limberlost Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Who traveled first in you LDR? I've been in an LDR before, and he visited me the first time. Well... I've been talking with someone (both definitely interested) and we're about 7 hours away. It seems like he wants to meet up at a spot about 5-6 hours away from both of us. I'm just having a hard time gauging his interest, because I don't want to plan this if he's not really interested. My friends are telling me that he should visit first, but honestly I don't mind either way...
d0nnivain Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 If you like to travel & would otherwise be content entertaining yourself where he is or at a neutral location, it doesn't matter. The person who can afford it goes. Yes, it would be "ideal" if he came to her but the times they are 'a changing. Make decisions that ensure your own safety whatever you do.
FitChick Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 The man has always come to me first or paid for my plane ticket to him. If we met halfway we'd both drown or be eaten by sharks! 1
D-Lish Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Why wouldn't you meet 3 1/2 hours away at mid point instead of each travelling 6? 4
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I wouldn't matter to me who travels. Whatever is more convenient, it's not some power struggle. 4
Author limberlost Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Why wouldn't you meet 3 1/2 hours away at mid point instead of each travelling 6? The midway's quite rural, or I would suggest it. I think it will work out, planning it around an event I really want to go to anyway. 1
CalvinM Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 My parents live very close to where my lady friend lives, so I visited her first. I just planned to see my parents after/stayed over with them to make things easier.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Meet half way, that's what we did. Who traveled first in you LDR? I've been in an LDR before, and he visited me the first time. Well... I've been talking with someone (both definitely interested) and we're about 7 hours away. It seems like he wants to meet up at a spot about 5-6 hours away from both of us. I'm just having a hard time gauging his interest, because I don't want to plan this if he's not really interested. My friends are telling me that he should visit first, but honestly I don't mind either way...
justwhoiam Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Who traveled first in you LDR? He did, because he crossed the ocean... but I drove like 200 miles to reach a location near where he was. But in effect, he then took a taxi and came to me. we're about 7 hours away. It seems like he wants to meet up at a spot about 5-6 hours away from both of us. If you're 7 hours away, you could meet 3 hours away from you and 4 hours away from him. But for the first time, he should make an effort. I sort of agree with your friends. After the first time, you can agree more equal arrangements, if he's still interested. I'm oldfashioned. 1
erika2610 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I needed a get away, and he just so happened to live an hour away from Disney World. So I traveled first. Come to think of it, the only time he flew to see me was when he and his family picked me up to move me. Who traveled first in you LDR? I've been in an LDR before, and he visited me the first time. Well... I've been talking with someone (both definitely interested) and we're about 7 hours away. It seems like he wants to meet up at a spot about 5-6 hours away from both of us. I'm just having a hard time gauging his interest, because I don't want to plan this if he's not really interested. My friends are telling me that he should visit first, but honestly I don't mind either way... 1
Author limberlost Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 (edited) He did, because he crossed the ocean... but I drove like 200 miles to reach a location near where he was. But in effect, he then took a taxi and came to me. If you're 7 hours away, you could meet 3 hours away from you and 4 hours away from him. But for the first time, he should make an effort. I sort of agree with your friends. After the first time, you can agree more equal arrangements, if he's still interested. I'm oldfashioned. Yeah, that's honestly why I'm torn. I'm slightly on the old-fashioned side. Now if he were in school, or there was a reason he couldn't I wouldn't mind at all... but there isn't. We'd have to meet in the mountains, if we met halfway. Usually don't go hiking in the boonies on a first meeting. Edited February 7, 2014 by limberlost 1
liloldlady Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 My friends are telling me that he should visit first, but honestly I don't mind either way... Ignore your friends and go! I always travel to him. I enjoy it.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I don't get why men should be the one to do all the traveling the first time, unless it's for women who want to be on the safer side when they're meeting a man they've not before then fair enough. I just think men also like to see their (prospective) partner make some effort too, they need enthusiasm and to feel like we're making an effort for them too. 1
soccerrprp Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 It seems like he wants to meet up at a spot about 5-6 hours away from both of us. My friends are telling me that he should visit first, but honestly I don't mind either way... 5-6 hours away from both of you, so same inconvenience. Sounds reasonable. If you don't mind either way, what is the problem here? What is the dilemma? 1
justwhoiam Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I don't get why men should be the one to do all the traveling the first time, unless it's for women who want to be on the safer side That's it. I guess it's a good way to "skim" men. As they tend to take on any chance they get, having them making an effort is a good way to see how much they are interested. If they are meh about it, they won't get up their @ss and travel. It's a generalization, but you get quite a few out of the way like that. 1
Snipercatt Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Limber, it is difficult to gauge the validity of posters. For instance: "Ignore your friends and go! I always travel to him. I enjoy it." is from a poster that hasn't seen her "so-called lover" in 22 months. You can wonder how well that is working for her, right? JustWIA, hit it when she said it is a way to skim. Travel with no assumptions that anything will work out between you. Enjoy the time in the manner that you would choose and if he fits in, all the better. 1
liloldlady Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 hasn't seen her "so-called lover" in 22 months. You can wonder how well that is working for her, right? You can wonder if you want to, but we are taking the time to build something very meaningful, and after next month, have no intention of waiting two years between visits (I mentioned that on the phone the other day and he said no way, no way!). We have plans for March and April. I think the bottom line in terms of this thread is: every situation is different, and that one person does the majority of the traveling is no indication of a lack of interest (in some cases, at least).
