Still afraid he's "the one."

[monkeytine]

I'm 28 years old. Confident, successful, attractive (took me years to finally see it though), and love my life. That being said, I had never been in a relationship longer than 4 months, and I certainly had never been "in love." Ever. I couldn't picture myself with anyone I had ever met for the rest of my life no matter how much I tried.

 

Then, as if on cue, as soon as I accepted that I may be alone (but happily!) forever, I met him. I didn't ask for it. Didn't even care if I ever met someone anymore, as nice as it sounded. But he was perfect to me. The chemistry was unreal. I instantly loved the picture of us together forever. I didn't realize what I was missing in life until I met him.

 

He was supposed to move out to my state because he had always wanted to move here anyways but was too scared before he met me. He doesn't like his hometown anymore, and was ready to finally pursue his "dreams" and make a move. Unfortunately, fear got the best of him and I found out he was having interviews in his hometown for new jobs instead of applying to places out here where I am. He swore it had nothing to do with him doubting our relationship, and everything to do with being afraid of moving without a job. He was "just so afraid of losing me." He thought I wouldn't want to wait for him, even though I told him I would. He's also used to former girlfriends not waiting for him and ditching him.

 

It was the lying that hurt. I think honesty matters more than anything in a relationship. What's the point otherwise? So...I took a deep breath and ended it with him. Despite his heartfelt apologies and reassurance of his desire to be with me.

 

So now, I'm left with this feeling that I may never ever have a connection like this with someone again. I mean, it's been 28 years and he's the only person I've met like this. I have tons of amazing friends and family that introduce me to great singles all the time. There's always just something missing. That spark. The passion. The true love. Will I honestly ever meet someone like this again? I know everyone says I will, but I can't believe that's possible. Please help. Did I make a mistake by ending it with him? Should I take him back?

 

My favorite quote has always been, "In life, everyone's going to hurt you. You just have to figure out which ones are worth the pain." I feel like he's worth the pain, but no one else in my life agrees. They think lying is the ultimate red flag and I do usually agree. Ugh. This sucks.

Edited February 6, 2014 by monkeytine

[SadNLonley]

Same situation here. I really dont think I'll ever find the person who I clicked with like him. We clicked, our families clicked, right off the bat it was a feeling like I've known the man my whole life. We felt so lucky to have found each other because neither had ever felt this way before. I dont really think I found love until him, and I was married for 15 years. I think he brought out a love in me that will never ever happen again. Unfortunately, I am much older than you and the reality is really scary. You are still young, if you get out and enjoy life like you did prior to him, then hopefully once again, love will find its way to you.

 

I still have hope (I know i shouldn't) that he will realize that I really am the one for him and will contact me. Chances are slim, but there is still hope.

 

If only we could all see our future.

[Disco Lemonade]

I'm 28 years old. Confident, successful, attractive (took me years to finally see it though), and love my life. That being said, I had never been in a relationship longer than 4 months, and I certainly had never been "in love." Ever. I couldn't picture myself with anyone I had ever met for the rest of my life no matter how much I tried.

 

Then, as if on cue, as soon as I accepted that I may be alone (but happily!) forever, I met him. I didn't ask for it. Didn't even care if I ever met someone anymore, as nice as it sounded. But he was perfect to me. The chemistry was unreal. I instantly loved the picture of us together forever. I didn't realize what I was missing in life until I met him.

 

He was supposed to move out to my state because he had always wanted to move here anyways but was too scared before he met me. He doesn't like his hometown anymore, and was ready to finally pursue his "dreams" and make a move. Unfortunately, fear got the best of him and I found out he was having interviews in his hometown for new jobs instead of applying to places out here where I am. He swore it had nothing to do with him doubting our relationship, and everything to do with being afraid of moving without a job. He was "just so afraid of losing me." He thought I wouldn't want to wait for him, even though I told him I would. He's also used to former girlfriends not waiting for him and ditching him.

 

It was the lying that hurt. I think honesty matters more than anything in a relationship. What's the point otherwise? So...I took a deep breath and ended it with him. Despite his heartfelt apologies and reassurance of his desire to be with me.

 

So now, I'm left with this feeling that I may never ever have a connection like this with someone again. I mean, it's been 28 years and he's the only person I've met like this. I have tons of amazing friends and family that introduce me to great singles all the time. There's always just something missing. That spark. The passion. The true love. Will I honestly ever meet someone like this again? I know everyone says I will, but I can't believe that's possible. Please help. Did I make a mistake by ending it with him? Should I take him back?

 

My favorite quote has always been, "In life, everyone's going to hurt you. You just have to figure out which ones are worth the pain." I feel like he's worth the pain, but no one else in my life agrees. They think lying is the ultimate red flag and I do usually agree. Ugh. This sucks.

 

How did you two meet if this is long distance from the start? Just curious. If you know in your heart of hearts that he is the right one, I would probably start some dialogue with him and see where he is at with work, emotionally, etc. With that said, true love can happen more than once. It took me a long time to find it again, but it did happen. I went through a long time with only shallow relationships after my first true love, but now that I found it again, I know it can happen yet again (didn't work out in the end). I think once you do find that "second love" it makes things easier emotionally. Believe me, I know how it can feel like you missed out on your one chance at true happiness with someone, but you are forgetting a very important part of the equation, which is you. You can be happy with more than one person--just make sure that you are looking for the things that will make you happy.

[Absinthe]

To give the dude some credit, moving without a job is a risky business, and whilst I am the risk-taking "YEEEAH LET'S DO THIS!" type, I can understand folks who aren't. My ex is a proper homeboy, I am considerably more travelled than he is, and it's taken me some time to appreciate that this didn't mean he didn't love me.