sbtleasabrick Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 So I've been dating my boyfriend Andre for almost 2 years now, and I am very happy with him. We've been friends for about 5. My ex Rob and I broke up 3 1/2 years ago. Basically what happened is we had a very intense long distance relationship. He moved away but we saw eachother every few weeks until one trip when he was coming to see me. He never called when he landed, and then I didn't hear from him for 2 days. Turns out when he got here he went to his ex's house and cheated on me, and never bothered to let me know he wasn't showing up. It crushed me, and took me a very long time to get over. Unfortunately Rob is still close to most of my friends, including Andre. They've been friends for 10 years. Rob is getting married next month to another girl I know and have always been friendly with. Even though I am completely over that relationship and am very in love with Andre, the thought of him going to that wedding still makes me uncomfortable. Is it wrong of me to ask him not to go?
Zahara Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Explain why it makes you uncomfortable? They've been friends for 10 years, you're friendly with the woman that Rob is marrying so I'm thinking that all of you are still friendly/cordial with each other, so why is that all okay but attending a wedding is an issue? Are you invited? 1
soccerrprp Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I don't see why, if you all are still friends, he should be left out? He wasn't invited which is kind of interesting considering you say that they have been "friends" for 10 years. I actually think a little weird (interesting) that you're going to your ex's wedding after the way he dissed you and left you for another woman (another "friend"?). Oh, well....
Zahara Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I don't see why, if you all are still friends, he should be left out? He wasn't invited which is kind of interesting considering you say that they have been "friends" for 10 years. I actually think a little weird (interesting) that you're going to your ex's wedding after the way he dissed you and left you for another woman (another "friend"?). Oh, well.... I think Andre is invited instead of OP.
Author sbtleasabrick Posted February 6, 2014 Author Posted February 6, 2014 Sorry if I was unclear. Andre is invited. I am not personally invited, but noone has said I am unwelcome as his date or anything like that. I mentioned that I've always been friendly with the bride only because she wouldn't have a problem with me being there. It's more that it makes me feel uncomfortable to go and celebrate the happiness of someone who was awful to me even though it's been years. But Andre going without me makes me even more uncomfortable. So my options are go with him, or tell him I don't want him to go. I don't want that to get misconstrued as me not being over it or anything, I just don't want to celebrate it is all.
MidwestUSA Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Sorry if I was unclear. Andre is invited. I am not personally invited, but noone has said I am unwelcome as his date or anything like that. I mentioned that I've always been friendly with the bride only because she wouldn't have a problem with me being there. It's more that it makes me feel uncomfortable to go and celebrate the happiness of someone who was awful to me even though it's been years. But Andre going without me makes me even more uncomfortable. So my options are go with him, or tell him I don't want him to go. I don't want that to get misconstrued as me not being over it or anything, I just don't want to celebrate it is all. If you're going as a date, then you (technically) haven't been invited to celebrate. Yay for loopholes! Look at it that way, and go with Andre and have a good time. Hey, it's a meal and a few drinks, right? Be the proud, happy woman on Andre's arm; that's all that's required of you. 2
Zahara Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Sorry if I was unclear. Andre is invited. I am not personally invited, but noone has said I am unwelcome as his date or anything like that. I mentioned that I've always been friendly with the bride only because she wouldn't have a problem with me being there. It's more that it makes me feel uncomfortable to go and celebrate the happiness of someone who was awful to me even though it's been years. But Andre going without me makes me even more uncomfortable. So my options are go with him, or tell him I don't want him to go. I don't want that to get misconstrued as me not being over it or anything, I just don't want to celebrate it is all. The option is that Andre goes because he is celebrating his friend's happiness and you stay behind or you go as his date. They've been friends for 10 years and knowing that when you started dating Andre, you would have had to have known that they will be in each other's lives, celebrating their milestones and seeing that they still have a friendship which you've been clearly aware of and even being friendly with the bride -- I'm not sure why now it's a problem. It's a wedding. That will come and go. Their friendship will remain. If anything, you should have had a problem dating Andre knowing they were friends instead of having an issue over Andre going to a wedding. I think that because you don't want to celebrate Rob's happiness, therefore Andre shouldn't either. You broke up with your ex, Andre didn't. This was 3.5 years ago. Let it go.
soccerrprp Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Sorry if I was unclear. Andre is invited. I am not personally invited, but noone has said I am unwelcome as his date or anything like that. I mentioned that I've always been friendly with the bride only because she wouldn't have a problem with me being there. It's more that it makes me feel uncomfortable to go and celebrate the happiness of someone who was awful to me even though it's been years. But Andre going without me makes me even more uncomfortable. So my options are go with him, or tell him I don't want him to go. I don't want that to get misconstrued as me not being over it or anything, I just don't want to celebrate it is all. Ooops, sorry. Let Andre go. He's been a friend for 10 years. He has no direct reason not to celebrate his friend's marriage. Does Andre know how your ex cheated on you? Anyway, let him go if you are unwilling.
