Another Affair?

[XenoMouse]

I just wanted to post this to see what others think as im wondering if ive been dumped so that my xMW could start another affair. May be a bit lengthy but i just want to get all the facts out there so that you all can have them.

 

Basically after her second DDay at the end of last april we stopped communicating but within two weeks we were back to talking again. By this point i was let go of by the place where we both worked and a new kid began working there. It seems like everytime we spoke she would bring his name up in some way, from saying you guys wouldve been best friends to he makes me laugh so much. During this time she would not let us go all the way, we'd meet up and i'd kiss her and we'd talk but at this point she was wearing two rings, one on each hand, one was obviously her wedding ring and the other she didnt want to talk about, im assuming it was some kind of promise ring between her and her H.

 

So we keep this up for about two weeks back and forth and one day we finally go all the way. Afterwards she just sat there in silence and muttered "im a horrible person" i attempted to console her but i dont kno if it made any difference. Thru the day we're texting happy things back and forth then she tells me that this kid (who has to be with her all day because she was training him) saw some of the hickeys i left and wouldnt drop it and it was making her blush and when he said they actually looked like choke marks she said she started blushing even harder. Was she blushing because she was embarrassed and giddy or because she had feelings for him??? Then she tells me that she had a stick that she used to spank herself with just for fun and that while she was training him she would make him guess which cheek she was hitting. I knew she was a flirt and overtly sexual as we used to do the same kinda thing but i was like wtf we just hooked up this morning and all your talking about is this kid.

 

The weekend goes by and then she says she feels so guilty for hooking up with me that we have to be friends and nothing more. So back at square one us meeting up in the morning and playing give and take, all the while she's got her promise ring and wedding ring on. Then in late may she tells me that there are rumors of her sending pics to this new guy at work when i ask her if its true she says no way, then one day when we're discussing one of her pics she pipes oh thats the pic i sent him. I was upset but she told me she was just joking and there was nothing to worry about, but then later she grills me on whether i would show any pics of her to the lead gossiper that was spreading these rumors which made me think is this what happened did this kid show this pic and thats how it started.

 

I started suspecting that she might be hooking up with this new kid but everybody told me that if she was conducting multiple affairs and she was just a player getting sex everywhere she wouldnt hold back she'd just hook up with you as usual. Unless maybe she was feeling us both out at the same time? So we keep this up for a about a week then one friday she said we should stop meeting up all together because we werent behaving and then called me over to her house to get everything started up full force that same afternoon, she said that she was thinking of inviting me over the night before but the guilt got to her so she tried to break it off in the morning, only to give in and invite me over later. Does that make any sense???

 

Im trying not to make this long but its such a crazy story...

 

Anyway the following monday voila breaks up with me again because of sounds her comp made while i was messaging her. The usual this is crazy, im done routine. Within a week we're talking again and no matter what we always talk before and after work. But one day she said she didnt want to talk at all because it was too relationshipy and then disappeared during our hook up time and then promptly reappeared when it was over. The next time it happened she did the same thing and didnt explain it at all even though i bugged out. This whole time when we'd meet up she'd do the usual you chase me routine, which was always intermingled with intermittent nastiness whenever her guilt would pop up and ppl are still telling me if she's hooking up with this kid she wouldnt play games and say she's feeling guilty she'd just do you both when she could. We finally hook up again (on the same day this kid was leaving her shift for the overnight one) and afterwards we have a two hour discussion on how she doesnt want to go back to being confused and the guilt and how she felt like a bad person for cheating on her husband. I tried to be slick and say ur not a bad person just a bad girl...dumb move i know...and it backfired...she said well what if your morning suspicions are tru? when i asked if they were she said yes but then took it all back saying she just wanted to make me feel how her husband would feel if he found anything out. Also her husband is a teacher and its now summer vacation so its almost impossible for her to make any moves. just texting me was super risky.

 

Still now in my mind its solidified that she's up to something even if she wasnt. too many pieces are fitting into place. We start back up our A officially thru the end of june everything was normal. Then we had a good opportunity to spend sometime together but she says she cant because she wants to leave for a vacation to see her friend early. Her husband wasnt home that night and she was driving down with her mother. I only got a few texts from her although she initiated convo and then radio silence late at nite which she had never done. Then the next day she ignored my texts completely. On her way back we talked the whole time. Then the next day she seemed as if she didnt want to talk at all. Then the following day she texts and says no more talking for the weekend, that she left work early (which she NEVER EVER does) then she disappears at the exact time of our post work hook up. So i bug out and break our cardinal rule of not texting over the weekend and tell her that i cant handle the games and personality shifts and she says if you dont like it its over. Then on monday i tell her just tell me if your hooking up with someone else and she says shes done with everything that its too much. She said she ignored my messages about someone new because it seems like no matter what she says i believe what i want anyway and that it was fun but now its over and that she never hooked up with anyone else. She also said that if it was just for casual sex she could do it but we messed up because we fell in love.