HeavenOrHell Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 If you're wondering about the validity of my post, I first met my partner face to face nearly 4 years ago, we met on neutral ground, he was going to come and meet me (we're 800 miles apart, different countries) at my place but I felt more at ease meeting halfway at neither of our homes, although maybe I'm quite unique in that we'd booked a hotel, yes same room, for our first couple of nights before coming back to mine, to be on the safe side my friends knew where we were staying and they checked up on me. I'm really wary of men I don't know, so quite unusual I did this, but we'd talking on the phone and skype for 4 months and shared a lot, I had a good feeling about him. We meet up whenever we can, usually about every 7 weeks, but ranges from every 4 to 10 weeks. Limber, it is difficult to gauge the validity of posters. For instance: "Ignore your friends and go! I always travel to him. I enjoy it." is from a poster that hasn't seen her "so-called lover" in 22 months. You can wonder how well that is working for her, right? JustWIA, hit it when she said it is a way to skim. Travel with no assumptions that anything will work out between you. Enjoy the time in the manner that you would choose and if he fits in, all the better.
soccerrprp Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 I think the bottom line in terms of this thread is: every situation is different, and that one person does the majority of the traveling is no indication of a lack of interest (in some cases, at least). I'm in a LDR and do ALL the traveling. But, you better believe our relationship is ROCK SOLID. So, the imbalance in traveling does not necessarily indicate lack of interest by the person doing the lesser amount of traveling, but...... in the early stages of dating, it is reasonable to expect compromise and the OP was presented one. Same distance for both. As long as it is at a safe location, so be and the OP said that she was fine either way anyway. 1
HeavenOrHell Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 Reasonable to expect compromise even in long term r/ships Sure there are reasons, ie financial, health, flying phobia (I have that!), kids involved etc etc for one person to do most of the traveling, but I'd be miffed if there wasn't a good reason for me to always do the traveling, I like things to be two way/equal as much as possible. We share the traveling equally, but he'll help pay/pay if I'm struggling a bit as he's better off than me. I'm in a LDR and do ALL the traveling. But, you better believe our relationship is ROCK SOLID. So, the imbalance in traveling does not necessarily indicate lack of interest by the person doing the lesser amount of traveling, but...... in the early stages of dating, it is reasonable to expect compromise and the OP was presented one. Same distance for both. As long as it is at a safe location, so be and the OP said that she was fine either way anyway.
Snipercatt Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 he said no way, no way!). We have plans for March and April. You make my point regarding your validity. This is what you posted regarding the holidays, and January and February, prior to wondering, and researching divorce. I'd be miffed if there wasn't a good reason for me to always do the traveling, Good point.
liloldlady Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 You make my point regarding your validity. This is what you posted regarding the holidays, and January and February, prior to wondering, and researching divorce. Travel can be difficult during the holidays, Dec/Jan. Never had plans for February. And I love the way we address the rumor mill. Communication is important.
Author limberlost Posted February 10, 2014 Author Posted February 10, 2014 Appreciate the perspectives. I don't have a problem meeting half-way, or further. As long as I feel he's really interested, and it's should be a fun trip anyway, so I'll probably end up planning on going without any expectations. I think the main issue wasn't travel, but making sure I'm not doing the initial chasing. In my experience, that never really works out. (I'm sure there exceptions, but typically not in my case.)
liloldlady Posted February 10, 2014 Posted February 10, 2014 and it's should be a fun trip anyway, so I'll probably end up planning on going without any expectations. There you go! Now you're talking! Enjoy yourself! Don't worry. If you have an itinerary, the only thing your chasing is a pleasant vacation travel
Els Posted February 11, 2014 Posted February 11, 2014 My guy traveled to me first, but IMO a halfway meetup is as good as any. And yes, in case you were wondering about 'validity', we did LD for 2 years and then transitioned successfully into living together. Although I don't see why folks' viewpoints would be less 'valid' if they haven't seen their partner for a long time, but I digress.. The main point is that you should just do whatever YOU feel comfortable with, not what your friends want you to do.
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