ExpatInItaly Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 Ooops, sorry. Let Andre go. He's been a friend for 10 years. He has no direct reason not to celebrate his friend's marriage. Does Andre know how your ex cheated on you? Anyway, let him go if you are unwilling. This. I personally wouldn't be comfortable going to an ex's wedding so I'd send him on his way and meet him later after the wedding festivities. I don't think the only options should be that he goes with you, or he doesn't go at all. They're friends. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I can see both sides. It's not weird of your EX to have invited his buddy, your BF. However, if I were you I'd feel like my BF picked my EX over me if he went. I would definitely express that to him. Suggest that he send a nice gift, maybe go to the bachelor party but then spend the wedding day doing something fabulous with you. BTW, if your BF asked you to go to the wedding as his date, would you go? If I were the bride, I wouldn't be too happy that you were there.
MidwestUSA Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 I can see both sides. It's not weird of your EX to have invited his buddy, your BF. However, if I were you I'd feel like my BF picked my EX over me if he went. I would definitely express that to him. Suggest that he send a nice gift, maybe go to the bachelor party but then spend the wedding day doing something fabulous with you. BTW, if your BF asked you to go to the wedding as his date, would you go? If I were the bride, I wouldn't be too happy that you were there. She's stated that the bride would have no problem, that they've been friendly. All this picking and choosing! What age do we have to be to learn to take the high road? She's in love with Andre, and the past is the past. It's a wedding, the bride and groom will be a bit busy, and there will be no focus on OP and her comfort level. When y'all are old enough that your friends and exes start dying, and you hear about it via Facebook, you'll understand.
d0nnivain Posted February 6, 2014 Posted February 6, 2014 She's stated that the bride would have no problem, that they've been friendly. All this picking and choosing! What age do we have to be to learn to take the high road? She's in love with Andre, and the past is the past. It's a wedding, the bride and groom will be a bit busy, and there will be no focus on OP and her comfort level. When y'all are old enough that your friends and exes start dying, and you hear about it via Facebook, you'll understand. Agree to some extent. If the bride says she'd have no problem kudos to her for taking the high road. Deep down, I still bet she either just doesn't care at all or would prefer not to have to deal with it. Either way if the OP doesn't want her BF to go to the wedding, she needs to express that sentiment. Politely but . . . speaking up is better than saying nothing.
Phantom888 Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 This is a tough one. They've been close friends for 10 years. So awkward. Can you ask Andre if you all can arrange a 4-some at a hotel room a week before the wedding so everyone can be comfortable? Since you have been with both Andre and Rob, it would be exciting to see them both in action. Maybe you can take them both (one in the vagina and one in the anus) and pleasure the new girl (orally) as a bi-curious initiation? After that sexcapade, I'm sure you'll all be buddies by the time the wedding occurs.
Allumere Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Sorry if I was unclear. Andre is invited. I am not personally invited, but noone has said I am unwelcome as his date or anything like that. I mentioned that I've always been friendly with the bride only because she wouldn't have a problem with me being there. It's more that it makes me feel uncomfortable to go and celebrate the happiness of someone who was awful to me even though it's been years. But Andre going without me makes me even more uncomfortable. So my options are go with him, or tell him I don't want him to go. I don't want that to get misconstrued as me not being over it or anything, I just don't want to celebrate it is all. Go. Being there a) shows what happened has been forgotten/forgiven and b) shows love and respect for Andre. Go and have a good time with Andre..let it be about the two of you sharing an occasion.
TXGuy Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Could it be that you are a little upset that your ex is getting married before you have? I don't see why you don't want your boyfriend to go to his friend's wedding. It isn't like he is going to his ex's wedding. I think you should pass on this and let your bf go. If you go, your anger is going to be noticable. You wouldn't want to slightly disrupt their happy event. Or would you?
TXGuy Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Sorry if I was unclear. Andre is invited. I am not personally invited, but noone has said I am unwelcome as his date or anything like that. I mentioned that I've always been friendly with the bride only because she wouldn't have a problem with me being there. It's more that it makes me feel uncomfortable to go and celebrate the happiness of someone who was awful to me even though it's been years. But Andre going without me makes me even more uncomfortable. So my options are go with him, or tell him I don't want him to go. I don't want that to get misconstrued as me not being over it or anything, I just don't want to celebrate it is all. I assume the bride and groom know that you and andre are dating. If they wanted to invite you, even as andre's date, they would have done so.
FitChick Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 If you haven't been invited, problem solved. If Andre goes and wants you as his guest, you should go. People get very sentimental at weddings and it may plant a seed in his head of marrying you. Happened to a friend of mine. Great excuse for you to say, "I wouldn't want such a circus if I got married" or "I'd like to have lots of red flowers at my wedding" or "I'd like to have a beach wedding," etc. Of course there is the possibility if he goes alone he may meet a single woman there. Don't be bitter. 1
MissBee Posted February 7, 2014 Posted February 7, 2014 Sorry if I was unclear. Andre is invited. I am not personally invited, but noone has said I am unwelcome as his date or anything like that. I mentioned that I've always been friendly with the bride only because she wouldn't have a problem with me being there. It's more that it makes me feel uncomfortable to go and celebrate the happiness of someone who was awful to me even though it's been years. But Andre going without me makes me even more uncomfortable. So my options are go with him, or tell him I don't want him to go. I don't want that to get misconstrued as me not being over it or anything, I just don't want to celebrate it is all. Why does him going without you make you uncomfortable?
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