From a repentant WW, to all BS

[txgrl]

Reading posts here has literally shook me! To the core .

 

I'm getting off this forum . I'm going to go take the pain of MY wrongdoing , of MY own free will, and try and make amends as best as possible . May all here find true peace and happiness . No matter how common infidelity has become in our culture, it's WRONG!!! I don't care how horrible your spouse or M is , divorce them if u must . Don't ever cheat ..

 

I'm so sorry for the pain of all BS here . I wish u all peace and happiness .

[Scott Thomas]

Exactly how do you plan on doing that, of you don't mind me asking. I read one if your threads and it appears that you've initiated divorce. Do correct me if I'm wrong.

 

Good Luck, you'll need it!

Edited February 6, 2014 by Scott Thomas

[txgrl]

By taking up responsibility , by looking at all reasons that made me go out at duck last time, being patient and making one run at a time . No fours or sixes . I hope and pray to make a century!

I initiated divorce at the beginning of the A , we reconciled pretty quickly . I did go on to have an EA but that's ended too .

Thanks

Edited February 6, 2014 by txgrl

[Scott Thomas]

I am going to assume that your husband knows about the A? Not really angry, is he? I do find the lack of temper a bit odd.

Maintaining NC is also necessary.

[Spark1111]

Reading posts here has literally shook me! To the core .

 

I'm getting off this forum . I'm going to go take the pain of MY wrongdoing , of MY own free will, and try and make amends as best as possible . May all here find true peace and happiness . No matter how common infidelity has become in our culture, it's WRONG!!! I don't care how horrible your spouse or M is , divorce them if u must . Don't ever cheat ..

 

I'm so sorry for the pain of all BS here . I wish u all peace and happiness .

 

well, thanks for the expressed sentiment, but what's your rush?

 

You only been here a very short time and have barely scratched the tip of the iceberg in terms of he pain of betrayal.

 

wasn't your affair 4 years long?

 

I'd say the BS's side of the affair triangle should garner a little more attention than a week or two, no?

 

what are you afraid of?

[ComingInHot]

TxGirl,

Thank You. I pray only good and better things in your future too* I think that you could become (are becoming) a Serious confidant and support here for both A perspectives (OW/WS)*

That first Smack of Reality into the BS'S heartbreak is or can be debilitating. Definitely a tough pill to swallow. But you Did. I think this may be a good thing in healing yourself and making a change for your better, healthier future*

CIH*

[Confused48]

It is so rare to have a repentant AP here willing to talk. I wish you would stay. It would help if you can.

[kalimata]

TXGIRL: As a BH myself, I can for sure say that I appreciate your insight and willingness to express your point of view. You are honest and have understood how impactful having an A can be to families. Keep posting

[snappytomcat]

thank you,its very kind of you,you seem like a very compassionate person

[janedoe67]

txgrl, repentance is a wonderful and necessary thing. Empathy and compassion are also - I think - necessary ingradients in healthy character.

 

BUT

 

Remember this...there is only one person (or two if your AP was married) to whom you owe any real amends, and that is your spouse.

 

That is something i wish someone had told me X number of years ago when I first stumbled onto forums. I did fine doing the work and helping my actual BH heal. He even forgave me. It was trying to convince 100's of strangers that I wasn't damaged beyond repair that really sent me off the rails.

[BHsigh]

txgirl, I know that when I, as a BS, replied to your thread strongly because I let emotions rule my reply, you responded with nothing but kindness and remorse. As janedoe said, you owe me no amends, and I would never expect that from you, but you showed compassion.

 

You've learned a hard painful lesson, and you show compassion, both sides could benefit from your experience.

 

I hope that you feel better and stick around here, we all could learn from you and you could learn from us.

[janedoe67]

I echo this. Posters like BHsigh, steadfast, alive again, etc have taught me much.

[txgrl]

I will try and post whenever I can and when I feel I'm actually benefiting someone with my experience and some lessons learned .

[mercy]

Reading posts here has literally shook me! To the core .

