Never Again Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Gotta love the internet. Everyone reads between the lines of a quickly written wall of text and decides they know EXACTLY how the OP must be feeling or what he means, and then quickly take polarizing points of view. We've got: - OP's immature and taking the easy way out - Breaking up is the best option because...something Honestly, it could be both or neither. We're operating on very little information here. OP, there are several things to consider: 1.) How well do you know your current girlfriend? How well do you know this other girl? 2.) How compatible are you with your girlfriend? How compatible are you with this other girl? 3.) How are YOUR conflict resolution skills? You mention fights with your current girlfriend, but how much do you contribute to them? How much do you contribute to trying to resolve them? Two big questions: 4.) Did you have those "sparky" feelings for your current girlfriend when you began dating her? 5.) Are the fights and conflicts the major reasons for your unhappiness, lack of passion, and wanting to leave? 4 & 5 are HUGE things to reflect on, and make sure you're being honest with yourself. These are things to consider because your current situation with your girlfriend might actually be PUSHING you to a "shinier" option. I'm not suggesting you stay with your girlfriend...that's for you to decide. However, dating this new girl may not be the best option. Right now she's the greener grass, the "new spark". She represents a new "honeymoon period" and a relationship the COULD be free from conflict. My personal recommendation would be to have a very frank conversation with your girlfriend that things just aren't working out for you right now. If she wants to do something about it, hear her out...but it's YOUR call if you want to end it. And then...be SINGLE for awhile. Do not just start dating this new girl. You don't have to avoid her and can feel free to be social and flirty, but I'd avoid any real moves forward for awhile. You need some time on your own to not only process the relationship you're ending, but to ensure that you'd be getting into a new relationship for the RIGHT reasons.
David87 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 (edited) Dude come on you didn't even had sex with your gf and you are looking to hook up with your "mistress". Show a little calss. Go buy some flowers a nice bottle of champagne and make love to her, then if you don't like it break up with her. I mean give the girl a chance before dumping her!!! AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO THINKS THIS WAY??? Edited February 7, 2014 by David87
Mariposa10 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Ugh, you shouldn't have flirted in the first place... I don't like people who do stuff like this (I'm not trying to be mean) I hope I will never be in your place. Moral of the story: next time, do not have a relationship with someone you can't even picture yourself having sex with. Keep us posted. And yes, of course end things with your gf ASAP.
Never Again Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Ugh, you shouldn't have flirted in the first place... I don't like people who do stuff like this (I'm not trying to be mean) I hope I will never be in your place. Moral of the story: next time, do not have a relationship with someone you can't even picture yourself having sex with. Keep us posted. And yes, of course end things with your gf ASAP. I read this whole thread and somehow missed the OP's sentence about NEVER wanting to have sex with his girlfriend. I rescind almost all of my previous post...because I can't read. While I think that sexual chemistry CAN be created and maintained if you find a good fit...it takes work and effort and the OP just never seemed interested in that. OP, you did lead this girl on. 5 months isn't a long time to be with someone, but when you identified your lack of sexual attraction towards her...you had the choice to try to build that passion, or leave. You seem to have chosen option #3, which was do nothing and be comfortable. By leaving the relationship you're in for this other girl, you're following your dick. That's pretty much what it comes down to. Nothing really wrong with that, but there's a HUGE problem here: You allowed yourself to be in a relationship with someone you weren't really into UNTIL you found someone else. Yes, there still are some conflict resolution issues at play on your girlfriend's part (and maybe yours too), but can you blame her for being moody when she probably feels that you're not really into her? If you don't feel like it's worth it to try and build chemistry with your girlfriend...leave her. But then stay single for awhile. I stand by that part of my last post, which was lacking information and incredibly misguided (I'm DUMB). By letting yourself get wrapped up in comfort until something better came along, you're throwing up some red flags in my head. Where you not comfortable being on your own? Do you know what you REALLY want out of a relationship? tl;dr: I'm dumb, OP seems confused, I'm still dumb
pickflicker Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 The way I look at it, the OP did not ask how he could save his relationship. He asked for pointers on how to break up with her. Don't judge him because he wants to end it, just tell him how to do the deed.