 

The reason i spilled this whole story was because since then (last july) i havent seen her at all. And im wondering if she broke it off so she could pursue another affair where she could start all over and make sure it was just for hooking up and have much better control over the situation. Is this a possibility or did i just put waaaaaay waaay too much pressure on her while her husband was home and she had to bail. She did try to come back after he went back to school but that got botched when ppl on my side stepped in to put a stop to it. We did talk from Nov to the end of Dec but this Jan she put me back in NC. Im wondering if its because she found someone else and shes just phasing me out masterfully or is that just jealous wreck thinking. I think im just resorting to this because i can't see how else she could maintain NC and not want to see me after so long after she used to risk so much and come back everytime. I know this was long....but i just needed to get this out there.

[xAkulax]

Wow for the first time I feel sorry for a OM lol my friend you been had by serial cheater and possibly nymphomaniac. serial cheater don't know what love is because love is unselfish so trust me she never loved you just the lower half of you.

Edited February 6, 2014 by xAkulax

[Quiet Storm]

She was spanking her butt with a stick at work while training someone?

 

This woman craves male attention and will do anything to get it. She's back and forth because your attention gets boring and she needs a new supply. Her behavior isn't going to make sense because its a manifestation of her issues, and not based in logic.

 

She would not be a good partner for anyone. You need to distance yourself from her. You are too emotionally involved.

 

You just let her come in and out of your life at her whim. You are not a toy in her toybox that she can put away when she's done playing. You can choose not to play. Take control by closing the door and move on.

[XenoMouse]

I know quiet storm...you have said this to me before and you are so right. It's just that since she always closes the door I always find myself grateful to have it opened. I know that's pathetic to say. You say she's back and forth because my attention gets boring and that she needs a new supply. Does this mean that you believe that she did start up with someone nee or that she's even if she's not she's going to make sure she gets as much attention as possible? In my head I don't think she would make me fight to get back with her so much after her second dday if she was just a nymphomaniac...I think there was some genuine restraint on her part due to her M.

 

Do you think that this is really over? or it won't end until I toughen up and tell her im not gonna be treated like a toy in a toy box as you put it?

 

The thing is she did come back after all of this and the first question she asked was about my love life, if she was dropping me for another I think she would've just gone on and not comeback or cared about that. The problem is that better heads than mine intervened and scared her off since then we talked for a bit but then she abruptly went nc. I know it's toy box thinking but she's usually come around always but this time she's seems to be keeping her distance and even though we've texted I haven't seen her since last June when the most we had didn't soar before that was two weeks at the most. The possibility of there being someone else is the only reason I can come up with in my messed up confused affair fog head that she's keeping her distance. I know she's married and she always reminds me of that and how guilty and difficult the whole thing was for her. I guess im just pining on all the reasons why she's not talking to me...then if she opens the toy box I'll jump out with open arms....sigh..so pathetic.

[RickFox]

Dude, you have this woman on such a pedestal you can't see the forest through the trees. She has no respect for you, it's time you got some for yourself

[Kalee35]

This woman has some serious issues and I'm dumbfounded why any man in their right mind would want anything to do with someone so deluded in their thoughts and actions. Not coming against you here because you obviously love this woman but she doesn't love you and honestly she doesn't deserve you. You need to thank her for the no contact decision and move on.

[xAkulax]

This woman has some serious issues and I'm dumbfounded why any man in their right mind would want anything to do with someone so deluded in their thoughts and actions. Not coming against you here because you obviously love this woman but she doesn't love you and honestly she doesn't deserve you. You need to thank her for the no contact decision and move on.

 

 

simplest answer she probably a great lay most nymphomaniac are the problems is they don't want love they won't gratification and when things get to real it time to go.

[LilGirlandOW]

XenoMouse, I'm not in a parallel situation currently but I wanna send you *hugs* cause I understand the pain punctuated by frustration at yourself for knowingly enduring the pain. You're not pathetic. Hugs xoxo

[Ruffian1]

Then she tells me that she had a stick that she used to spank herself with just for fun and that while she was training him she would make him guess which cheek she was hitting. I knew she was a flirt and overtly sexual as we used to do the same kinda thing but i was like wtf we just hooked up this morning and all your talking about is this kid.

 

Well, that speaks volumes. Just curious, how old is she? Are you guys the same age?

