Was he going to propose? Think i may have put my foot in it..

[kellkell]

Boyfriend and I have been together for quite a while and have spoken about marriage before.

 

Suddenly last night,while on the phone the topic came up. He's spoken about buying me a ring before but i thought nothing of it.

 

Last night,i said goodnight then called him back. Told him there was something i wanted to ask him. I had just previously told him about my parents engagement story and he had an odd reply.

 

I call him back and said 'there's something i want to ask you' he said 'you want to get engaged?'.

 

I said no,i was just going to ask if you ever wanted too. To which he replied,yes of course.

 

He went on to say about how he wants to 'when the time is right' i joked and said yeah in about ten years! He replied 'No,when the time is right. Just trust me'.

 

He's been saving for something and won't tell me what. Now on the phone tonight,i just said to him i was just being silly last night. He got upset. I got confused and said to him 'whats wrong? you weren't planning it or anything were you,i was just being silly'. He got completely upset. Replied about how i can't ask that sort of question and said i didn't have a clue. He then made his excuses and put the phone down. Ive tried calling him two hours later. His completely angry and barked 'i didnt want to get engaged to you anyway' and slammed the phone down.

 

 

 

Am i being naive? I was being light hearted when we spoke of it. I didn't think he meant it?

 

I am happy either way,i don't need/want to be engaged and have put no pressure on him to ask.

[d0nnivain]

It is only a week from Valentine's Day.

 

 

If he was planning something I think you might have spooked him. However, I think it's an easy fix. Next time you see him in person give him a wonderful kiss hello. Be extra affectionate.

 

 

Work the conversation around to I didn't want you to think I was pressuring you for a ring. You are absolutely right. When the time is right, it would be wonderful to get engaged. Do not get more specific. Do not go into details.

[Keenly]

In my opinion, when women put on the pressure and start fishing for it, it completely ruins the moment, the spontaneity , and the enjoyment men get out of this.

 

 

It becomes less of a special surprise and more of a daunting chore.

 

 

Be patient. Stop asking about it. Trust him.

[Eivuwan]

um, I'm confused. It sounds like he wanted to propose to you and you basically rejected him. So yeah he's hurt.

[Eivuwan]

In my opinion, when women put on the pressure and start fishing for it, it completely ruins the moment, the spontaneity , and the enjoyment men get out of this.

 

 

It becomes less of a special surprise and more of a daunting chore.

 

 

Be patient. Stop asking about it. Trust him.

 

Honestly, it sounds like he wants to get married more than she does.

[d0nnivain]

um, I'm confused. It sounds like he wanted to propose to you and you basically rejected him. So yeah he's hurt.

 

 

I don't see that she rejected him as much as she may have ruined his surprise.

[soccerrprp]

Am i being naive? I was being light hearted when we spoke of it. I didn't think he meant it?

 

I am happy either way,i don't need/want to be engaged and have put no pressure on him to ask.

 

Well, I don't buy that you feel that the subject is "light." I think it's very important to you and would be very happy if it happened sooner than later.

 

I am not certain, but why did you minimize the importance of such an event? I can only imagine that you were protecting yourself emotionally by "sounding" like you were not that concerned about it. You know, just in case....or thinking that you were not adding pressure, but instead made your bf feel that the event is not that important to you....

 

Anyway, he may have had plans to ask you on Valentines. He may be upset that you ruined his surprise (not so sure of this).

 

My gf and I have been talking too. My plan was to do it on Valentines, but decided not to. I want to surprise her, so I have now decided to do it some time before the summer. I just hope she (my gf) wasn't expecting something on Valentine's day.

 

Just leave it alone. Let him think it through. The tough part for you is to wrap any significance to an engagement for Valentine's day. If you are okay as things are now, then be prepared not to get that ring then. I hope you are indeed fine as things are now.

[Eivuwan]

I don't see that she rejected him as much as she may have ruined his surprise.

 

She apparently doesn't care one way or another and told him that she was kidding when talking about the engagement. This makes it seem like she didn't really want to get married.

[Zahara]

I think the boyfriend is taking your callous and somewhat indifferent responses as you not being as invested as he is. He's saying all the right things, doing all the right things but you self-sabotage and are passive.

 

Even before you can tell him what you need to say, he brings up engagement. A clear sign it is on his mind and he is thinking of it too. He assures you he wants to get engaged when the time is right (I'm thinking he wants it to be a surprise and a cue that you need to stop pressing) then you make a passive comment about it being in 10 years. He assures you it will happen when the time is right.

 

Then you self-sabotage and get passive again the next day with the I was just being silly, you weren't really planning anything were you? . It's like you can't shut up.

 

You pretend like you're oh so casual about it -- don't need to be engaged -- your passiveness clearly shows otherwise. Let the man do what he needs to do and stop self-sabotaging.