a guy back on a first date etc. but I think once you have met someone a few times, you can kinda sense whether or not you'll be able to hang out and watch a DVD at one of your houses without it turning into sex. It's more about self-control, the first time my current very very new boyfriend came over we got heavy making out but I made him go home. The second time, I went to his, and then went home even though he wanted me to stay. The next couple of times we slept over at mine but I told him straight once things got heavy that I wasn't into casual sex, and put the brakes on, and we just carried on enjoying the making out and then sleeping together. Only once he asked me out properly did we actually have sex. If you can communicate what you are/aren't looking for and you have the self-control to stop things from progressing to sex there's nothing wrong with hanging at your house once you've met enough times to feel somewhat safe, I think. But personally I wouldn't, until we'd been on at least a couple of dates. And even then, only if I REALLY like someone and can see it going somewhere. 1
Dogberry Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 1. The guy is mad because he wanted sex and you didnt give it out. 2. If you are looking for a relatilnship he isnt the one. 3. Please use paragraphs. 1
Poppygoodwill Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Yeah, he's an *sshole who wanted one thing. I'm sorry to say that I agree.....I think there's a lesson here to be learned about watching for signs. It's important not to be paranoid about men and think the worst of people, but generally, if a guy is rushing to spend time with me in private then dollars to donuts he's hoping sex will be on the agenda. Sounds a bit like you ignored your instincts and carried on even when the outcome might have been predicatble. So, lesson learned. Don't give him any more of your time. He's not worth it. 1
SunnySide0418 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 It seems pretty obvious he thought the sex sucked ..
HappyLove Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Sorry, he's a jerk. Your story read like one of those predictable movies. Guy meets girl brings to house.... You should of wrote in before your 2nd date we could have told you that guy was after one thing and once he got it he was gonna dump you. We've all been there. Chalk this up as lesson learned and DO NOT go over to a strangers house after only one date. He's a jerk there's nothing to figure out here. Take your power back by leaving this loser in the dust.
Phantom888 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 He wanted to make his "conquest", and as soon as he did, he couldn't wait to get out. This means one thing....he is all about the numbers. His ego made him pursue sex with you just so he can add +1 to his list, even though he was NOT ATTRACTED to you at all. This guy is insane.
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 You met a player . . . and got played. Sorry 1
Zahara Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 First lesson. No one can "force" you to go their home and watch a movie. That's a boundary failure that you need to work on. Second lesson: If you are not ready for sex, don't go to a man's house. He was annoyed you made him wait for sex. Then probably pretended to be upset and ended it because he had to be dramatic about how it isn't going to work out. He used you for sex. I'm sorry that you got involved with a jerk. 1
emva07 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 yeah.....just wanted sex, when you didn't put out he got super pissed that he wasted his time and money on something that didn't work out (prob used to wining and dining girls that put out on the first night or not and angry of it never working) then of course he was going to wipe his hands and deny those were his intentions. Flipping the table on you...it's YOUR fault I don't like you, even though it's obvious that he stopped liking you when you decided not to put out . Even throw in guilt trip in there so you might even change your mind and show him that you ARE worthy of him and show him This guy has anger issues, most guys who had the intention of bedding a girl after the first date and didn't simply don't call her again...not get angry and blame her and make her feel like crap.
Author dreamer08 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Thanks everyone. I do think he is insane. You should see all the long texts I got of him justifying all this and how he's rare and not like most guys, that sex just happened in the process of us getting to know each other. He said he has feelings for me and cares but a romantic pursuit coukd never work. He is whacked!
SJC2008 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 plausible deniability is fun... everyone knows what going back to someones' place means... especially at 27... this is called "buyers remorse" and victim card, blaming the guy... you chased him, he said ok free sex, got free sex and moved on One of the few times I agree with El Capitan. You're an adult and unless you're not playing with a full deck you knew what he was after and you gave it to him. I mean come on going back to his place on a first date and both dates afterward? Why did you go out with him again after he pulled the push pull crap on you? Guy's no angel, he read you like a book the minute he saw you but you're no damsel in distress, you wanted to hit the sheets and took a gamble at whether he'd stick around. The only one who's going to look out for you is you...
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