Should I bother or move on?

[Moe96]

Hello everyone! New member on these forums and have an issue.

 

So I'm a junior in highschool and this was my first girlfriend and my first everything sexually. So here's a little backstory leading to the breakup. So me and my ex were great until our 2 years hit(As far as i know). She asked if i was smoking weed and i couldn't lie to her and said yes. Since then we were on and off and I just didn't give a crap and kept doing it still. I had a hidden agenda and never kept her posted and just messed everything up. I never did the small things that would make her happy for example: I never got her anything for valentines. No card nothing. I really had no clue I had to do that. I never had any experience in a relationship. Didn't look like i cared for her at all when I did but just never showed it. That's partly the reason why im not over her. She was unhappy for awhile and finally had the last straw and broke up with me. She told me the relationship was nothing but wasted time and I had betrayed her. She had no feelings for me and said we could still be friends(BAD IDEA)... now the 3 months post breakup.

 

The 3 months I kept telling her I wouldn't ever give up on us and all that told her i loved her with all my heart. She told me she doesn't know what to say and it really does mean alot to her that I love her as much as i do, but i don't know. We were still going to junior prom as just friends and I thought to myself "Great! I can try and get her back at prom" don't ever think ahead, another bad idea. well the course of these past few weeks I would tell her I want to be friends, then don't want to be friends and all this stuff. My mind was really messed up and I was very lost. On Christmas i got her a card and she really liked it alot and she told me it made her tear up and made her happy at the same time. A few days after that we we're texting and all her texts we're one sentences and I had to keep the conversation going all the time. That got me angry and felt like she was resisting the only person who would ever care for her as much in highschool. So I blew my gasket yelled at her and all that, freaked out on twitter made dumb angry tweets that I didn't mean(deleted them all shortly after). Well after I calmed down, i apologized to her and said I didn't mean to get mad and your not the doing the pushing it's me. I thought she accepted my apology but the entire week she was angry at me and told me in school that i'm not being your friend, im ending it and we're not going to prom and there's no future for us and we had more bad memories then good and I don't want anything to do with you. She also said that I don't think of you at all in my day and it's a relief because you were toxic to me. That happened all in the course of 3 months. She's completely over me and she's talking to a new guy and they might possibly be going out. I've completely accepted the fact it was my fault the relationship ended the way it ended and accepted that it's over and I have to move on. But the annoying thing is that I'm not over it. I don't break down crying or feel sad. I still sleep normally and eat and can do everyday tasks but I still have these lingering thoughts of her that just don't go away and when I'm home and not going out my thoughts of her just eat me alive and I just feel down and want her back and all that. I know for a fact she's over me is because she deleted all the pictures of us on her instagram, and she took off my ring i gave her when we first started dating and made a tweet saying "I'm happy". I removed her on Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram so i don't have to see anything to help me get over her but I still think of her atleast a few times everyday. Another thing is that we were best friends before we were lovers so that took a hit on me too.

 

She also said after we broke up that she'll forgive but won't forget. Now as of right now i'm not contacting her. I ignore her in school and don't make eye contact or hunt her out in a crowd. I'm honestly okay without her. I'm smiling im laughing I feel confident and all that jazz. It's more of a I want her in my life. I don't need her to live my life. Her birthday is also in 3 days. Should I even bother sending her a happy birthday text? I'm not expecting anything out of it, more as to show her no matter what I'll always love her and care unconditionally and out of respect. I'll be honest. I was a terrible boyfriend. I lied, didn't show her that I cared, did my own thing. One thing I never did was cheat never could i ever do that. I'm surprised we lasted as long as we did. Now I understand what I did wrong, I'm improving on all of it not to show her(She said she doesn't care what I am now anyhow) but just so I'm a better person overall.

 

I know time heals, but it doesn't mean it'll end with reconciliation. I just want LS opinion on my situation, Move on completely and leave her in the past like she did with me, or try again later in the future once the dust has settled. Start from scratch with a friendship and see what goes from there.

Edited February 7, 2014 by Moe96

[lucky_penny]

I think you have a good head on your shoulders. You realize that you want her, but that you don't NEED her. You are also taking what went wrong and learning from your mistakes to be a better person overall. I must say that at your age and for it being your first everything, you're doing pretty well!

