sidney2718 Posted February 16, 2014 Posted February 16, 2014 A former WS can be of more influence to someone in an affair or on the brink of one than a 100 BS who are reacting out of their own bitterness and pain. They can relate and many people recieve better from someone who can relate with them. Over and over again BS post "i just don't understand" "they are moraly bankrupt" and other statments that are true to the Bs but no help to a WS. But A WS who has been there in some situations gets it. And their comments aren't as easily dismissed. So if one person reads posts from a WS and chooses to not embark on an affair. They have contributed more than anyone else. The same goes for ex-ows. The dangerous people are the ones who continue their cake ending or get a happy ending eith their married AP because they give hope to others that they will also be among the small precentage of people who beat te odds. I wish more fWS felt safe to post here and e honest. Empathy and kindness to those who own their trangressions brings light to other people. Sadly posts like yours do nothing but tear people down and shame them... Not inspire them to change. OP most want you to be fully honest with your spouse because it is laying all the cards down on the table. Right now you have an ace up your sleeve your spouse doesn't know about. You are decidin for him still and until you give the whole truth you will continue to. Only one BS on here would have rather lived in ignorance to the truth of their relationship. 99.9% of the others wanted the truth. The truth is more complex than we are often willing to admit. As soon as we say the WS must totally own responsibility for the affair we are closing off many lines of communication. Yes, there are WS's who just "do it for the fun of it". And I agree that there is little or no hope for such people. But most do not just do it for the fun of it. Indeed it often isn't much fun at all. So why do people cheat? There are multiple reasons but we won't hear what they are from folks here (especially women) because as soon as they try to explain they get hit with "We don't want to hear your excuses. YOU own the affair totally." It is almost as if some are afraid to hear the truth. To see some of this look up, just as an example, JaneDoe's posts. And she's not alone. 3
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