Weezy1973 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Hello LSers! I have been dating a woman that I met on eHarmony for the past month and a half. We have very similar values, similar relationship goals, common interests, and are remarkably compatible in many ways. There also seems to be mutual attraction, which is nice. However; she has admitted to me that she has a hard time trusting men due to issues with her dad and also a man she dated in the past (about five years). Her longest "relationship" is four months - which to me is a flag. The problem being (of course) is that I quite like her. So I would LOVE advice from women who had trust issues in the past and have overcome it, or those that are currently struggling with it. What is the best way for me to approach this? Are there certain things I should know? Or is it best to just get out now while I'm not all that attached?
Keenly Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 If her longest relationship is four months, I'm wondering how the relationship of going to be later on. I'd be concerned too if I were you. But in my opinion, trust issues die really hard, and are very easy to push some one away with. 1
GoreSP Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 I don't get trust issues. Sure - I've dated a few guys that turned out to be pricks but it doesn't mean every guy out there is out to get me… Why make a possibly nice person for someone else's wrongdoings? bleh
Author Weezy1973 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 If her longest relationship is four months, I'm wondering how the relationship of going to be later on. I'd be concerned too if I were you. But in my opinion, trust issues die really hard, and are very easy to push some one away with. I agree - but I should mention - it's not like she is ignorant of the fact. She has been going to therapy and is very open and honest about everything. She has even told me some of her defense mechanisms - that's actually why I'm looking to continue with her. If she didn't acknowledge her issues, I would definitely move on quickly...
Sunfire73 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Well, she has to find ways herself to overcome them. And if she does her part then sure, you can help her. But to bring the burden to you solely is not fair. That is going to be difficult. If you feel like you're going to walk on eggshells, and always make her feel safe and loved and show affection just for her to trust you all the time, then it will be tiring. Like I said, if she is finding ways to heal her past issues, then good. 1
Author Weezy1973 Posted February 7, 2014 Author Posted February 7, 2014 Well, she has to find ways herself to overcome them. And if she does her part then sure, you can help her. But to bring the burden to you solely is not fair. That is going to be difficult. If you feel like you're going to walk on eggshells, and always make her feel safe and loved and show affection just for her to trust you all the time, then it will be tiring. Like I said, if she is finding ways to heal her past issues, then good. True - I can see that get tiring. I'm not looking to "save" her. I will admit that it's been a long time since I've met someone that ticked all the boxes, so I might be a bit eager here. Just because someone ticks all the boxes attraction wise doesn't mean they would be good relationship material...
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