Violett Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Both men & women....please respond with your opinions and examples: I'm thinking of the word "lame". What does this word mean to you in a relationship? It could be any type of example.
songbird Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Are you saying he is pathetically lacking in force or effectiveness? If so in what areas are you speaking? Songbird
Author Violett Posted January 17, 2005 Author Posted January 17, 2005 Yes...that sounds about right. In what areas? well... -showing emotion like caring, when it was needed most. -showing consideration for feelings other than his own first. -lacking conviction behind his words. -when explained to about why things are upsetting, in a calm, caring matter, just doesn't "get it". -acting/being distant and cold when you think he should be just the opposite, considering how he said he felt about me. (which by the way was extremely intense and he told me all the time!)
LucreziaBorgia Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 Lame? Here's a few 'lame factors' in a relationship for me: 1. Selfish demands on my time. 2. Holds me completely responsible for his happiness and well being. 3. Expects everything, gives nothing. 4. Jealous and untrusting because of his own poor self esteem. 5. Refusal to compromise. 6. Sexually incompatible, with no attempts at compromise or experimentation. 7. Meeting of his needs at the expense of my own. 8. Nothing in common. That's not to say that the person is lame himself - just in the context of a relationship with me. One person's 'lamer' can be another person's 'Mr. Right'. Maybe you and your guy just aren't compatible emotionally or mentally in the ways that you need to be in order to have each other's needs met fully?
HeartSprinkles Posted January 17, 2005 Posted January 17, 2005 I don't think that this EX of yours sounds good to anyone. He sounds more like he is selfish than lame. I think you should kick his butt out of your mind!!!
songbird Posted January 18, 2005 Posted January 18, 2005 We stay with men for all types of reason, his personality that he is expressing did not just start, these were things that was overlooked in the beginning. You see them now as his faults. Question? are you trying to change him? If that's the case then you are on the wrong road. The advice I have for you is from the famous words of JM, DEAL WITH IT OR LEAVE IT ALONE.... that is the choice we have with everything in life. I find that men can dish it out, but find it hard to deal with when it comes their way. That is why they throw the fits that they throw. So I say this you can not change him, the only one that will change is you. If he changes it will be his own doing, not yours. Yes, he seems to be more selfish then anything, those type of men like to play mind games. (so be careful not to fall for anything). Selfishness comes from childhood. he has been this way a very long time. (and it is no doubt) he has been getting his way. I am not trying to male bash , but treat him the way he treats you and when he has a problem with it, just tell him that you are just following his lead,( and believe me he will have a problem with it) ...Remember this is your life too... don't let him captivate it with his inmatural ways, live your life and free your mind. When you have your heated discussion, (as long as there heated) don't speak, when they cool off then talk. be expressionless, men hate that. Why? because they can't read you. Stop letting him know that he has the control....you keep the control, just let him think that he has it. A wise man once told me that, if He has the mind everything else will follow . He was right ...so now I find that, that philosophy is so true. I give it to you ..so use it. when you do( use it), you will soon find out that it makes you feel better. like the old saying goes try it, you'll like it. Songbird
Author Violett Posted January 18, 2005 Author Posted January 18, 2005 Thanks guys for your input! It's much appreciated!!!! The thing is I'm feeling like crap now because I did fall for it's "mind games" & him. I know it is my own fault too because I chose to "justify" the warning signs in the beginning & throughout. I should know better. Also, towards the end I handled it poorly! Songbird, you are so right about staying calm. I know this and I knew it then, but I just lost it anyway! ( I did show him he had the control (at least at that time) when I let my emotions run wild. I obviously do not have the self-esteem I thought I had to let myself fall in love w/someone who could not return it. I once again, fell for the "words" I wanted to hear, and kept making excuses for the "actions" or lack of. Thanks again guys for the great advice....hope to hear more from anyone!
songbird Posted January 19, 2005 Posted January 19, 2005 The first step is that you have admitted and accepted the responsibility on where you feel that you have went wrong. Secondly, you must realize that we sometimes have no control over where our hearts travel, but once our mind and heart is on the same accord they can assist each other in being more of a logical player instead of a emotional one. Third, DON'T, don't feel bad about anything that you do or have done when it come to you. Why? You have to protect yourself, Remember it's not the fact of spilling the milk, it's how we get it up that counts. Fourth, just think if he upsets your emotional boundaries, then he is not the one ( or maybe I should rephrase that ,"YOU" are not the one for him ). meaning Love yourself "Don't allow drama makers, controlling, demanding, needy, toxic people to consume your energy, your joy, peace, happiness and most of all your precious and value time. They are not deserving of it. These type of people are out for themselves. They are not thinking of your feelings at all. Inspire yourself to not just get through it, but to grow from it." words of Jewel D Taylor The scale will remain unbalance if the relationship stays the way it is and because of that, you will always feel like crap. He will have a smile while he is doing whatever it is that he wants to do, while you are at home moping. Listen, If you want to continue to see him, weigh your options what about him is good and what about him is bad or what about the relationship is good or what is bad.. do the comparison and decided from there. Like I said before this is not going to happen over night, nor is it going to be easy, because it's not his decision...but you decide, if the answer is continue, and he still wants to play games ....then play by your own terms, not his. Make availability sparingly, you don't have to tell him, what you are doing, (believe me he will notice). once you have gained the control back that belongs to you, then you will be wearing the smile. in silence because remember always stay expressionless. Not saying be mute, but don't allow him to get full off of your plate. Take your mind back and use it to your advantage, Meaning: Learn to love, appreciate and understand yourself... you are complete, whole and enough for any man... Whether you are in a relationship or not. once you have determined "Who you are" then your KING will seach and find you to be his QUEEN, and you will be deserving of each other. You are in my prayers... kmp SongBird
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