 

I am not sure what you want. She is married and obviously having fun with whoever on the side. That is it.

 

What do you want from her? Commitment? That you will be her only "on the side guy"?

 

She doesn't care about you the way you do about her.

If you are getting attached, you need to stay away from her.

[XenoMouse]

I understand what all of you are saying and as usual you are all correct. The reason im so messed up is i never had an affair with anyone before and neither did she. The first couple of months she was never like this we were in love and having a great time, its only after dday 2 that all this whackiness really started. I always assumed that her indecisiveness, bipolar mannerisms, and general craziness were due to her being a WS in a tough position so i just tried to be kind and understanding. Now i can see that she probably was really just out of control.

 

Most of what you all say is correct that i should really look at this NC as a good thing, which, though it has been extremely painful, it is. If she hadnt gone NC i wouldve never got onto this forum where im getting so much great advice. I would have just been endlessly lost in her games. I allowed myself to be pulled into this girls craziness for a little over a year so it feels like i just stepped out of a tornado like who? what? where?....i should really take the advice and be grateful for a chance of peace from this.

 

This girl would do things like tell me to let go of her cause she was married and then when i'd open my arms to let go she'd jump back into them and scream "never let me go!" it was all just so confusing i didnt know that type of stuff happened in real life.

 

Its just crazy to see that she changed from someone who was so "loving" and willing to do anything just to see me...to this crazy person who just takes advantage of me and has lost all respect for me cause i never told her to p** off. I know now that either her feelings have def changed and she has seen our affair as a way to have fun and play the field the right way or shes doing what she claims and is actually trying to make it work with her H, whatever the case may be the feelings are no longer mutual.

 

To answer your questions Ruffian we're both in our late 20s. When we were in our relationship she would talk about leaving often and how she just wanted to be with me, obviously ddays took care of that line of crap. But I had bought into it and already became way too attached and i misread the fact that she kept coming back as her being in love still and struggling to end it. In the end i dont know what i want or expect i just didnt want to be simply discarded like a piece of trash. I JUST FEEL SO DUMB FOR BEING SO PASSIVE AND DELUDED AND TRYING TO BE SO NICE to someone who obviously didnt care.

 

I suppose thought its all for the better as many of you have said she was out there and the whole thing was a mistake. Better to be free of it. THANK YOU all so much for helping me thru this struggle.

[RickFox]

I understand what all of you are saying and as usual you are all correct. The reason im so messed up is i never had an affair with anyone before and neither did she. The first couple of months she was never like this we were in love and having a great time, its only after dday 2 that all this whackiness really started. I always assumed that her indecisiveness, bipolar mannerisms, and general craziness were due to her being a WS in a tough position so i just tried to be kind and understanding. Now i can see that she probably was really just out of control.

 

Most of what you all say is correct that i should really look at this NC as a good thing, which, though it has been extremely painful, it is. If she hadnt gone NC i wouldve never got onto this forum where im getting so much great advice. I would have just been endlessly lost in her games. I allowed myself to be pulled into this girls craziness for a little over a year so it feels like i just stepped out of a tornado like who? what? where?....i should really take the advice and be grateful for a chance of peace from this.

 

This girl would do things like tell me to let go of her cause she was married and then when i'd open my arms to let go she'd jump back into them and scream "never let me go!" it was all just so confusing i didnt know that type of stuff happened in real life.

 

Its just crazy to see that she changed from someone who was so "loving" and willing to do anything just to see me...to this crazy person who just takes advantage of me and has lost all respect for me cause i never told her to p** off. I know now that either her feelings have def changed and she has seen our affair as a way to have fun and play the field the right way or shes doing what she claims and is actually trying to make it work with her H, whatever the case may be the feelings are no longer mutual.

 

To answer your questions Ruffian we're both in our late 20s. When we were in our relationship she would talk about leaving often and how she just wanted to be with me, obviously ddays took care of that line of crap. But I had bought into it and already became way too attached and i misread the fact that she kept coming back as her being in love still and struggling to end it. In the end i dont know what i want or expect i just didnt want to be simply discarded like a piece of trash. I JUST FEEL SO DUMB FOR BEING SO PASSIVE AND DELUDED AND TRYING TO BE SO NICE to someone who obviously didnt care.

 

I suppose thought its all for the better as many of you have said she was out there and the whole thing was a mistake. Better to be free of it. THANK YOU all so much for helping me thru this struggle.

 

The struggle is far from over, trust me. Don't feel like a fool for loving her, feel sorry that she can't love anyone but herself. Hindsight is always twenty twenty. Hell I was a dumb fool too lol