 

I think you guys need time apart. Don't contact her, but if you see her around just be polite but don't go out of your way to talk to her or have long conversations. If she wants you back, she'll make it known. And if she does, you guys need to talk about what went wrong. To truly have a second chance, you need to discuss how you are both feeling and how you BOTH can make it better the second time around. Realize that it takes TWO people to make a relationship and although you feel like things were all your fault, that may not be entirely true. And if the things she said after the breakup were hurtful to you, don't ignore that - tell her how it made you feel. Think about what you want from her and your relationship.

[Letmeknow]

I wouldn't text her on her birthday. She probably won't respond and even if she does it will be "Thanks!" or something short of that nature. It is hard to get over someone...im going through it right now. You have to try and act like she is not on your mind at all and keep not contacting her like you have been. If she loved you, eventually she will miss you. She didn't mean it when she said she doesn't think about you and she probably put "I'm happy" on twitter just to get under your skin. I know it is hard to no contact but that is best. Don't text her anything. Itll only make it harder on you. Good luck

[Moe96]

I wouldn't text her on her birthday. She probably won't respond and even if she does it will be "Thanks!" or something short of that nature. It is hard to get over someone...im going through it right now. You have to try and act like she is not on your mind at all and keep not contacting her like you have been. If she loved you, eventually she will miss you. She didn't mean it when she said she doesn't think about you and she probably put "I'm happy" on twitter just to get under your skin. I know it is hard to no contact but that is best. Don't text her anything. Itll only make it harder on you. Good luck

 

Thank you both for your responses. maybe she'll come back maybe she won't only time will tell. And i'll still text her happy birthday, just out of respect. I know the relationship is beyond dead. If we ever got back together I don't even want it to be our old one. We both need alot of growing to do. I defintely feel alot better then the first 2 months. I was an absolute wreck the first 2 months. and you're very right. It's incredibly hard to move on. That emotional attachment is incredibly hard to get rid of. Especially when the person was your best friend. I was super close with the family too. But I don't think she'll miss me. This is the final text she sent before i completely started no contact. I think you'll guys change your mind after reading this.

 

"You need to stop. There is no us. There is only me and there is only you. I don't care what you are now. I don't think about you at all in my day and it's a relief. You were toxic to me. We had bad times more than good. Please do not text me anymore from time to time. This is done and I'm finishing it. I don't want any of this. And I don't want to go to prom anymore. I apologize for ever deciding to be your friend afterwards. I wish I hadn't because you've only stressed me more. There is no future for us. Goodbye."

 

Pretty cold right? I completely understood why she said that. I was being a desperate moron! I'll be honest i completely flipped out after reading that on her and probably pushed her away even more. But i'm not apologizing to her because that's too selfish. I'll let time do the forgiving.

[Moe96]

Just an update, I didn't wish her happy birthday because the more I thought about it, the more useless it would be. She probably expected me not wishing her a happy birthday, but who knows. I still miss her alot and today kinda sucks but I've been mostly getting my mind off it. Moving on is alot harder then it seems.

[Moe96]

My bestfriend is in a relationship with my Ex's little sister and my ex asked him what happened to my car (long story short don't speed and get your license suspended) but he told her what happened and she basically laughed about it. Does that mean she still thinks about me or was just curious about me?

[Toddbt12y1]

Your best friend probably just reminded her. Though, who could rule out anything? If I were you. I wouldn't let this lil gem build any hopes of anything...might lead to disappointment. But who knows?

 

I'd stop contact and information though, you both seem young. Needn't contact and information will only keep you down on this lady.

[Moe96]

You're very right. I should stop getting information but I don't know why. I'm a very curious person. And yeah we are very young and very unexperienced. I still have slight hope in getting back together. But nothing to act upon. I'm don't pursuing her and just letting time heal. And that's what I was thinking to. My friend just reminded her.

[Moe96]

Well I'm not worrying about a second chance anymore seeing as my ex is already dating a new person 3 months later. Wish I could say it was a rebound but she has well moved on and I haven't. Now time to figure out how to move on.