Sandy99 Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 The way I read the OP's post was that he was trying to be brutally honest, and couldn't quite figure out which direction to take because he was basically inexperienced. I am not hurt, as somebody above said. I was simply being frank with this kid. And yes, I still think the way he said he might go about things is like a text book example of how to hurt your last girlfriend, and create a new relationship that is doomed to fail. So if that sounds like fun to the OP, then have at it.
Author BurnTheBuddha Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 Thank you all for so much help. I didn't expect so much good advice, this being the internet and all (lol). To be clear though, I didn't mind the no sex thing and it was just a detail I felt had some relevance. I mean, I wasn't just looking to get laid or anything. So today I saw my gf, I had met up with her after she left work and I walked her to her car (she drove after all). I told her that I know she is mad at me and I know things haven't been so great between us lately. I mentioned how I haven't been fair with her and it's my fault. I mentioned how we fight and I had given "Us" a lot of thinking. I said I didn't want to be unfair to her anymore and she deserves someone better and who knows what they want. We brought up our big fight over new years and how it made both of us feel. I told her I wanted to be honest and stop holding back my feelings from her. I said how different we are and we should not do this anymore. She asked "so does this mean we are done?" I paused and finally just said "Yes". She said "ok, fine" and walked away quickly in the direction of her car. She had no more questions and didn't break down in front of me. So the whole ordeal only lasted about the time it takes to walk two blocks as that's how far we had walked. I felt guilty afterwards, I still do actually. I probably will for a while. I feel it needed to be done though and hopefully we can become friends later on down the line. Some of her things and bathroom stuff is still at my place. I'm not sure if I should wait to see if she wants it still, she probably wants nothing to do with me for a while. I'll just keep them packed away for her if she ever needs them back. I just hope she has a great rest of her life and hopefully doesn't hate me forever. And I'm sorry if I offended anyone or made you angry. I know I'm a screw up and I probably deserve to be alone forever, but such is life I guess. This experience has taught me a lot and now I know what it's like to be on the delivering end of this situation as I have always been on the receiving end.
Musing Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 And I'm sorry if I offended anyone or made you angry. I know I'm a screw up and I probably deserve to be alone forever, but such is life I guess. No man, you can't think like this. You're not a screw up. If you were a screw up, you'd keep this girl in an unhappy relationship out of pity. If you were a screw up, you'd lie to her and keep her on a string. If you were a screw up, you'd cheat on her with the other girl because you were too cowardly to break up with her. You let her go to find someone who will genuinely have feelings for her. She will probably be upset at you, but it'll fade in time. You know what you are? You are human. You are a work in progress and you're learning. But a screw up? Nah. You'll both be fine, promise.
Author BurnTheBuddha Posted February 8, 2014 Author Posted February 8, 2014 No man, you can't think like this. You're not a screw up. If you were a screw up, you'd keep this girl in an unhappy relationship out of pity. If you were a screw up, you'd lie to her and keep her on a string. If you were a screw up, you'd cheat on her with the other girl because you were too cowardly to break up with her. You let her go to find someone who will genuinely have feelings for her. She will probably be upset at you, but it'll fade in time. You know what you are? You are human. You are a work in progress and you're learning. But a screw up? Nah. You'll both be fine, promise. Thank you so much for your kind words. You made me feel better about this situation. I guess it isn't the end of the world or anything, she probably will be over it sooner than I think.
charliemorgan Posted February 8, 2014 Posted February 8, 2014 According to me,Everyone has problems. Not to say they don't have a great relationship but I'm sure they have had their ups and downs. Everyone does. If someone says they have the perfect relationship then they are either delusion or lying. Do you really think since you are her ex you would get the truth? Why wouldn't she say everything is perfect.
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