 

I'm getting off this forum . I'm going to go take the pain of MY wrongdoing , of MY own free will, and try and make amends as best as possible . May all here find true peace and happiness . No matter how common infidelity has become in our culture, it's WRONG!!! I don't care how horrible your spouse or M is , divorce them if u must . Don't ever cheat ..

 

I'm so sorry for the pain of all BS here . I wish u all peace and happiness .

 

 

What a beautiful post! I wish you peace! I hope you come back!

[experiencethedevine]

I don't think you are in a position as a wayward wife to be giving any kind of advice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most uncharitable. Quite the reverse frankly. She will be an asset to many if she contributes here.

[anne1707]

I am sorry and I'll share the same opinion as you but I don't see how wayward spouse has any benefit to anyone period.

 

Then I suggest you put the OP (and me) on ignore if you feel that way. Thankfully plenty of other posters do feel we have something to contribute.

[janedoe67]

Actually I respect Jax's openness. There are quite a few people who feel exactly the way he does; he is just open enough to be honest about it.

 

I don't agree with him, but at least he's up front.

[txgrl]

I'm sorry for your pain . Maybe I will benefit from you and many others here . I'm sorry for my choice of words . All I hope to do is to discourage others to participate in A .

Again, I cannot even begin to understand the pain of a BS. I hope u find peace and happiness .

 

At the end of the day, I need to heal and work on my M and be happy and at peace and in that process, maybe something I post here will help someone else here be they be a WS, BS or OM/OW.

Edited February 16, 2014 by txgrl

[Bryanp]

Does your husband know of your affair?

[txgrl]

He knows about the EA, he does not know about the PA that did happen one time . He chose not to ask me and I choose not to tell him ( an I know many here would want to lynch me for it).

[janedoe67]

"but I don't see how wayward spouse has any benefit to anyone period"

 

Ill take this to mean he can't see. Question is, is he open to seeing?

I'm sure a lot of people FEEL the same way. The question is whether those feelings are being confused with what we THINK.

 

The consistent tenor of multiple posts makes it very easy to discern this.

 

BUT because I know that I have value regardless of what someone who has never met me thinks as a result of THEIR stuff....I'm okay with it.

[whatatangledweb]

The wayward side helped me heal better than the other sides. As a BS it was great knowing I wasn't alone or crazy by reading and hearing from other BS. The WS explained things to me that my husband was not able to put into words. Seeing how they felt , why they did it, and seeing them say they did love their spouses, lightened my pain a great deal. I would read their side and then ask him. Some he agree with and others he did not. Yet it helped him to explain things better.

[Fluttershy]

I am sorry and I'll share the same opinion as you but I don't see how wayward spouse has any benefit to anyone period.

 

A former WS can be of more influence to someone in an affair or on the brink of one than a 100 BS who are reacting out of their own bitterness and pain. They can relate and many people recieve better from someone who can relate with them. Over and over again BS post "i just don't understand" "they are moraly bankrupt" and other statments that are true to the Bs but no help to a WS. But A WS who has been there in some situations gets it. And their comments aren't as easily dismissed. So if one person reads posts from a WS and chooses to not embark on an affair. They have contributed more than anyone else. The same goes for ex-ows.

 

The dangerous people are the ones who continue their cake ending or get a happy ending eith their married AP because they give hope to others that they will also be among the small precentage of people who beat te odds.

 

I wish more fWS felt safe to post here and e honest. Empathy and kindness to those who own their trangressions brings light to other people. Sadly posts like yours do nothing but tear people down and shame them... Not inspire them to change.

 

OP most want you to be fully honest with your spouse because it is laying all the cards down on the table. Right now you have an ace up your sleeve your spouse doesn't know about. You are decidin for him still and until you give the whole truth you will continue to.

 

Only one BS on here would have rather lived in ignorance to the truth of their relationship. 99.9% of the others wanted the truth.

[xAkulax]

I'm sorry txgrl but if your planing on not posting here then why are you still here

[sidney2718]

Then I suggest you put the OP (and me) on ignore if you feel that way. Thankfully plenty of other posters do feel we have something to contribute.

 

BINGO! I actually feel that we have more to learn from WS than from BS's. Why? Because they know how they came to cheat and why they agreed to do it. Spouses can learn from things like that.